Metaphorically Puns

It should be a metaphor for constipation

Metaphors be with you.

Get it? Met-a-four?

I asked, is it like a metafive but not as good?

Got a laugh from the teacher and a groan from my kids. Mission complete!

Update: my wife just read the post and I started giggling and said 'I make myself laugh', my seven year old piped up 'you don't make other people laugh'

I'm so proud of myself

She wines so much!

I never metaphor I didn't like.

Holger was sawing wood in his backyard when he was approached by a salesman who said, “You know, you could be sawing twice as much wood if you got an electric saw.”

“Dat may be so,” said Holger, “but I don’t need twice as much wood.”

I told him ‘metaphors are shit’

They always take things, literally.

Tropecal!

Cows and sheep Mostly.

They used a metaphor because it is a literary device.

While I was putting away the lawnmower right as the sun was setting.

"Daddy, good thing you mowed fast, or it would be dark!"

"That's right honey, I never could have finished if I moved in slow-mow"

My wife threw a tomato at me from the garden.

The setup: Yesterday morning as I left for work I busted our 16yo son sneaking a girl in to the house. Since I had to get to work I just took all of his electronics. Later in the evening I had a long honest talk with him. Explaining (once again) that I know he's going to fool around but he can't be doing it while his siblings are home alone with him.

I finished the conversation with him by asking if I should get him a condom supply. He responded by telling me that he had only been to second base and that there was time yet.

So I went to bed where my wife asked how it went. After filling her in I ended by letting her know that our son had been to 2nd base.

She replied, "Why would you tell me that?!"

I looked her dead in the eyes and replied "Just wanted to keep you abreast of the situation."

She smacked me.

He didn't want his metaphors to be taken literally.

He said, "Dad, what if I like cows AND bulls?" The father replied, "It's okay, I do too. We're bi, son." A dad joke, metaphorically and literally.

Almost 10 years ago now when my daughter’s mom was pregnant with her—waddling miserably towards the tail-end of her third trimester and about ready to pop—she looked forlornly at her figure in the mirror one day and announced, “Omigod I’m as big as a house!”

And so I, the Rico Suave motherfucker that I am, popped my head up from the book I was reading on the bed and responded thusly without missing a beat:

“Well, baby girl, if you’re a house then you’re my dream home...”

I thought our relationship was my rock on which we would build one hundred stories, but there were termites in the foundation. Unfortunately she ultimately turned out to be a mobile home that couldn’t stay tethered to a single lot for more than a few years at a time as, a short time later, she up-and-skedaddled from our lives and has been a deadbeat mom to our little girl ever since. (My daughter and I built a beautiful, cozy little bungalow-for-two anyways.)

Anyway, does that qualify as a pun, or just an extended metaphor? If not, sorry, I just always thought that was a good line and I wanted to humble-brag a bit.

Dad: Hey son, whats a metaphor? Me: It compares two... Dad: COWS TO GRAZE IN!

It went way better than the time I metaphor.

My daughter asks, "Dad, can you give me a sentence with a metaphor in it."

"I went to the singles club hoping to find a hot chick, but I metaphor."

I metaphor.

Daughter (exasperated): Dad, it's a metaphor. Me (excited): Ooo. I never met a four. Are they like threes? Daughter: Yeah, just a little bigger.