A Canadian visits America and gets held at gunpoint, the thief says, "Give me all your money and I'll let you live!"

The Canadian replied gleefully, "Oh! You must be what they call a doctor!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfPacific
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2022
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I live with a bunch of loonies

Roommate is eating some tortilla chips called "Santitas"

Me: Oh, sanitary chips, that's some clean eating

Roommate: No, they're sanitarium chips.

Me: In that case, they must be crazy good

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Norsbane
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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Did you hear that they're not making One Dollar bills any longer?

They're not making them any shorter either.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/v4por
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2022
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I went to a fancy restaurant and ordered giant duck last night

The bill was huge

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dee-R-Gee
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2022
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My 5 y.o. kid is so cute when we're play fighting and he keeps shouting "I'm invincible!"

The look of disappointment is heart breaking when I tell him that I can actually see him.

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πŸ“…︎ May 28 2022
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I often worry about German sausages

Basically I fear the wurst.

Edit: thanks for my first award ya loonies ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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how much does a roof cost ?

nothing - it’s on the house

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πŸ‘€︎ u/romnewz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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What will a robber say to you when you're getting robbed in Canada?

Gimme all your loonie toonies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LynxOfLords
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2021
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A bilingual joke

What did the Spanish speaker say when asked who is favorite Loony Toon's character is?

Por Que.
(porky)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/davenfonet
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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I broke up with my girlfriend because she is obsessed with North American aquatic birds that resemble large ducks when swimming...

She's too loony!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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This is just a list of 50 famous people but if they were birds.
  • George Washwington
  • Leonarcrow da Vinci
  • Eagle Allen Poe
  • Harry S. Toucan
  • Teddy Dodosevelt
  • Charles Duckens
  • Octavian Owlgustus
  • Flysaac Newton
  • Benchicken Franklin
  • Gullysses S. Grant
  • Vincent Van Goose
  • John Lhawk
  • Charlecrane
  • Pengthoven
  • Nikquaila Tesla
  • Jean-Jacques Roostsseau
  • Charles Darwren
  • Rheasus Christ
  • Broodha
  • King Loony XIV
  • Nenepoleon Bonaparte
  • Mahootma Gandhi
  • Winstint Churchill
  • Genghis Swan
  • Pladove
  • Aleggsander the Great
  • Paul the Apostail
  • Lark Twain
  • Dante Aliturkey
  • Michelangswallow
  • Cardinal Marx
  • Albatross Lincoln
  • Robin E. Lee
  • Adolf Swiftler
  • Alextanager Hamilton
  • Ibis Presley
  • Ronald Raven
  • Arnestotle
  • Emuhammad
  • Sir Francis Beakon
  • Tchaikovskylark
  • Christfowler Columbus
  • Finchard Nixon
  • Henry VIII
  • Albert Einstork
  • Thomas Jayfferson
  • William Shrikespeare
  • Woodcock Wilson
  • King Chorioles I of England
  • Johann Sebastian Flock

Edit: formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/captbodgers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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What do Canadians call their Dollar Stores?

Loonie Bins!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zortor
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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When Canadian cultural icons like Justin Bieber and Drake rap about money....

are the songs called Loonie Tunes?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sharksizzle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2016
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