"Well," he replied, "I'll do it if you pay me £400."
So I gave him £400, and he said, "Right, I'll start asking around."
Why couldn't Doofenshmirtz do his fractions?
Because Perry got rid of the denom-inator
I said yeah me too that’s why I’m looking for my glasses
Just a heads up.
otherwise it's just Halifact.
You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.
Allaskya
What happens when you throw butter up in the air??
Butterflies
Someone has to throw them to me.
They thought he was pretty Charmin.
I think we have to take him to the dogtor
He's a bit of a cycle path
I look over, and he's reaching into his pocket and pulls out a little vial, and shakes it out all over me. He hands me this vial and he's made a shitty label around it, and he wrote on this fricken label, "Directions: Add in salt to injury".
He's a legend among my friends dads.
ASAP
As mushroom as possible.
I looked at the family colander, but it was hit or miss.
http://m.imgur.com/gallery/N34g1kT
Seems like i have a really bad case of earontable bowel syndrome
For some time many of us have wondered, just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my personal genealogy research efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
We're catching up on Agents of SHIELD tonight, and I commented that Agent Gonzales always seems to be conspicuously drinking a glass of water. My husband agreed that he does seem suspicious, and wondered aloud if he was actually a traitor.
I responded, "He may just be trying to stay Hydra-ated," and proceeded to fall over laughing on the couch while the husband slowly shook his head and sighed. Somewhere, my dad is glowing with pride.
My friend's dad saw me at church by myself and goes "since you're here without your family, does that make you a semicolon?"
Was driving my brother to school when Volcano started playing on the radio, so I turned to him and asked "Do you know?"
"Do I know what?"
Singing along now:
"I don't know"
"I don't know"
"I don't know where I'm gonna go when the volcano blows"
He stuck his hands over his ears and groaned no, so I don't know if knows where to go either.
