Why was the Headless Horseman never invited to business parties?
π Because he couldnβt get a-head in life.
What did the eye say to the other eye?
π Eye see you.
Why didnβt the right-handed man ask the other man if he was alright?
ππ» The other man was left-handed.
Why is the letter U upset about televison?
πΊ Because U isnβt included in it.
How come the letter Y hates asking questions?
βThe response is always, βY, you ask?β
Why did the horse become a comedian?
π΄ He was very fun-neigh.
Why did Mrs. Banana leave Mr. Banana?
π They had a split.
What do you get when you cross a doctor and a lemon?
π Lemon-aid.
Why do the spices argue a lot?
π§ Because theyβre salty.
Why did the noodle have to go to bed?
π It was pasta-his bed time.
What did Mr. Volcano say to Mrs. Volcano?
π I lava you.
Why do the gardening tools hate Stacy?
πͺ΄ Stacyβs a hoe.
Why are you beautiful?
πBecause βBe youβ is in the word itself.
The last one is more heartwarming than funny, but I thought itβd be included.
Why do they put fences around cemeteryβs? Because people are dying to get in.
I told my daughters this joke years ago and told them it was from my dad. I want a joke that I can make at his funeral to my children in his honor. Can you help me out?
Receding airlines.
It was full of holes.
The Doc looks at him and says I know whatβs wrong with you, youβre two tents!
Because you probably have Redd-it already.
I just crashed my electric Nissan I just bought
They might be roe bots.
Itβll be called βHakuna Frittataβ
That earned some heavy eye-rolls at dinner last night.
It bothers me on so many levels.
Guess Iβm not a mourning person
The rest are definitely goimg to call ne a nomster.
Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.
It will be really hard to find.
I prefer it to be still.
The writing is on the wall.
I said, βOkay, could you give me the one my wife made?β
Me: great idea we can cover more ground that way!
Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Lawyer: So whereβs my present?
So I can tell people I play a little guitar
Itβs called βTanks for Nothingβ
Itβs about raisin awareness
When I go to the bathroom, itβs a symphony of destruction.
She replied, βreally? U look more like an average-sized human to meβ¦β
Iβm trailing in second place, but thereβs still time to ketchup
But my wife is an ovary act.
I hate that damn priest
For quacking jokes
EDIT: this joke did wayyy better than I expected lol. Thank you all for the words of encouragement, awards, and corny jokes to follow up! Iβm excited to make my family cringe for years to come
It must be an a-choir-ed taste.
Iβll be the first to admit it.
Itβs my 30-second birthday.
Iβm going to call it Contengen C
Itβll be called βSnitches Get Stitchesβ.
Iβll call it my oughtabiography.
Theyβre so full of themselves.
βIf youβre a talking tree, then you should die a log.β
Itβs for arch rival purposes.
I said Iβm two tired.
Me: βThese are bamboo? Thought they were plastic. Bamboozled once again.β
She was not a fan
βWatford sir, near London.β
