The pay per see.
Punchline
It was on pay-per-view.
Bit of a scam though,
Both teams folded.
Because you need 3 squared meals per day
He walked into the police station and yelled "help! I'm on five per cent!" First, a cop punched him. Then, one of them plugged him in to a power bank Suddenly he had reached 100%. It was a miracle They charged him with assault and battery
He’s a pro-to-type.
...so that’s just being hippocritical...
.....because he only comes once per year.
Soo they don't get two attached
It was $50 per head.
are the pie rates of the Caribbean
Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."
Because she was a fast mother clucker!!
It's Rhode Island.
Had potential to misfire but worked perfectly.
Also, the other day my wife left a Monster energy drink under her bed, and we waited for her to come and ask "ok who put this monster under my bed?"
Tentacles
“I’m a Watt?”
...I think I'm suffering from post-part-time depression.
No weight, that doesn't make any cents...
you are probably aiming too high.”
If I had a nickel for every bread pun, I'd have a pun per nickel. 😂🤣😂🤣
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
(And yes, I really did, just to make this joke to him. The resulting groan was worth the ten-day setup :p)
But she's not suede
Because despite their houses' appearance, they don't have mush room
It was trivial per suit.
I recently spent $46,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!
I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ...but they kind of taste like peppermint.
They’re calling it coleslaw.
and now it kinda hertz.
In smiles per hour!
We only have 5 glasses in our house
Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.
Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.
Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.
The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.
Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.
Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.
One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.
Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.
“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.
The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.
“Yes of course” replied Trevor
... keep reading on reddit ➡On average, this guy walked 11+ miles per day for 40 years. WITHOUT SHOES.
Dude fasted frequently, too, so he didn't get a lot of the nutrients that most people get on a daily basis and presumably had bad breath.
That being said, Gandhi was...
A SUPER CALLOUSED FRAGILE MYSTIC HEXED WITH HALITOSIS.
Beer nuts for sale $ 1:25 per bag Deer nuts under a Buck
A per-centaur. (Credit to my friend)
Almost 10 years ago now when my daughter’s mom was pregnant with her—waddling miserably towards the tail-end of her third trimester and about ready to pop—she looked forlornly at her figure in the mirror one day and announced, “Omigod I’m as big as a house!”
And so I, the Rico Suave motherfucker that I am, popped my head up from the book I was reading on the bed and responded thusly without missing a beat:
“Well, baby girl, if you’re a house then you’re my dream home...”
I thought our relationship was my rock on which we would build one hundred stories, but there were termites in the foundation. Unfortunately she ultimately turned out to be a mobile home that couldn’t stay tethered to a single lot for more than a few years at a time as, a short time later, she up-and-skedaddled from our lives and has been a deadbeat mom to our little girl ever since. (My daughter and I built a beautiful, cozy little bungalow-for-two anyways.)
Anyway, does that qualify as a pun, or just an extended metaphor? If not, sorry, I just always thought that was a good line and I wanted to humble-brag a bit.
925 every day.
A bull-ette.
(A joke my son said, being posted by the dad.)
I said "Hi Per, Hi Per!". Then he left.
