Obsessivity Puns

I told her, "may divorce be with you."

I said "No wait, I can change, swap, exchange or switch.

I finally had to quit cold turkey.

and immediately crashes it, killing several people.

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he’s offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him.

The next day, he’s led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

There’s never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.

Within a week’s time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one.

He doesn’t care that he can’t drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people.

Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.

His last meal request is a single banana. When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.

The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.

His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death.

They ask him what he’d like for his last meal. “A single banana,” he says.

“Oh, no you don’t, you son of a bitch. We’re on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you’re not escaping this time!”

The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.

The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

“Did you give him the banana?” demands the head guard.

“No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn’t give it to him, we swear!” says one of the guards.

Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.

She said I have too many issues.

She was so excited when I got home and told her about it

He's feeling a little "melon call-y."

And they're off!

OC/DC.

My dad ladies and gentlemen, give him a hand.

…my knee is so sore I’m developing a limp.

Pardon my French, but now I’m his raisin debtor.

I can simp a thighs.

I think she's a Quack addict!

To which I said “Oh come on, Eileen”

The mosketo.

It Taurus apart

I think he's a heroine addict.

because they're quite the CATCH

But take a look at me now.

She was still obsessed with her x

Later, I realized it was just a phase.

I told her she has to let the man-go.

teeth gritting noises

A hippa potty mouse

I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.

He's kind of a big dill.

I never should have married a muggle.

I said please don't dash dot!

He has selfie steam issues (Stolen from Siri but I though it should go here)

I wonder what she’s up to now.

More on this after the break.

It's a Risk but I have to take it!

Divorce is strong with this one.

Oh well, hind sight is 1.

Because Jumba believed everyone should start the day off on the right foot

I told her not to worry, it’s only a phase.

She's a countess.

OC/DC, we called ourselves.

A lunar-tic.

She said, “Yeah.”

I said, “I knew it!”

I hope it’s just a parsing interest

I have to draw the lime somewhere.

And they’re off!!!

And they're off!

It Taurus apart.

I wonder what she is up to now.

More on this after the break.