To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
Pun walks into a room with 10 people and kills them all.
How do you kill a BLUE elephant?
Shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun.
How do you kill a PINK elephant?
.
.
.
.
Hold it's nose until it turns blue then shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun.
It turns out the capitol rioter did NOT accidentally kill himself with a taser to the balls and the story was just made up to disrespect him...
I don't think anyone is shocked.
(Source: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/capitol-riot-taser-death)
What’s it called when you kill chickpeas?
Sometimes John Wick likes to kill quietly.
How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Stark’s parents?
Whats the last thing a serial killer hears before he kills his next victim
Let's go kill time!
Daughter: Dad im gonna call 911.
Me: why?
Daughter: Youre going to Kill time.
My wife said there was a large fly buzzing around our bedroom and told me to go kill it. I rolled my eyes and said she should call 911. She asked why.
I responded: So they can send the swat team.
(True story) My GF asked me to kill a spider in the bathroom today.
It was so small that I couldn't even see it at first. She had to point it out, a tiny brown pinhead crawling up our slightly-darker-brown cabinet about knee-high.
"How did you even see that?" I asked.
And she answered, "With my spider-sense."
I love this woman so, so much.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Except for a grizzly bear. That always kills you.
How do you call when a person kills his best friend?
What's it called when you kill a friend?
Why did Beethoven kill all of his chickens?
They were going, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
I went back in time to kill the person that made bread.
Now he yeasts to exist.
One I came up with myself
How do you "kill the lights"?
You hang them from the ceiling
What’s yellow and kills you if you get it in the eyes?
My wife screamed in pain during labour so I asked, "What's wrong?". She screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry, honey." I replied. "What is wrong?"
My friend said he wanted to bang his mom and kill his dad.
I told him that was some freudulent thinking.
How do you kill a circus?
Just kill and don’t go vegan
What's the best way to kill a circus?
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because they kept saying: Baaach Bach Bach Bach Bach baaaaach
What do you call an assassin that only kills anime lovers?
Why did the socialist kill all the average workers at his factory?
He wanted to cease the means of production
What’s got two butts and kills people?
The other night I tried to kill a vampire with a really big pointy stick, but my aim was terrible.
It was a giant missed stake.
You know, it seems like every time I kill a gnat, another one appears.
So, I guess you could say they're appearing at the drop of a gnat.
If guns don't kill people, people kill people...
That means that toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast
I hate when spiders kill flies, they’re such buzz killers
What doesn’t kill you makes you.....
What is the name of the assassin that only kills candles?
What's green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree
What's green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree on you, it will kill you?
A pun walks into a bar and kills ten people.
What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.
The process is a little painstaking.
Whats green has 6 legs and if it fell out of a tree on top of you it would kill you.
What’s big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and will kill you if it falls on you out of a tree?
What’s big, white, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
What’s green, fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree on to your head?
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