Off Shell Puns

It didn't work, now he is more sluggish....

But now he's just sluggish

It ended up making him sluggish.

But they just end up being sluggish.

Edit: Don't thank me, the wife laid this one on me just now. I told her was going to post this on reddit, she said we've run out of stamps.

Well after that he became a big sluggish.

It was a real slug fest.

My thinking was that if I take their shells off, that they'd be lighter and quicker.

All it did was make them a bit sluggish.

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, “Constipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said “No, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, “People who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, “Yeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. “Taken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

I thought I'd take off the shell to make them faster, but it just made them sluggish.

I took its shell off to make it lighter, thus quicker.

But that just made it more sluggish...

And I bought her M&Ms for a snack. The movie is letting out and we are sitting there talking.

Her - "ugh the M&Ms are melted."

I begin to tell her M&Ms history about how they were made so soldiers could have chocolate without the worry of them melting.

Her -" but the shells are sweaty"

" yeah how else do you think they stay cool?"

She literally just got up and left while I was sitting there laughing my ass off.

I was eating breakfast with my dad (one of them), peeling a hardboiled egg. The shell was sticking and I was getting quite frustrated. Me: This thing is pissing me off! Dad: Is it egging you on? Me: <slow claps>

But if anything, it made him more sluggish.

Would it be faster... Or abit sluggish?

Just made it a bit sluggish.

My tactic was if I take the shells off, they’ll be lighter and quicker,

All it did was make them a bit sluggish

he took off his shell so he would be faster but in the end he just felt a bit sluggish