Never Miss A Beat Puns

(comment about something to do with hearing loss)

My dad "huh?"

He's been doing it my entire life and I still occasionally repeat what I said.

So my little brother asked me to do him a solid (a favor for those who don't know) and get him a Coke, and without missing a beat, from his bedroom, my dad yells: "once you do that for your brother, mind doing me a liquid?", followed by giggling and shame.

Sitting in the living room talking about the appeal of nascar with the family when my step mother said she liked the drag races more. Without missing a beat I popped off with: I've never understood the appeal of watching grown men in high heels running down the street.

It was the best part of my day to watch everyone in the room pause, turn slowly toward me and groan loudly

L: Daddy? Me: Yes, sweety L: I, hungry H, without missing a beat: Hi hungry, I'm H!

I've never been prouder.

We used to watch The Simpsons every night, and the conversation about 10 minutes before the show would start went like this

Me: "What's The Simpsons about tonight?"

Dad: "About half an hour"

Eventually, and I'm talking years, I started to remember to phrase it differently instead of just asking what I instinctively would, but he never missed a beat

Me: "Which episode is coming on tonight?"

Dad: "The one that's about half an hour"

I work as a grocery stocker and last night I came across a new brand of water that I had never seen before.

Rather than spend my precious time looking for where it was supposed to go I went to my boss to find out where it goes.

Me:"Hey Sir, Where does the Niagara Water go?" Boss:(without missing a beat)"Lake Ontario"

A customer nearby groaned and shook his head.

We are at his martial arts competition and saw a sign on the bathroom before we walked in: Please Do Not Walk Bearfoot in the Bathroom

Without missing a beat, I looked at him and said, "I guess it's a good thing we have people feet." There was a substantial groan.

Pic of the sign in the comments. Edit: never mind, it won't let me post the picture.

She generally groans or rolls her eyes at my cornucopia of dad jokes but today I said "I'm tired" and without missing a beat she replied "Hi Tired!" She then got me again about half an hour later when I said "I'm asleep" "Hi Asleep!"

I have never been so proud in my life.

This particular co-worker claims that he goes to the gym all the time, however he never looks any skinnier or fitter, according to my mom.

Without missing a beat, I offered my opinion on the matter: "It sounds like his routine is ... not working out."

My 20 year old daughter works in a local small specialty bake shop (Gluten Free, Organic, Vegan). The owner gave her some cash and sent her to the local Sprouts for some salt. She was shoveling salt from the bin into a bag and had about 5 lbs already in the bag and was still shoveling. She noticed a mid 40's man looking at her in wonder. With out missing a beat, my baby girl says "We have one hell of a snail problem" and keeps shoveling.

I've never been more proud.

It was so wonderful, it brought a tear to the eye! His sister got home from a friend's house when he showed her a package of Turtles he bought for her. Her immediate response was " Score!! Without missing a beat, he said "Actually, those are Turtles"

I've never been so proud!

Not so much a joke, but...

During our annual Thanksgiving drive to Grandma's we pulled into a rest stop and while we were standing at the urinals, I said "Damn, that water is cold" to which -- and my Dad has never had a sense of humor, not even dadjokes -- my Dad said without missing a beat: "and deep too!"