My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Batman Forever on Netflix.
I said, “No, only for the next couple of hours.”
The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...
"...40 second birthday".
I was so proud.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
As a dad, I won't let my kids watch any shows on t.v. with orchestra in it....
Too much sax and violins.
NASA put a watch around a potted plant and sent it on a rocket to the sun. I said to my Daughter, "don't worry, it will be ok.."
"a watched pot never boils"
Nothing goes wrong on my watch
Why shouldn't you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
I lost my watch at a party on Saturday...
An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.
Today I took a single Cheerio from my son’s bowl, stared him in the eyes, placed it on the table, smashed it with my fist, and said “Watch out...”
My mom told me not to watch anything on the tv
So I watched next to the tv
My son did not watch were he was going and slammed faced down on hard surface
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand-new Rolex."
My husband slapped a fly off the door and said 'Not on my watch!'
I told him "Nah, that's a door"
You can now watch the World Origami Championship on tv since all these other sports are being cancelled.
Julie Andrews’ Daily Schedule: 1. Impersonate Homer Simpson 2. Read about bushcraft 3. Watch ludicrously silly play 4. Replace button on blouse 5. Start making coffee flavoured bread
D’oh, Ray Mears, Farce, Sew, Latte Dough.
The best time on an analogue watch is 6:30
Why does Sean Connery watch Two and a Half Men on mute?
Because Charlie should be sheen and not heard.
My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange on DVD, but I declined.
I had Stranger Things to watch.
As the newest medic on my shift, my boss told me it was my responsibility to watch the office.
I’m currently on season 6, and still have no idea what this has to do with being a medic.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
My wife told me to pick a bigger New year's resolution than "watch more sports on TV".
Unfortunately, our TV only does 1080p 60fps.
My wife recently asked if I wanted to watch the biodrama on the history of tampons,
I said sure, I love period pieces.
I've started wearing a watch on my back.
People look at me funny, but I know I'm actually ahead of my time.
My girlfriend asked why I put a watch on the bed before going to sleep.
I told her I wanted to wake up on time
Someone sent me a video on WhatsApp saying, "I bet you can't watch this for more than 10 seconds!"
He was absolutely right. The video was only 5 seconds long.
My brother and I inherited a watch from my grandfather, which we take turns wearing on special occasions.
On the way to an important meeting and my watch stopped working
I've got no time for this
The announcement said to keep a close watch on my bag...
I decided not to put my watch on today before going out.
I wanted to have a timeless look.
My friend let me watch some British singer on his laptop.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
I WAS on top of the laundry. Then my wife had to ruin everything and tell me to fold it like I promised and stop lying on it while I watch TV.
I was fiddling with my watch in bed today and it came off and fell on my face
It clocked me pretty good
I lost my watch at a party once, turns out there was a guy harassing a woman while stepping on my watch. I went over to him a punched him, saying, “No one does that to a woman...
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand new Rolex."
My wife asked me whether I want to watch Dr. Strange on Netflix.
I told her no. I had Stranger Things to watch.
My wife asked if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange on Netflix.
I said, “No. I have Stranger Things to watch.”
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing this girl.
I walked up to the guy, punched him right in the face.
No one does that to a girl...... not on my watch.
I wanted to watch the world championship of origami on tv
but it was only on paper view
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
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