I just got a new job in a factory making plastic Draculas. There are only two of us on the production line
so I have to make every second count.
People ask how I get around extortionate Cinema food prices.
Well, I’ve got a few Twix up my sleeve.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Only a fraction of you will understand that
Parallel lines have so much in common
It's a shame they'll never meet.
I'm a line cook and looking for a way to get in on some of the extra cash that servers earn.
Got any tips you can share?
What do you call a line of rabbits hopping backwards?
What do you call a bunch of vegetables standing in a line?
New father here.
Our newborn was sleeping on my chest yesterday. She woke up crying. "Woke up on the wrong side of the dad huh?" I said. She stopped crying.... Felt good.
My new password is: MickeyMinnieGoofyDonaldPlutoHueyLouieDeweyDublin.
Because it said my password had to contain 8 characters and at least one capital.
Two men were seen stealing ladies underwear from washing lines.
Police are looking for a pair of knickers
A seismologist makes a discovery along an active fault line.
It’s absolutely groundbreaking.
One of my students got out of line
I probably should stop teaching mountain climbing
The other day I was stood in a queue for the barbers, the line was so long they started handing out burgers and hot dogs.
Best barber-queue I’ve ever been too
Impossible Foods is introducing a new line of Edible Plant based Panties.
Remake of Alien coming to cinemas near you!
What do you call 7 rabbits in a line walking backwards?
A receding hairline
(shoutout to a client of mine who gave me this banger)
Why did someone lose their job at the Pixar cinema?
I have a new pen that can write underwater, and in a volcano and on the north pole.
It can write other things too.
What do you call a bathroom line?
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun.
Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.
What did Velveeta call their new line of designer brand cheese?
My wife tried to buy an exotic snake on line. When the package arrived, it only contained feather scarves.
Looks like, the boa cons tricked her.
How do you like my new pickup line?
Delighted to say I've finally got a new job installing mirrors!
Nothing fancy, but was something I could always see myself doing.
How many times do you have to tickle an octopus to make it laugh?
Ten tickles!
Of course it only has eight of those.
So the first two were test tickles!
A baseball player was shopping at the dairy while in a bad mood. He'd played in a home run derby yesterday; though he got more runs than anyone else, another player was awarded the trophy. While in line at the register, the lady in front of him was short on cash. He decided to do a good deed, so...
The bitter, better-batter bought her butter!
I’m making a new documentary series on how to fly an airplane
We are currently filming the pilot
This is my best pick-up line
If my son ever came out to be trans then I wouldn’t have a son anymore
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
If you come to a line of cats, why do you have to pay to cross it?
Because it's a feline.
My family doesn't appreciate my humor.
If someone told me tomorrow is the start of a new month...
Have you heard about the new restaurant on the moon?
They have great food but no atmosphere
I was standing in line waiting to have my hair cut, when I noticed that no one had started a fire yet.
I thought, "This is a shit barber queue."
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
I got a new job on a plastic Dracula production line.
There are only two of us working so I have to make every second count.
I just got a job on a production line making plastic Draculas
There's only two of us working there, so I have to make every second count.
There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Yeah, and only a fraction of you will find this funny.
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.
Only a fraction of people will understand this.
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
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