Every morning, I wake up to find someone has dumped a box of play doh in front of my door.
I donβt know what to make of it.
π︎ 72
π
︎ Sep 07 2020
There was a locked metal box at an auction. The auctioneer said it was from the 1920βs and owned by really wealthy man. There couldβve been some really valuable stuff in it or it could just be empty. I didnβt want to bid anymore than $100 on it.
I thought it was a safe bet.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Sep 07 2020
I just got sent a severed penis in a box with no address
Guess it was an anonymous tip
π︎ 9
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︎ Aug 14 2020
I made a small house with a cardboard box for the group of 10 ants running around in my room. Technically, I am now their landlord and they are my...
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
People think just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, I should walk around carrying a big old boom box on my shoulder.
But I refuse to go with that stereotype.
π︎ 15
π
︎ May 21 2020
What do you call a bunch of ducks in a box?
π︎ 3
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︎ May 31 2020
My son asked why I keep a box of matches in the fridge
I told him it's for when I want to have a light snack
π︎ 13
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︎ Feb 24 2020
Awhile ago my roomate moved out, i was cleaning his old room when I stumbled upon a fake mustache in a box under his bed, when i asked him about it he replied:
βYou finally found it, my secret stacheβ
π︎ 60
π
︎ Jan 03 2020
What's worse than two cats in a box?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 07 2020
A telescope turned up in our lost and found box
We donβt know who it belongs to, but weβre looking into it.
π︎ 122
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︎ Dec 18 2019
Me: I'm going to grow out the hair on my upper lip, then shave it, put it in a box, and hide that box.
Wife: Why...?
Me: It's going to be my secret stash
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 16 2020
I was planning to buy my kids a jack-in-the-box for Christmas
But after looking for hours, I decided to pass. Nothing really jumped out at me.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 25 2019
I want it in a box
π︎ 19
π
︎ Aug 14 2019
A plumber and a contractor were arguing about something in a huge box.
The contractor was adamant that whatever was in the box would not go in the building at any cost. The plumber insisted he was just trying to do his job and that it was imperative that the box go into the master bathroom. The contractor turned him away despite warnings that there would be consequences. Upon hearing this, the owner of the building got angry and hired a new contractor. The new contractor also wouldn't allow the contents of the large box into the building. He was also fired and a new contractor hired. This contractor was a fun person, giving the workers breaks and buying them lunch. Out of fondness, the workers warned him that when plumber comes, he should allow the box to go into the building. So the contractor asked how important the contents of the box were and the workers replied, "Two people have been fired for not listening to the plumber, just let that sink in"
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 09 2019
OC: What is it called when a mama cat delivers her babies in the cat box?
A litter litter, literally.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 06 2019
A tick in my box.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 15 2019
My friend was talking about how he found a box of shotgun shells in his desk
I asked him if he could hear the ocean in them
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 22 2019
Dick in a box
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 16 2019
Those box labels are really a 2-in-1.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 15 2019
After numerous icings in a hockey game, a player was sent to the penalty box.
He needed time to thaw out.
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 20 2019
I dropped a box of donuts in the parking lots and all the crows are eying them greedily...
π︎ 15
π
︎ Mar 29 2019
i always found it weird how a box by itself is a box but a boxer in a box is a warcrime
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 06 2019
What do you call a chav in a box?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 16 2019
My uncle always told me he had a fortune in a safe deposit box. He left me the key in his will.
I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room. I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope in side, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out. I read it, and it said: "Good things are ahead for you. Your lucky numbers are 6, 10 and 13."
π︎ 425
π
︎ Jun 11 2016
I donβt mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in one day, and the box said 2-4 years!
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jul 13 2018
The magician placed my sister in a βmagic box,β and then βsawedβ her into two
Now I have two half-sisters.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 10 2018
As my friend Richard sat at my dining room table, I went to the kitchen and poured him a glass of milk and mixed in some brown powder from the yellow box in the pantry. That is how...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 07 2018
My friend after a long day of hanging out: "want to go to Jack in the Box then call it quits?"
Me: "what's wrong with the name it has now?"
Took him a while to get it then he was pissed.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Sep 16 2016
What do you call a box of Altoids in the pocket of a sleeveless jacket?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 04 2017
What would you name a box? ...(the newest installment in my aggressively produced puns video series)
youtu.be/ieVbk7M-4ak
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 15 2015
A wooden box was floating in the sea and no body knows it. Why?
Because it's a sea-crate.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Oct 16 2015
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 27 2013
My father-in-law drew a dad joke on the cereal box
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 28 2013
A plumber and a contractor were arguing about something in a huge box.
The contractor was adamant that whatever was in the box would not go in the building at any cost. The plumber insisted he was just trying to do his job and that it was imperative that the box go into the master bathroom. The contractor turned him away despite warnings that there would be consequences. Upon hearing this, the owner of the building got angry and hired a new contractor. The new contractor also wouldn't allow the contents of the large box into the building. He was also fired and a new contractor hired. This contractor was a fun person, giving the workers breaks and buying them lunch. Out of fondness, the workers warned him that when plumber comes, he should allow the box to go into the building. So the contractor asked how important the contents of the box were and the workers replied, "Two people have been fired for not listening to the plumber, just let that sink in"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 09 2019
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