Almost 40 and growing my beard out for the first time. Wife finally says "You know I'm starting to like it." And I could finally say "Yeah. It's growing on me."
(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)
It was pretty em-bare-ass-ing.
Edit: May or may not be based on real events.
But she said I was too boar-ing.
...they will be subma-weiners.
It's very insuleighting.
Knot gonna lie I think he was mach-ing me.
So, I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner the other day. It was just gathering dust!
What kind of bagel can fly? A plane one!
I went to a graveyard the other day, it was really crowded. I figure people are dying to get in.
Didja hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the no-bell prize!
What do you call a pointless pachyderm? An Irrelepahnt!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
Ever hear about the restaurant on the moon? No atmosphere at all.
And to end it all: "I bet if I gave you some thyme you could mustard a response to this complete a-salt on language, but for now we're just beefing around!"
It will be my Civic duty.
Theyβre cornfidential
Root-ing two-ting
Because itβs all ears!
βIβve gotta take a dump-a dump dump!β
Because they got tired of queuing and moved on
His act is a-maize-ing
It really pops
Because they're all bent
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
With a batter-ing ram to do it all at once, or you can chocolate chip away at it for a long time.
She said I was just corny.
Because theyβre so boaring
I had to go to court and was wearing a suit and tie. My 10 year old daughter thought this was fantastic for dress up was very interested. I took this as a teachable moment and wanted to tell her about showing respect for your personal appearance and showing up professionally. So I asked her, do you know why I dressed like this? She said to be professional. I said I want to show that I respect myself and I have respect for the court so I dressed accordingly. She laughed and said, "You mean you dressed acourtingly."
tl;dr
Daughter dad joked me about wearing a suit about dressing accourtingly
Its bird-gin-ing research.
I said βIs that a fretβ
But the spoilers ruined it for me.
It was an a-maize-ing experience
