A list of puns related to "Lying Down"
Adam
Dad: Hey, that cow looks tired. Maybe she just gave birth.
Literally no one:
Dad: because if she did she'd be... decalfinated
(rewrite of an annoyingly long post I made yesterday)
Edited for clarity
Intrigued, the man decided to warn the person and said "hey, you have a banana shoved in your ear".
The person replied "what?"
> "You have a banana shoved in your ear!"
> "WHAT??"
> "YOU HAVE A BANANA SHOVED IN YOUR EAR!!"
> "SIR PLEASE SPEAK LOUDER I CAN'T HEAR YOU 'CAUSE I HAVE A BANANA SHOVED IN MY EAR!.
The man says, βItβs not a lion itβs a giraffeβ
. . . and then it struck me.
He got tired.
Their aim is less prone to error.
*edited for grammer
I replied, "Their legs must get really tired during a drought."
...and all I could think was, "This is soda-pressing."
Because it was two-tyred.
Because it was two tiredπ€£
βOh, he will, sweetheart, he will.β
Yeah, heβs all quacked out right now.
They're calling it a pay lay
I shouldnβt have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
Iβm β¦.not going to stand for it.
Does he call himself Lil Uzi Horizont?
Guess I must be a heavy sleeper
That's just how I roll
Because Tarzan said "damnit".
I guess you could say I have people counting on me.
I'm nap-kin.
I'm drawing a plank.
They may be entitled to condensation
I know it is hard to believe me but I saw it with my own two eyes.
She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up.
I posted maybe a month ago and wanted to give you all an update on how the wedding went!
My absolutely stunning bride walked down the isle to "The Throne Room" song from A New Hope where Princess Leia gives the medals to Han and Luke.
My vows were:
"You are the love of my life. Ever since you walked into my life about 2.5 years ago, you have made literally every part of my life better and more beautiful, you have filled my life with a lot of laughter and love. You have this amazing indefinable quality to you that makes you so amazing and the perfect woman for me. I love you with all of my heart.
Even when we are apart for only a few hours, we tell each other how much we miss each other. Well today, I misses you.
I vow that I will always be there for you, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, but letβs make it richer, we are the Richardsons
I vow that I will do my best to keep you laughing, smiling and happy for the rest of our lives.
I vow that I will never give you up, I will never let you down, I will never run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
I vow I will love you with all of the love, for all of my days."
It was a beautiful evening, with lots of laughs, plenty of serious heartfelt moments and lots of happiness! My wife and I could not be happier and it was perfect! I hope you all had a good day, I sure did!
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they got together to discuss their experiences. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from my Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I grabbed my holy water bottle, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb! The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, '"WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle holy water! I went out and I FOUND a bear. And then I began to read to the bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down the hill until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!"
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in bed in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
I can tell when theyβre standing too.
Inflation
How did you sleep?
"Lying down"
When it's lying down on the job
β
The other day at dinner I got in an argument with my son. The wife tried to intervene and once it settled down she asked him, hoping for an apology, "have you got anything you'd like to say?" Without missing a beat he said "yeah, I wish my dad would drop dead!" I won't lie it did hurt but not nearly as much as hearing the news that the mail man had suddenly died.
My favourite 'dad joke' is purposefully misunderstanding the kids and watching their disbelief as they try and reword things so even an idiot can understand. We have a family app so they need permission to download some apps onto their devices (because we are "controlling" π).
So every now and then this will happen:
Child : Can I get an app?
Me : sure, if you're tired just go and lie down.
Child: no, an APP
Me: yes, lie DOWN
Child: No, I need an... I want a...I just want...an app.
Me: or an early night?
Child: weary sigh
Me: you do look tired
That was a short version. If it didn't make sense, read it aloud.
The kids will put me in a home at the first opportunity.
I wonβt take this lying down.
Lying, stealing etc and thinks they are going to hell. The dev gets to the pearly gates and is met by St Peter...... and their worst fears are confirmed when St Peter pulls out 10 books, all labelled with the devs name.
St Peter says "these books are a record of all the sins you have committed. Do you have anything to say in your defence?"
The dev looks down at their feet and says " I did try to be good"
St Peter says "it's ok, you can come in. You've already paid in syntax"
βOh, he will, sweetheart, he will.β
I shouldnβt have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I shouldnβt have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I shouldnβt have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I shouldnβt have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.