Plushtrap, Vanny, and Dreadbear are watching the premiere of the Freddy Fazbear Show.

Freddy: So I'd like to introduce my uh... My co-host, Toy Freddy!

Toy Freddy walks out and waves to the camera as the band plays and a clap track is heard

Toy Freddy: What's happening man?!

Freddy: Oh uh... This...

Freddy covers one nostril with his finger and shoots a snot rocket at the camera as a scream track is played

Vanny looks at Plushtrap

Vanny: This is who ya lost your body to Mistah A?

Plushtrap leans his head up and lets out a defeated sigh

There is a knock on the door soon after.

Dreadbear: Dreadbear will get it! And Dreadbear will not smash it with his retard strength like he did with the puppy we found on the way home!

Dreadbear looks at Plushtrap smiling

Plushtrap nods in approval

Dreadbear opens the door and in walks Circus Baby and Molten Freddy.

Baby: Daddy!!

Vanny: Hold on who the fuck is dis bitch?!

Plushtrap: That is my daughter Vanny.

Vanny: Okay good...

Molten Freddy: Thank God you called! I hate living alone with this trashy bitch!

Baby: Says the mangled up fleshpile!

Plushtrap: That's enough you tw- you three! Now... Daddy needs to get his b- Vanny what are you doing?

Vanny is sprawled out on the couch fingering herself

Vanny: Sorry Mistah A... When you called yourself Daddy I got wet as the fuckin' Gulf of Mexico.

Plushtrap: Goddamnit! This is why we can't get shit done!

Dreadbear: Dreadbear ate glass and now his mouth is bleeding!

Plushtrap: You know what? Fuck it, I'll do it myself... Wait, where is Chica?

Baby: Oh she works for Freddy now... She said she's tired of family drama.

Plushtrap: Good for her! I'm glad her plans are working!

Plushtrap storms out of the house and slams the door

Everyone looks at eachother in silence.

Baby: Are you fucking my dad?

Plushtrap makes his way toward Náströnd, a highly guarded prison that also doubles as a sortve testing facility.

Plushtrap: Alright, my body should be in there... All I have to do is find it and get the hell out of here in it...

Plushtrap climbs a gate leading to the bridge that covers a huge distance between it and the mainland

After about a 30 minute jog Plushtrap is finally at the front.

Plushtrap: Fucking ridiculous... It's a prison, not a nuclear testing site...

Guard: Hey there little man! You're not suppose to be here.

Plushtrap: I'm here t

Vanny, Dreadbear, Baby, and Molten Freddy make their way toward Náströnd where Plushtrap is now being held

Vanny: Alright so here is the plan... GO FUCKIN' CRAZY!!

The four scream and run to the front gate of Náströnd

Meanwhile inside, Plushtrap is sitting in a room with Security Puppet.

Security Puppet: Now see? I just knew you was gonna come try to get your body back.

Plushtrap: You've been monologuing for 45 minutes and I still have yet to hear HOW you knew.

Security Puppet: Oh, pardon. That was easy heh. When you turned into your uh... Digital form, our people here scanned the shit out of you and everything you looked through.

Plushtrap slams his hands on the table

Plushtrap: GIVE ME MY BODY BACK!

Security Puppet: Ohhh you'll get your body boy... But I have plans for you AND your friends.

Security Puppet looks at a monitor and notices the gang beating the shit out of guards

Security Puppet: Speak of the devils! And they made it easy too!

Security Puppet gets up

Plushtrap: You cant take four people at once! One of them has retard strength!

Security Puppet: We'll see about that boy... Now you just watch them cameras and watch how we do it!

Security Puppet sprints to another room and Plushtrap notices the door is still slightly open

Plushtrap: Stupid redneck!

Plushtrap runs to the door and exits the room to begin the search for his body

Security Puppet: She ready fellas?

Lab Employee: Yes sir, good to go.

Security Puppet: I'm gonna show these yuppies how its done!

Security Puppet enters a black bear suit and it powers on

Plushtrap: Alright let's see...

Plushtrap walks through multiple halls until he reaches a room near the end with his body perfectly placed on a table

Plushtrap: Too easy...

Plushtrap runs up to his body and begins transferring his soul into it

Plushtrap drops to the floor and Springtrap begins moving his fingers

Springtrap: Wow... That was almost too easy. Almost like-

The door slam close

Springtrap stares at the doors.

Springtrap: SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!!

Springtrap begins stomping on the ground

Springtrap grabs the Plushtrap doll and slings it into a wall

Dreadbear: There is so many of them! But they all fleshlights!!

Vanny: That dont mean what you think it does sweetheart-

*Vanny turns toward Dreadbear and sees him walking toward a guard on the floor with two broken legs, screaming and backing away

>The old man slowly looks up from his glass of Isav’s special, a thick golden drink,and over to a table in the corner of the tavern. “They never learn, huh?” he thinks to himself “Already the third group this week. What do they expect?” He takes another sip while watching the four people at the table. Adventurers. That's what they claim to be. Just like the ones who sat at the same table just a few days before. And the ones before those guys. A roaring laugh echoes through the small tavern room. They were always laughing. But not for long. The man continues watching as another person approaches the table.  The newcomer wears a black green cloak, the hood hiding his face. “And here we go again.” The four adventures suddenly seem very serious. Nobody was joking around anymore. After a quiet conversation the hooded man stands up and leaves. Soon after, the four other people also leave the tavern. “Well, they never learn huh..” The Old man’s head slowly sinks down onto the table, his mind too clouded from the strong alcohol to stay awake any longer.

Welcome to the Náströnd Saga

So if you are still here after this small introduction you may wonder, what is this campaign all about? Maybe you are familiar with the Youtube Series “The West Marches”. If you are, then you pretty much know it already since I use many of the Rules Steven Lumpkin came up with and the whole thing has pretty much the same premise.

If you don’t know it, you play as adventurer in a big open world. Each session you can choose to pursue a quest given to you by the people in the town you are in. Or you could just venture out into the wilderness and search for another adventure yourselves. But be warned. Most areas are planned out before hand and some may not be suitable for a group of new adventurers and could mean certain death. Also every action you take has an effect on the world. Those effects can range from the magic armor you looted from that grave not being there later when someone else tries to retrieve it, to a demon summoned into the mortal plane because you made the mistake messing with the wrong cultists.

The players can choose when to play. Also they don’t have to play every session. There is no fixed group. If there are 4 people who want to play a session, awesome, let’s do it. There are 4 different people the week after? Alright, no problem.

If you are somebody that want's to throw some dice from now and then but is far too busy to play every single

>The bearded barkeep sets down another mug of his best ale at one of the tables. He gives the tall elv a reasuring pat on the back. "Don't worry son! You're in good company here!"
The elv relaxes visibly and gives the barkeep a nervous smile. It's his first time going out there. Really going out there. The only thing he had known until now was the path between Lithandel and his village. He had never left the path before. The wilds are dagerous - they had told him for all his life.
After finally making enough money to buy a sword and a set of leather armor he now has also brought up enough courage to go up to the dark wooden table in the back. He asked the group sitting there if it would be alright to come with them. The large, muscular man had given him a grim nod and the gnome, wearing heavy chainmail armor had told him about the tomb he found a couple of weeks back. 
The elv takes a sip from the strong drink that is now standing before him. You can do this.

Welcome to the Náströnd Sagas

Are you somebody who'd like to play some D&D but leads a very busy life that doesn't allow them to play every week?
Do you want to play in a setting that is very much inspired by norse mythology with some sprinkles of Witcher, Dark Souls and Lovecraft on top?

Or are you already familiar with what the Westmarches implies and are wanting to try it out?

Then this might be the game for you.

What does Westmarches mean?

The Westmarches is a campaign concept that allows the dm to play with a large number of players or with players who don't have the time to play regulary.

Everything takes place in a large persistent world that changes over time. Every week, a new party, with different players, goes out there to either go after treasure, follow up on some rumors or further their personal goals.

The game mostly focuses on exploration and in session character development/discovery.

The outside world can be a dangerous place though.

The wilderness does not pull punches. Different areas are balanced around different levels, meaning there are threats that not every party can handle. Sometimes running is the best option. Then, a higher level party can return at some point to take care of the problem.

This is the basic concept of the game.

Who even are you?

I've started to dm 5 years ago. During this time I dm'ed a great number of different campaigns with different rulesets. (DH, Shadowrun, Pathfinder, Dungeon World, 5E, SWN ... ).

IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT WRITING AN APLICATION, PLEASE READ AT LEAST THE "GENERAL INFO" AND "ABOUT APPLICATIONS" SECTIONS. I WILL KNOW IF YOU DID NOT READ THEM.

Introduction:

A twisted looking, humanoid looking creature fell out of the sky, its leathery wings folded behind its back, head pointed down towards the battlefield. It seemed to have no face. Some say it looked like the face of a human who’s entire head was once burned to get rid of all its facial features. Still diving towards the ground at a neck breaking speed the creature’s head suddenly looked like it split open. First only a thin crimson red line appeared across it’s faceless face but soon it began to widen until it looked like a big gash from a blade. Black blood began to drip out of it as it grew bigger and bigger until it seemed like the creature had a crooked grinning mouth on its otherwise empty face. A volley of arrows ascended into towards the falling demon. With an unearthly screech it opened its wings as if to welcome the projectiles shooting towards it. A moment later numerous shafts were sticking out of the creature's body and it was carried back into the air quite a bit due to the massive force of the impacts. Unfortunately it did not seem to mind the hits. Just the opposite. Its mouth, if one could call it that widened even more and sharp teeth broke through the flesh while it was falling the last few meters to the ground. An unexpecting soldier was completely crushed by the weight of the creature's body. With a hissing sound the demons buried its teeth in another soldier's shoulder who couldn’t turn around quick enough to block the attack. With another twist of its head the creature tore the man's arm off. It turned around, black and red blood dripping down from its face. Suddenly all noises seemed muffled. Then a huge stone fist flattened the still grinning monster. With a deep bassy grunt the stone giant slowly pulled itself free from the ground and began running across the battlefield tearing through the enemy's lines, a small figure standing on its shoulder.

An unknown number of years later:

The old man slowly looks up from his glass of Isav’s special, a thick golden drink,and over to a table in the corner of the tavern. “They never learn, huh?” he thinks to himself “Already the third group this week. What do they expect?” He takes another sip while watching the four people at the table. Adventurers. That's what they claim to be. Just like the ones who sat at th

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Buenosdillas

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

There hasn't been a post all year!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT WRITING AN APLICATION, PLEASE READ AT LEAST THE "GENERAL INFO" AND "ABOUT APPLICATIONS" SECTIONS. I WILL KNOW IF YOU DID NOT READ THEM.

Introduction:

A twisted looking, humanoid looking creature fell out of the sky, its leathery wings folded behind its back, head pointed down towards the battlefield. It seemed to have no face. Some say it looked like the face of a human who’s entire head was once burned to get rid of all its facial features. Still diving towards the ground at a neck breaking speed the creature’s head suddenly looked like it split open. First only a thin crimson red line appeared across it’s faceless face but soon it began to widen until it looked like a big gash from a blade. Black blood began to drip out of it as it grew bigger and bigger until it seemed like the creature had a crooked grinning mouth on its otherwise empty face. A volley of arrows ascended into towards the falling demon. With an unearthly screech it opened its wings as if to welcome the projectiles shooting towards it. A moment later numerous shafts were sticking out of the creature's body and it was carried back into the air quite a bit due to the massive force of the impacts. Unfortunately it did not seem to mind the hits. Just the opposite. Its mouth, if one could call it that widened even more and sharp teeth broke through the flesh while it was falling the last few meters to the ground. An unexpecting soldier was completely crushed by the weight of the creature's body. With a hissing sound the demons buried its teeth in another soldier's shoulder who couldn’t turn around quick enough to block the attack. With another twist of its head the creature tore the man's arm off. It turned around, black and red blood dripping down from its face. Suddenly all noises seemed muffled. Then a huge stone fist flattened the still grinning monster. With a deep bassy grunt the stone giant slowly pulled itself free from the ground and began running across the battlefield tearing through the enemy's lines, a small figure standing on its shoulder.

An unknown number of years later:

The old man slowly looks up from his glass of Isav’s special, a thick golden drink,and over to a table in the corner of the tavern. “They never learn, huh?” he thinks to himself “Already the third group this week. What do they expect?” He takes another sip while watching the four people at the table. Adventurers. That's what they claim to be. Just like the ones who sat at th

IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT WRITING AN APLICATION, PLEASE READ AT LEAST THE "GENERAL INFO" AND "ABOUT APPLICATIONS" SECTIONS. I WILL KNOW IF YOU DID NOT READ THEM.

Introduction:

A twisted looking, humanoid looking creature fell out of the sky, its leathery wings folded behind its back, head pointed down towards the battlefield. It seemed to have no face. Some say it looked like the face of a human who’s entire head was once burned to get rid of all its facial features. Still diving towards the ground at a neck breaking speed the creature’s head suddenly looked like it split open. First only a thin crimson red line appeared across it’s faceless face but soon it began to widen until it looked like a big gash from a blade. Black blood began to drip out of it as it grew bigger and bigger until it seemed like the creature had a crooked grinning mouth on its otherwise empty face. A volley of arrows ascended into towards the falling demon. With an unearthly screech it opened its wings as if to welcome the projectiles shooting towards it. A moment later numerous shafts were sticking out of the creature's body and it was carried back into the air quite a bit due to the massive force of the impacts. Unfortunately it did not seem to mind the hits. Just the opposite. Its mouth, if one could call it that widened even more and sharp teeth broke through the flesh while it was falling the last few meters to the ground. An unexpecting soldier was completely crushed by the weight of the creature's body. With a hissing sound the demons buried its teeth in another soldier's shoulder who couldn’t turn around quick enough to block the attack. With another twist of its head the creature tore the man's arm off. It turned around, black and red blood dripping down from its face. Suddenly all noises seemed muffled. Then a huge stone fist flattened the still grinning monster. With a deep bassy grunt the stone giant slowly pulled itself free from the ground and began running across the battlefield tearing through the enemy's lines, a small figure standing on its shoulder.

An unknown number of years later:

The old man slowly looks up from his glass of Isav’s special, a thick golden drink,and over to a table in the corner of the tavern. “They never learn, huh?” he thinks to himself “Already the third group this week. What do they expect?” He takes another sip while watching the four people at the table. Adventurers. That's what they claim to be. Just like the ones who sat at th