If James Hetfield officiated a wedding between Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.....

He would be the Pastor of Muppets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/proweld7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral?

Nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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How do you know Kermit didn't have asthma?

Because it's not wheezy being green.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Kermit is having a bad day.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goatcheese1230
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?

Their middle name

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pengoobanana
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our amphibious friend.

"What's this?"

"It's a Hummel."

"A what?"

"A Hummel. They're supposed to be quite valuable. Well, at least this one is to me."

She picked up the Hummel and stood up.

"If you don't mind, I would like to show this to the manager."

"Oh, no! I don't mind at all!"

So, Patricia took the Hummel to the manager's office, knocked on the door, and walked inside.

"Patricia! What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Wilson, there's this... frog named Kermit at my desk, and he wants to borrow $10,000, but he has only this for collateral."

Mr. Wilson looked at the Hummel, then out to her desk.

"I don't see anything out of order here."

"But, Mr. Wilson--"

"Look, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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What do Kermit the Frog, John the Baptist and Vlad the Impaler have in common?

Same Middle Name

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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I remember the first time I saw Kermit the Frog on Broadway...

Such a ribbit-ing performance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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What is kermit the Frog's excuse for not recycling?

"It's not easy being green"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoochthemoon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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So a rabbi, a priest, and Kermit the frog all walk into a bar

The bartender looks at them and says, β€œwhat is this a joke?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/realswagmb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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Kermit Crabs
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumbs0fDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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You might be upset but you'll never be quite as upset as Kermit the frog when his car was impounded.

He was hopping mad about getting toad!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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Adolf Kermit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FenderRoy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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Kermit The Frog was struggling with addiction

He was struggling with crack-croakain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DuctapeCat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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Kermit the frog went to the bank to get a mortgage for a new lilypad. He walked up to the desk of loan officer Patricia Whack and placed a small porcelain statue of an angel on her desk asking if she would take it as collateral. "What is that?" she asked...

It's a knick knack, patty whack. Give a frog a loan?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/curmudge_john
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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I didn’t know Kermit the frog was depressed

Someone check on him he might Kermit suicide

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πŸ‘€︎ u/not_brayden13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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How would Kermit and Ms Piggy get married?

Pastor of Muppets, pulling the strings...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PowerRaptor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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What happened when Kermit's car broke down?

It got toad away...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2016
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I went to a beach themed party wearing green and passed it off as a Kermit crab costume.

True story

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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2015
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So kermit the frog walks into a bank...

He walks up to the teller. Her nametag says "Patricia Wak". He says, "Hey there, Patty, I'd like a loan." She replies, "Okay, for how much?"

"Ten dollars."

"I'm sorry, but I can't authorize that."

"Really? Well, what if I give you this?"

He hands her a clam with a top hat and googly eyes.

"Um... What is this?"

"Alright, alright. What if I told you my dad was Mick Jagger?"

"I can't give you a 10 dollar loan, it's simply against policy."

"Alright, I'll tell you what. Go talk to your manager, and bring the clam with you. He'll let you give me a loan."

Patricia walks into the back office and tells the manager the story. He immediately says "Alright, give him the loan."

"I'm sorry, but why this time?"

"Well (picking up the clam), it's mainly because of this, and also because of his dad."

"What is it exactly?"

"It's a knick knack, Patty Wak, give the frog a loan! His old man's a rolling stone!"

My dad's favourite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hylandw
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
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I met Kermit the frog and asked him about his ancestry.

He said he was a tadpolish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/screenwblues
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2015
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What does Henry the Eighth and Kermit the Frog have in common?

The same middle name.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sventhedropbear
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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What do Kermit the Frog and Attila the Hun have in common?

They have the same middle name!

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πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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What do Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great have in common?

They have the same middle name

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unicycleguy06
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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What do Kermit the Frog and Attila the Hun have in common?

They both have the same middle name.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shirking_Studios
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?

The same middle name.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SSTralala
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the VIII have in common?

They both have the same middle name.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
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What did Kermit say when Jim Henson died?

Nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustJosh724
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
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