My son was rejected from Indiana University. Feeling persistent, he asked me if he should call one of the advisors and plead for admission.

I told him beggars can’t be Hoosiers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are sharts so persistant?

Because they're undeterred (undie turd).

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shiggy_O
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A persistent banker wouldn’t stop hitting on me

so I asked him to leave me a loan.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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Attorney Lex Lawson seeks out elegant and luxurious cafes wherever he goes. He has been widely recognized as a persistent .........

ambience chaser

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were recently hospitalized for very severe, persistent headaches. After a few hours of testing and waiting

I informed my wife that we had ourgrains

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My son is a very persistent writer.

I have an author you can't refuse.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EOattheinternet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of ants keep coming back?

PersistANTS.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How does someone learn to pass gas?

Through extensive and persistent tootelage.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbstryker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man who suffers from the persistent delusion that he's a creature from Irish myth?

A leprechaundriac.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
🚨︎ report
I suffer from the persistent delusion that I'm striped brown, white, and pink.

It's called a Neapolitan complex.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2017
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zcc0nonA
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2014
🚨︎ report
If you can't find a way to be persistent

Keep trying.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2016
🚨︎ report
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn’t laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I’ve persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she’s in labor with our fourth and I’ve finally got her laughing...

I think I’ve really improved the delivery!

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Po1sonator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my wife Sierra I was Ghana visit West Africa

She said she’d Benin that part of the world before and she did not want Togo again. I was persistent about going so I left Sierra Alone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inceptionisim
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an ant that won't go away?

Permanant

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mbwanderski
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report
A group of photographers went out to dinner..

As they sat at their table, taking photos of their food for social media, one of the photographers realized he hadn't been given water. He approached the bar and asked for a glassful, with which the bartender obliged. Rather than immediately leaving, he stood there and stared at the bartender for a moment before returning to his seat.

Soon enough, he found himself thirsty again, and took another trip to the bar, and once again stared at the bartender. This happened again and again throughout the night, with the bartender becoming progressively more frustrated by the photographers persistent requests for glasses of water and uncomfortable stares. Finally, on the photographers fifteenth trip, the bartender loses his cool and yells, "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!"

πŸ‘︎ 323
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconBoyReddit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
🚨︎ report
[Request] Need puntastic suggestions related to flail!

Hi punterific people!

I'm a YouTuber that loves puns and use puns regularly in my videos when I play games. I'm having some new graphics donr for my channel and I want to change my 'saying' to reflect the punny part of... Well.. Me :)

The new art depicts my avatar (Game kNight) weilding a shield and a flail - and I want the saying to reflect something in that regard. I persistently play games to win (as if anyone did otherwise) and don't like failing (like most other gamers?);

Thoughts up until now: Flailure is not an option - for me! (but for the enemies I face is implied) Flailing is an option (because facing me will get you flailed) I will not flail you!

Hope you can help me out!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadewarp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad has three jokes in his repertoire that he always uses.

So I would imagine he would probably be pretty proud of me sharing his "jokes" on here. Even though they were a persistent annoyance for me growing up, I almost feel like sharing them with the Reddit world kind of takes away some of the specialness. I can't claim any of these are original, but outside of my father, I've never heard anyone else use them.

#1. Whenever he has to pay for anything ANYWHERE, he says, "my name is Crime". The usual reaction is a blank stare. Then he says, "Crime doesn't pay".

#2. Anytime we go out to a restaurant and the waiter comes to hand us our check he says, "No thanks we can't stay for the drawing, you can contact us by phone if we win anything".

#3. The mother of all his "dad jokes", this one elicits the most laughter. Anytime he tells someone how he met my mom he says, "In college I used to be her tutor. I tutored her in anatomy by braille".

He'll on occasion drop others, but those are the ones I grew up with and that he still continues to use to this day. The crime joke. Every. Single. Day. I'm surprised my mother hasn't murdered him after all these years...

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meadwill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
🚨︎ report
Making the best of senior prom

As I'm sure many of you can remember (or not), senior prom was one of the most exciting events of our pre-real world existence. However, in order to get to the actual event, there were three significant steps that needed to be taken care of:

  1. Sober up enough before actually getting to the venue
  2. Find a date who wasn't even weirder than you were
  3. Rent a tuxedo This last part posed quite a bit of a problem to me, mostly because tuxedos can be very expensive to come by. Luckily enough for me, a local formalwear shop had a great deal going on; they would give you massive discounts and even hefty prizes for referring as many of your friends as possible to their business. Eager as I was to save a few bucks, I proceeded to text everyone in my phone's contact list. Almost every one of them neglected to respond to my pitiful pleas of financial assistance, not wanting to get caught up in this scam that I myself had meandered into. Finally, my token black friend, Malik, unwillingly took my bait. He tentatively responded, asking more about what he could get out of the deal for himself. After much persistence on my part, he finally declined, trying his best to let me down gently. As my poor little heart finally broke completely in two, I decided to alleviate the social tension, replying to him, "Alright man, well, suit yourself."
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MinisculePeen
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Family of musicians, my dad has been saying this for years.

We were at my brother's show last night, and he was tuning his guitar in between songs. My dad turns to me and goes "Ah the great Chinese song Tu Ning."

My brother's and I have been playing shows since I can remember, this jokes probably comes out at least once a month. Dad's a persistent, that's for sure.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sundog12100
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2015
🚨︎ report
A man would experience severe pain in his eye every time he drank tea[X-Post from r/jokes]

He went to his doctor, who referred him to an eye specialist. They performed every test possible, but found nothing wrong with his eye. Since the pain was still persistent, he showed a number of specialists, had every test done on him, consulted quacks, and all to no result. He still felt excruciating pain whenever he had tea. Finally, he decides to visit an old sage. The sage sits him down and pours him some tea. As soon as he takes a sip, he feels the pain again. The sage sets his own cup on the table, and quietly says "Next time you drink tea, remember to remove the spoon from the cup."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gulzaar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad's go-to joke when anybody takes medicine.

If symptoms persist, insult your doctor.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahundredheys
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2015
🚨︎ report
Not my dad, but my band director who is a dad

So I have a class where I sit in the band hall and practice my instrument, and near the end of class I looked at the clock and noticed that the bell should have rang already (at 10:40). I checked my phone, and it was only 10:37.

The conversation went like this:

"Mr. Band director, that clock is ahead."

"No, that clock is a clock." (I didn't get it)

"What? No it's ahead."

"No, your head is a head. That is a clock."

I persisted (because I STILL didn't get it) and he said to the other people in the room "can we all agree that that is a clock, and not a head?"

I finally got it, and said "It's a clock, but it's also ahead - like one word - ahead."

"No, the clock is running fast, but it is not a head."

My friend - "it can't run because it doesn't have any legs."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WackidWally
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
🚨︎ report
I'm at Uni so I'm on the phone talking to my dad about my new module choices, and everytime without fail the conversation will go like this.

Dad: So how's university? Still enjoying it?

Me: Oh yeah, last term was good but my new modules are grea-

Dad: Lunar modules?

Me: ...

It's not the sharpest of dad jokes, but my god if his persistence is certainly dad joke worthy. It's been going three years now.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChocoMcShreddy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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