You hear about the dude that drank so many margs he almost died?

Tried tequil himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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When I told my mate I was going deaf, he asked, β€œwhat are the symptoms?”

I said, β€œthey’re a yellow cartoon family with Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheifsup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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Post was on a picture of the Simpsons where there was a flashback between Homer and Marge taking care of Bart and Lisa but theres a picture of Maggie in the background before she was born
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nameisnoman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He asked, β€œCan you describe the symptoms?” I replied, "Sure..."

β€œThey’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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You coud say Marge's out of frame
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFense
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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So if Marge and Homer Simpson are doing the dirty-do..

Does that make Marge a homer-sexual?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/asongbirdsings
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2015
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My friend Margaret said she once fell into a large vat of detergent at the factory she worked...

She was Marge in All.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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He's a dad too. He chuckled.

Co-worker was telling me about his experience through the storms this weekend and how high winds blew his tomatoes down even though they were staked up.

Me: So, what you're telling me is you got caught with your plants down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobarhino
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
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What do printers put on their toast?

Paper jam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SadderHoshi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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The best joke my dad ever told

My dad is really proud of this one. It's the only joke he's ever told that's been funny enough to make somebody laugh so hard that they spit out of their nose. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for this joke, so let me give you some context first:

He's been in a motorcycle accident (hit and run by an illegal immigrant), and had to have most of his vertebrae fused. They use titanium rods to hold your back from bending, so as you can imagine its kind of a major operation. His doctor prescribed a year (or longer if needed) of massage therapy, which he was thankful for. Twice a week he went in to a small clinic for a few hours at a time, and usually had the same masseuse. Let's call her Marge.

After four months of therapy they of course got to know each other very well. He was always faithful to my mother, but he was good friends with Marge. Their conversations range all the way from baseball to differentials, and everything stays platonic.

Here's where the story begins:

During a massage, they are having an energetic conversation, the time comes where he turns onto his back so that she can get to his knee ligaments (chainsawed his kneecap a few years prior, doc said may as well get there too). She goes at it like normal, and the conversation continues. Now here comes the part that made my dad wait to tell me this until recently: The "stimulation" in his knee for some reason, on that day out of all others, triggered a reflexive erection. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

The conversation goes quiet. Marge notices, but doesn't say a word. She remains professional. She continues working. My dad is more embarrassed than he's ever been. Several minutes of silence pass, and my dad cant take it anymore.

"Marge," he says, "I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room."

He raises his head to look down the table at her. He glances at it, then back to her. With a slight shake of his head he says:

"Wait nevermind, it's only his trunk"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DONT_PM_MEH_PLEES
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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Dad ripped this one out last night

Talking about how much food we are giving my sister to take back to university with her.

"Paige you are so spoiled" Dad: "Shes not spoiled she smells just like everyone else."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bushmaster69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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Me: Doc, I have hearing problems

Doc: Could you describe the symptoms?
Me: Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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-Doc, I have hearing problems

-Could you describe the symptoms?

-Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Potato23860
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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Went to my doctor and said I was having trouble with my hearing.

He asked: β€œcan you describe the symptoms?” I said: β€œsure, they’re yellow. Marge has blue hair and Homer’s really fat”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Advaldinho
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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I went to the doctor because I was having hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms ?", he asked.

I said "Homer's a fat guy and Marge has blue hair"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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I went to the Doctor with hearing problems. He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Homer’s a fat dude, and Marge has blue hair"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leeuwe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing…

He said, β€œCan you describe the symptoms?”

I said, β€œThey’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2017
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I went to the doctors with hearing problems.

He said β€œCan u describe the symptoms?”

I said β€œHomer's a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SemolinaPilchards
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2016
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