I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
It was our last warming.
He opens the door and tells him “Namaste”.
Because every time he walked into a pub the landlord would shout, "you're bard"
Tenants.
Tenants
I wonder if he has a complex.
I guess he’s got a sound argument.
To the evictor go the spoils.
Because they're not tenants
[via text message]
Me: The new fridge is in, and we're good to go! Thanks!
Landlord: Cool (get it????)
I guess I chose the lessor of two evils.
Ten ants
You can say our relationship went from feuding to feudal.
Because they're lo mein tenants.
Friends dad: "How is she doing that? How is she going to make the front of the building the back?"
While fixing a hose at my house, the landlord said, "In order to keep water from running on the wall, you need a shower curtain on the back to...CURTail any leakage."
We both mentally high fived each other, as his wife rolled her eyes.
Ninja Edit: We have an old style tub.
"I got a new toilet topper for you guys so you can put your shit in it!" "I usually just put my shit in the toilet!" Let's just say we got off on the right foot. Then the left. Also should add im 18 years old and this surprised my two best friends at the landlady.
Landlord: Unfortunately, stairs don’t talk.
Landlord: Yeah, he's Indonesian.
Me: That's cool, I'm more IndoJapanese.
(whoosh)
Landlord: Do you know why he named his son 'Timmy'?
Me: No, why?
Landlord: He said he had a dream.
Me: Then he should have named him Martin.
Landlord: Why are you laughing like that?
A landlord.
Me: Ugh, I'm bored.
Landlord: Nice to meet you bored, I'm Landlord.
Me: groan
Our cat at our small business killed a bird and left it in the floor. My dad grabbed it and tossed it out the front door onto the parking lot. I then asked him to toss it over the fence into our landlords unkempt field. The following text convo happened several hours later.
http://i.imgur.com/uOLsC46.jpg
I left it beside the shed in the alley. The next morning it was soaked, and super deep with water. I would have just poured it out, but I'm in an apartment and the landlord would get mad; no good place to pour it out. So my buddy gave me this instructional video, and it really helped out. My wagon's dry as a steel owl now thanks to this video. I highly recommend it. It's called "How to Drain Your Wagon".
a boa constructor
https://imgur.com/gallery/xq6M2
Says to the landlord "A pint of bitter please". Gets his beer & says "I shouldn't be having this with wot I've got". Landlord says "wots that then?" Man says "15p"!
My wife was telling our group a story of how she and her flat-mates got screwed by their landlords (property managers, not the property owners) in England. Right before they were due to refund everyone's security deposits, they took all the money, closed the business, and buggered off to Egypt. I asked her if they set up a multilevel marketing campaign.
You know... a Pyramid Scheme?
Funniest horse puns and jokes
A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: “Hey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: “What, George?”
A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. “Evenin’” says the barman, “why the long face?”
A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: “Wait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: “This alright?” The barman says: “Hmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”
A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: “I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” “Why, what have you got?” “About £2 and a carrot.”
Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours
A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. “Will I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: “Of course you will, and you’ll probably win!”
Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!
A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.
“I’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. “We don’t serve spirits..
A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”
Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.
What did the horse say when it fell? “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.
Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!
What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?
What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo
... keep reading on reddit ➡So my girlfriend's dad's company was being sued by their landlord, and he had to go to Men's Wearhouse to get a suit for court. When my girlfriend told me this, I turned to her and said:
"I guess you could say your dad's getting his lawsuit on."
Yeah, kind of one of my proudest moments.
So my dad was talking to an acquaintance of ours, who is a landlord. My dad's acquaintance said he went in to check on one of his tenants and found him dead in his Lay-Z-Boy watching TV, remote still in hand and T.V still running. My dad's response on hearing this bit of news "Welp, I bet he wasn't watching the Life Channel"
I told him, "My door is always open".
I told him, 'My door is always open!'
I said, “Sure. My door is always open.”
I said, “Sure. My door is always open.”
Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.
I wonder if he has a complex.
... I guess I must be their landlord and they my tenants.
And I saw a group of 10 ants just running frantically, I felt bad for them so I made a house out of a cardboard box. This technically makes me their landlord and they are my...
Tenants
So, I was in my room and I saw a group of 10 ants just running frantically. I felt bad, so I made a small house for them out of a cardboard box. This technically makes me their landlord and they are my...
Tenants.
I felt bad, so I made a small house for them out of a cardboard box. This technically makes me their landlord and they are my Tenants.
