Lochailort Puns

Weather (Powered by Dark Sky)

Light rain throughout the day.

Around 4 to 9 degrees.

Travel

Delays to services between Queen Street and Mallaig

Due to a speed restriction because of heavy rain between Glenfinnan and Lochailort disruption is expected until the end of the day.

Train services between Queen Street and Mallaig may be delayed by up to 20 minutes.

Option 1 - Check if a rail journey is currently possible..

• Use the National Rail Enquiries real-time journey planner to check if you can continue your journey by rail.

Option 2 - Alternative Routes & Local Public Transport..

• If you have had to drive to another station your ticket will be valid to collect your car on your return journey. Speak to a member of staff to validate your ticket.

• Currently, we have not arranged for your rail tickets to be accepted on local bus routes as yet. We will monitor this situation as the incident develops.

Option 3 - Rail Replacement Transport..

*Currently, we have not requested Rail Replacement Transport. We will monitor this situation as the incident develops.

Option 4 - Consider travelling later..

*You might wish to consider postponing your journey until our services return to normal.

• Due to a speed restriction between Glenfinnan and Lochailort due to heavy rain, services may be subject to delays up to 20 minutes.

Let us help you:Please let us try and help you if you are being disrupted. At the station or on-train:* Speak to a member of staff or use the Help-point (station only).* Listen for announcements.* Information will be displayed on Customer Information Screens.Keep up to date or get in touch on your phone:Twitter: Live updates @ScotRail.WhatsApp: Contact us on WhatsApp.App: Live updates on our app. Phone: Contact Customer Relations.

Delays to services at Queen Street

Following a fault with the signalling system earlier today at Queen Street the line towards Glasgow is disrupted.

Train services running to and from this station are returning to normal. Disruption is expected until 21:00 14/12.

• We had a signal fault in the Cowlairs area, outside Queen St earlier. The fault has now been rectified.

• Services are now returning to run as scheduled.

Today in Scottish History

14 December 1861: The death of Queen Victoria's Consort, Prince Albert.

/r/GlasgowMarket Digest

[Free Ocean Colour Scene tickets x 2](/r/glasgowmarket/comments/rg6ypv/free_ocean_colour_scene_tickets

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Buenosdillas

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Bob

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Just to clarify, 12345678

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.