It was the Absolut wurst.
The Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here."
Me: Tonka Schoen
A book mark.
You haven’t? It’s such a bad joke, it’s the wurst.
Hope for the best, prepare for the Wurst
"Hallo, Ween!" said the German.
"Shut up, do I really look that bad?" Ween asked.
How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop
any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd
never met herbivore.
When chemists die, they barium.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
Why were the Indians in America first? They had reservations.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she
couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A theasaurus.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The
police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off!
Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
My friend sent me these puns idk source just thought you would enjoy
So my wife and I are house/petsitting for some friends of ours. They have two cats, and a ten month old German Shepard. Being ten months old, the puppy is still a little rowdy. Tonite, after we took him for a walk, we let him kind of hang out in the house.
He still wanted to play, and jammed his elephant toy in my wife's face as she sat on the couch crocheting. She pulled back and he jammed it into her chest, then released and bit down to get a better grip on the toy.
In doing so he just clipped my wife's ahem nipple. She immediately pushed the dog away and grabbed the affected area. I stood up to help, somehow, and asked her if she was okay.
She looked me straight in the eye and said "Yeah, it's just a little nip." I couldn't be more proud.
A man in Switzerland is trying to get his grandfather clock fixed, and brings it into a clock shop.
The clock shop attendant asks the man "What seems to be the trouble?"
"Well, the clock tells time just fine. However, as you can hear, it ticks... But doesn't tock."
"Hmm, I think our Horologist will need to take a look at your clock. Please bring it into the back."
So the man wheels his clock into the back room, and there is an old, balding man, wearing a lab coat and thick horn rimmed glasses. He asks the man in a thick German accent "What seems to be the problem?"
"Well, you see, this clock ticks, but it doesn't tock."
"I see," says the horologist. He turns on a single light bulb, and turns off the lights to the room, and pulls out some pliers from his labcoat, and says, in his thick German accent...
"We have ways of making you tock."
(While we are watching Old Faithful)
Dad: Did you know each eruption of Old Faithful gets a name?
Me: Like hurricanes? No I didn't
Dad: Yeah, except they all have German names. I think it's because Old Faithful was discovered by Germans.
Me: That's really interesting. What's this one called?
Dad: Geyser Wilhelm.
Gf: "German is actually quite difficult."
Me: "Naw, it's not THAT hard."
Gf: "Well, it's just so hard to say!"
Me: "Son, say German."
4yo son: "Jehr-muhn."
Me: "See? Even a 4 year old can do it."
