They really missed out on a great opportunity by calling them defibrillators

Should've called them heartbrakers

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Happy New Year fellow dad jokesters! For 2021, I’m going to turn all of my problems into opportunities.

Starting with my severe drinking opportunity

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently turned down an opportunity to open a Dominos Pizza store, because I thought it was too risky.

If one store goes down, they will all go down.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rx3065
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
With great potential come great opportunities
πŸ‘︎ 278
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kanamuna24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
An excellent opportunity
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/note_than62
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Misunderstanding on purpose

My favourite 'dad joke' is purposefully misunderstanding the kids and watching their disbelief as they try and reword things so even an idiot can understand. We have a family app so they need permission to download some apps onto their devices (because we are "controlling" πŸ™‚).

So every now and then this will happen:

Child : Can I get an app?

Me : sure, if you're tired just go and lie down.

Child: no, an APP

Me: yes, lie DOWN

Child: No, I need an... I want a...I just want...an app.

Me: or an early night?

Child: weary sigh

Me: you do look tired

  • thinking I'm the best joker in history*

That was a short version. If it didn't make sense, read it aloud.

The kids will put me in a home at the first opportunity.

πŸ‘︎ 222
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πŸ‘€︎ u/user_error101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Eye wouldn’t miss the opportunity eye-there
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-JasonTe
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I drew the number 8 and called it opportunity.

I turned it on its side, now it’s endless opportunity.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I apologise if this isn't allowed.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoThruTrucks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A robber breaks into a bank

When he arrives he sees the security guard at his desk, sobbing

β€œI c-can’t believe the boss forgot my b-b-birthday”

Seeing this opportunity, the thief sneaks round to the back steals the security codes and goes to access the vault.

Unfortunately for the thief, the head of the bank was busy giving a tour to some possible investors and is at the vault.

Upon seeing the thief (who is stupidly dressed in horizontal black and white stripes) he exclaims, β€œHOW DID YOU GET PAST MY SECURITY!!?!”

To which the thief replies, β€œYou let your guard down”

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNewMadMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
You see a desk, I see an opportunity v.redd.it/vznvn0uwajg41
πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tendu-or-do-not
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
One of my friends made a mini-computer. Saw my opportunity and took it :)
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/litty_kitty73
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
You know, out West they're started to ban those big round bales of hay you see in that field over there..

.... The cows aren't getting three square meals a day.

(Also, to those who tell dad jokes at every opportunity, I really appreciate you. As a person who grew up without the joy of a pops embarrassing me with terrible jokes, I was always bewildered by the stereotype. Recently though, I've been taking a microeconomics course I was dreading having to take and my professor has "big econ dad" energy. There's a joke every few minutes in his lectures and they give me the energy to keep going. You are appreciated. Even if your kids, spouse, partner, friends, strangers groan at you, undoubtedly someone out there really appreciates your goofiness).

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plantborb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Starbucks is missing out on a huge business opportunity by NOT selling masks that you can drink through.

They could call them coughy filters.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
He really jumped on that opportunity
πŸ‘︎ 206
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: Years ago I had the opportunity to meet R.E.M., and we even took a picture together with my buddies.

Son: Where are you in the photo?

Dad: That's me in the corner.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-ay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
On a post about a washed up whale. This person SEAS the opportunity and they take it!
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aakashrajaraman
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I’d like the opportunity for all of us to see the next day. #stayathome
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLisaShow2020
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Micro pun
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jdramanuj
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The best cars.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElectronicHeart29
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
After a long shift, I was given this opportunity. v.redd.it/18cblj38tnv41
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evandolajakulater
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Those who think the COVID-19 vaccine will modify their DNA

Should see it as an opportunity

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wibie90
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Whoever named pirate's telescopes spyglasses really missed an opportunity.

They should have been called "Ayeglasses."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hypnotoadful
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t know how they missed the opportunity
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patty_Pimp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Johnson&Johnson just announced that M&M will be the spokesman for their new Covid vaccine commercial...

Cuz you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
There was a fog machine on sale, but I didn't have enough cash.

It was a mist opportunity.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Predestinatural
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
We will find you one day, space cowboy <3 We will not lose the Opportunity...
πŸ‘︎ 283
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanBamcookies
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Rare pun opportunity, I think I nailed it
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JayWex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Whoever decided to called them Dentures....

....really missed an opportunity to call them Substitooths.

πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I listen to every type of music except heavy metal

Because heavy metals are toxic.

(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)

πŸ‘︎ 206
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
This quarantine has provided me the perfect opportunity to start a yacht making company in my attic...

Sails are through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/void_burglar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
God gave me an opportunity

God said he's giving me an opportunity to pass along to the new world but i missed the train.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mi88ir
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My moms putting curtains up. Perfect pun opportunity.

Mom: β€œMatthew! Can you grab the screws please?”

Me: β€œOh screw this.”

Mom: β€œCan you grab some nails?”

Me: β€œYup.” Sees the curtains up β€œOh wow you’re really nailing it.”

Mom: β€œThe drills on the counter. Would you mind...”

Me: β€œDon’t worry. I know the drill by now.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/demonwithfries
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The NBA played it's first game in France yesterday. I decided to use that opportunity to make a ton of French puns. roto.life/nba-paris-game-…
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bathrobeDFS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A missed opportunity /r/britishproblems/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Missed opportunity.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maxhallhatesm3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Someone with the last name Hindsight missed an opportunity to run for president.

Hindsight is 2020 though.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Two many opportunities for punning here.
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EkskiuTwentyTwo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œChelsea’s Pizza” I said, reading a sign as we walked. My son replied β€œDid you say Elsa’s Pizza?” Realizing the opportunity I said β€œNo, but what kind of pizza would they serve at Elsa’s Pizza?

β€œFrozen pizza” said my son, rolling his eyes.

β€œExactly, my son. Frozen pizza.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jamikula
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Is it just me or did Kleenex miss a huge opportunity to say β€œSneeze This Moment”?
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Opportunity knocks
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/size15s
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My pet frog broke his leg this morning...

He’s very unhoppy.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
He saw the opportunity and took it
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pradays
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Really!? That was a golden opportunity!

Watching the new season of The Chef Show on the Netflix, and in the Hog Island episode, John asks why cheese industry is so big there, and someone replies β€œit’s a beautiful place for dairy, it also it’s just a big dairy area”.

You mean.................................. a dairy-ah?

I’ll see myself out.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmashusK
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths".
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/h_space
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report

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