His name was Matt Buttlicker.
So the moment he turned 18, against the wishes of his family, he went straight to a court and officially changed his name to Dave Buttlicker.
He was the Father of Comedy
He is now unencumbered.
I will just avoid reddit until christmas. They should have gotten old bi den.
"So there is pontiac. Porsche. Packard.. You know what a Packard is, dont ya? Or is that a little before your time? How old are you? So you know what it is then, right?" So he sets up the joke incorrectly by not giving me a chance to name any. But to him, this joke is SO funny, there is no way to make it unfunny. ".. well none of them because they all start with gas." Then he turns and acts like he is about to walk out of the store, like he dropped the proverbial mic. So I feign a half smile & say "yep. Gas. Thats a good one."
An attractive woman arrives at a party. While scanning the guests she spots an interesting looking man standing alone. She approaches him and says "Hello, my name is Carmen."
"That's a beautiful name" he says, "is it a family name?"
"No", she replies. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things I enjoy most...cars and men. Therefore I chose Carmen."
"What's your name?" she asks.
The man replies "B.J.......B.J. Titsngolf."
Tomorrow we will be adopting a new kitten, and I am hoping to find the most appropriate name that is fun and punny and appropriately a dad joke. Give me your best (or worst) ideas!
For context, itβs a longhaired gray female kitten thatβs about a year old. Sheβs replacing our 17 year old cat we put down today after a short illness.
EDIT: cat tax. https://postimg.cc/vDPj2brf
With a confused but serious look the officer replied "The (city-name) Police Department doesn't have any balls sir". After my brief chuckle he used the force to arrest me. Not the light force or the dark force. He used excessive force. The light sabers are black and made of wood but they really hurt. The force was strong with that one.
Because otherwise he'd be Eh-wah Woo-wah:P
This one is called "terrible one liner"
My parents In Wisconsin are Nana and Papa, named by older cousins, but my kids are the oldest on my wifeβs side, so now all 13 of their grandkids call her parents Mimi and Lefty. Mimi isnβt a joke name, but I do like that itβs close to the name of where they live,Miami. When Lefty asked βwhy Lefty?β, I told him because Papa in Wisconsin is North Pa, that means being all the way at the tip of Florida makes him South Pa.
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
I'm going to call it "Under One Woof."
But Iβm not sure little Pete and Repete appreciate it.
What jiggles around when it flies in the sky?
A jellycopter
I am proud of my boy
I said, "Wow, that's rare."
Just like your mama.
(Seriously, the domain name is available)
Some times Mayo-neighs! π΄
NoBell Prize
That's just mean
Worst mechanic the luftwaffa ever had
...and if I canβt sue Ez, can Al?
Anna one, Anna two.
Do you know what she bought?
Ciabatta bread
β-
Iβm pretty proud of this one π
It turns out it was just a Fluke.
Idk if this is where I should post, but I want to make a valintiens day card for my bf, but I want to make a punny joke using his last name, Borba or nickname, BoBo. Any ideas?
They are pure breads.
On the other hand, Iβm ok.
Mississippi
Jokes about anti-vaxxers... And anti-vaxxers's children!
That way if I ever have to use them, it would be considered assault with a dadly weapun
"Shur-i-can!"
It saw the oceanβs bottom.
A man named Dave comes home very drunk late at night...
So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, bang, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.
The guy refuses to believe this is happening, he says to St. Peter: "This can't be possible, I'm a healthy man! This is not the way I die. You have to let me return down there!"
The guy can see St. Peter looks like he's feeling sorry for him, but he tells him that unfortunately, there's no policy for allowing people back on Earth. The guy insists: "But come on, there's got to be something you can do! I'll put up with anything, really, as long as you let me go back down."
So St. Peters tells him: "Well really, there's just this one possibility: you can go back, but only as a hen. That's the only thing we can allow." The guy guesses that this really is his only chance, so he agrees reluctantly.
So he's back on Earth in this beautiful chicken coop, the sun is shining, there's green grass everywhere, this is hen paradise. The other hens greet him with delight and he tells them his story, everything goes nicely. But then he feels kind of unwell, there's something wrong with his stomach. He asks this old hen: "Tell me, I've got this weird feeling in my belly, I'm not too well. What is happening to me?"
The old hen: "Well dearie, we hens lay eggs, you know. I bet you've never laid a nice egg before... You need to push it out now, and you'll feel much better after!"
So the guy pushes and pushes, and wham, out pops his first egg. The old hen congratulates him and he feels much better. But not 5 minutes later, his pain comes back. He returns to the old hen for advice.
"Well dearie, it's quite special but it happens that you need to lay TWO eggs, so go back there and keep pushing!"
So he goes back to his nest and pushes, and nothing comes, and he pushes harder, and wham, out comes his second egg! He feels much better, but not 2 minutes later, you guessed it, he's back in terrible pain and goes to see the old hen.
"What's this bullshit here, and don't tell me I've got a third egg to lay!" The old hen can't make head or tail of it and just tells him that when in doubt, he should be pushing. So the guy goes back to work and then, wham, his wife wakes him up with this smashing slap in the face and yells: "*Dave! Dave wake up youβre
... keep reading on reddit β‘It definitely has its prose and cons
They called it Mega sore ass
Don't worry, it's just a hoptical illusion.
β¦β¦its pretty handy!
They had to dim sum
I told him that's just naan-sense.
They just called him Felonius Monk
