Laneing Puns

Because they’re driven by under-takers.

Cop," Where's your passenger?"

Me, "Due to Social Distancing, he's in the car right behind me."

Because his name was "Robert"

I've since been banned from the swimming club.

It was a super bowl!

The one you’re not in!

( written by my dad , late 90s)

Driving home after a long week and had been driving for five hours or so on two lane roads through NM and AZ. Hour south of Petrified Forest and see four sheep on the side of the road.

Me: Son see those sheep? There must be a break in the fence and they are wandering away from their ranch.

Son: Well, that sounds baaaad.

An old friend of mine decided one day that he would have a go a keeping chickens. So he bought a hen house and his first chicken along with very handsome Cockerell Three weeks later his chicken had laid a clutch of eggs and the old hatched out successfully but one little chick just kept growing and growing. He took it to the vet who assured him that although rare for that particular breed there was nothing to worry about After two years this chicken was five foot nine and weighed in at ten stone three pounds. So my mate had what he thought was a brilliant idea. He hitched the chicken to the front of his car and decided he would train the chicken to pull him in the car. This went on for about a month and my mate had saved a fortune in petrol costs. Then one day as he was travelling to work the hitching rope snapped and the chicken was away up the motorway never to be seen again. My mate was distraught and stuck in the middle lane. The police eventually came out and said "What's the problem Sir?". My mate, by now in floods of tears because of his loss said "My big hens gone!"

Carpool tunnel

Lowest Lane

Found this on Twitter:

My pal, driving in fog, got pulled over. Cop says “What do we do when we encounter Mr Fog?”. My pal thinks “better humour him” so says “ We turn Mr Steering Wheel towards Mr Slow lane”. Cop says “No Sir, I said “What do we do when we encounter MIST OR FOG !”

There was no eggs-press lane!

I guess it's my own fault for using the self service checkout lane.

I must have carpool-tunnels syndrome

That was a trip down memory lane.

Asshole. He should have seen the back of mine.

Thank god I was dragged out by the Smiths.

Turns out he was a shit driver..

Hopefully it comes out alive.

Me: confused that we aren't heading home Where are we going?

Dad: keeps staring straight ahead with a blank face Left....

Because it's a cyclepath.

but they keep ending up in the gutter.

My dad said he must have gone to Tulane university

Me: Yea dad really aids us in our endeavor

....you're in the wrong lane.

I said, "Technically, they're all outside lanes."

I'm afraid of carpool tunnel

I replied "Yeah, they're looking pretty fourmidable."

He invited Lois Lane to visit. Her plane was late, and she called the house to ask directions. He answered and told her:

"Take the last train to Clark's villa, and I'll meet you at the station."

I told my wife "That sign must be wrong. There are still 4 lanes."

I said that can't be right because he still doesn't have any body with him.

"Ma'am, do you want this in your cart, or do you want us to baguette?"

They are usually ahead of me in the express lane at the grocery store.

...if you turn around.

Me: "No, you're in the left lane." Her: side eye

I comment to my wife: that's odd.

Wife: (groan)

Me: at least it's accurate, there are three lanes.

Wife: please stop.

Me: right now I can't. It's dangerous with these odd lanes.

Calamity Lane.

Found this gem on Twitter:

My pal, driving in fog, got pulled over. Cop says “What do we do when we encounter Mr Fog?”. My pal thinks “better humour him” so says “ We turn Mr Steering Wheel towards Mr Slow lane”. Cop says “No Sir, I said “What do we do when we encounter MIST OR FOG !”

That was a trip down memory lane.

you're probably in the wrong lane.