I said, "MAKE YOUR OWN FOSSILS?! I don't have time for that!"
She did not appreciate it as mush as I did.
They were trying to make a revolving door out of a giant glass jar, but they couldn't get it to close all the way.
I guess it's because the door is ajar.
It’s called “under the bleachers” by Seymour Butts. It definitely more captivating than the last exhibit “Spots on the Wall” by Hu Flung-Pu
When I asked if they'd decided on a name yet, he said "remains to be seen"
I guess that's a wrap then.
I want me Mummy!
I came up with this lame joke myself, not sure if it counts as a dad joke... but most dad jokes are lame, and it's a lame joke, so... yeah!
It’s fastenating really.
12 year old son: "Did you know Venus is the hottest planet in the solar system?"
Me: "Did you know Venus is the only planet whose name rhymes with 'penis'?"
The best part was my wife and kids trying to stifle their embarrassed laughter around the museum visitors. :)
They can't afford new ones.
Wife: "Look, they used to treat pain with willow bark".
Me: "I'll give that one 3 stars".
Wife: "This one is about the invention of antibiotics".
Me: "I'll give it 8 out of 10".
Wife: "Apparently, they used give people cowpox to protect them from smallpox".
Me: "Definitely 2 thumbs up".
Wife: "Why do you keep doing that?".
Me: "I'm the curator of this museum"!
"They must cost a lot of Monet!"
...they must have received a Cézanne desist
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡We went to a science museum today and there was the a dinosaur exhibit where the fossils came from Antarctica. Of course there is a map of the continents.
I turn to my kid: "Why is Pangaea called the Super Continent? It was bit by a radioactive continent!"
Next week the museum I work at begins a three-week run of what we call Bubblefest. There will be bubbles everywhere, a bubble laser show, all kinds of exhibits and interactive shows explaining some of the science involved with bubbles. So I need some jokes and puns to replace the old standby of "my pop is bigger than your pop!"
So we were going to see an Impressionist exhibit at the art museum and my friend, in her best Jerry Maguire voice, goes "Show me the Monet!"
(I know I just posted something a little while ago, but I just found this subreddit today and thought of another good dad story)
As a child I had an immense fear of bees. So, one day my dad and I were at the Museum of Science in Boston together checking out the exhibits. In one room there was a huge (actual) beehive encased in glass with hundreds of bees inside. Attached to the glass was a plastic speaker thing so you could put your ear against it and hear all the buzzing. So I mustered up some courage and gave it a go. As I was getting a good listen, my dad went "bzzzzZzzzzz" and tickled my ear with his finger. I freaked the fuck out, and swatted furiously all over the place. I cried, and was all mopey and pouty for the rest of the day.
In hindsight, I realize that that was an opportunity that just had to be seized.
My girlfriend and I were at a NASA exhibit at the National Museum of the US Airforce.
The NASA exhibit had a long ramp to the top of the exhibit.
Dad with Daughter -- "Gee, can you believe they got a ramp up in space like this?"
Daughter -- sigh "Daaaad!"
My parents visited me last weekend. Short on ideas, we decided to hit up a widely-respected art museum. They had some new exhibitions, some of which were a little outside our personal tastes and expectations.
We walked into a photography exhibit and saw, along one wall, a sheet of green. This sheet of green was a little higher and taller than the average door, and stretched all the way down that bit of wall plus a few feet onto the floor.
"Oh," I said, "a green screen. That's kind of a neat little thing to have here. Sort of an homage to that style of film, I guess?"
Little did I know. In hindsight, I don't know why I expected anything different.
My father and I approached the plaque beside it. There we learned the truth: This was not a green screen. No. No, this was a specially printed photograph.
A photograph... of a green screen.
There we stood, astonished at the audacity of the thing before us. "My God," I said aloud, "This, right here, this is something else. This is just plain genius. Can you imagine getting money for something like this? Why didn't we come up with this? This is gold!"
To which my dad simply responded, "No, son...
... it's green."
Took the kids to a bug museum this weekend and was walking behind this other dad and his kids for a good bit of the time. When we get to the leaf cutter ant exhibit, my three year old loudly says something to the effect, "Look at all those ants!". The dad turns around and says, smugly, "How do you know they aren't uncles?" My kids groan, his kids groan, all in a dad's work, right? Then his daughter, who was probably 8 or 9, pipes up, "Well, Dad, since they're all female, it's safe to say that are, in fact, aunts!"
Her timing was impeccable. She's going places.
