Parental Responsibility Puns

She packed up her bags and right.

For the youngest siblings recent 9th birthday I put 9 dollars in a block of ice (had to bribe a local butcher shop to let me put a cooler in their freezer, worth it) But I need some long term ideas, because I intend to show this family with a lack of dads the full scope of dad jokes

We're watching the live action 101 Dalmatian movie. It's the scene where Cruella falls through the floor and lands in what looks like a bunch of poop, chasing after one of the puppies.

My daughter asks me,"What is that stuff she fell into supposed to be?". I replied,"Pretty sure it's supposed to resemble poop." She goes,"So I guess that puppy set a poopy trap."

I'm visiting my parents and my dad tells me he watched 7 years a slave. My mom goes 'you mean 12 years a slave?'

My dads response?

'No, I haven't finished watching it yet.'

So a little backstory, my parents take the dog for a walk every night. My mom is in college (lol napoleon dynamite) and she takes a marine biology class.

So they were on one of those walks last night, and they were talking about ants. My mom's question was whether or not ants sleep. My dad replies saying, "Why are you asking me? You're the one in a biology class." To which she replied, "I'm in a marine biology class, I don't think there are any marine ants."

Without skipping a beat, my dad came up with the most incredible response...

"Why can't there be marine ants? We already have army ants."

My parents were getting the female members of the family boxes of herbs. Mum asked what we should give the male members of the family.

Dad's response: 'Hisbs'.

My parents were visiting me in Colorado and it began to hail on our way to happy hour and my dad's response was, "AH HAIL NO!"

At thanksgiving dinner we were talking about pianos since my parents and my grandparents both have upright pianos. My dad asked what kind of piano my grandparents had and got the response from my granddad "an upright grand. Which means you have a downright shame."

My parents and I are driving down the highway moving me to a new city. I have a lot of stuff, not enough to get a truck, yet too much for my car alone. My mom is leading in one car, my dad and I following in another. I see a wide load truck hauling a mobile home and tell my dad, "Look out for that house infront of us." His response...

"Oh please, your mother is not that fat"