At work last night, we found a lost set of keys. The only identifiable information on them was a little metal bobble that read, "Eaves."
I told my coworkers to be on the lookout for an eavesdropper.
I identify as a man, my birth certificate says I’m a man, everybody I know says I’m a man...
and yet according to Kraft Dinner, I’m a 4-person family
I sexually identify as chocolate
How do you identify something that's stupid?
A pyromaniac from my hometown accidentally killed himself in a fire, but nobody even showed up to identify the body.
My Auntie identifies as a trans man
How did the police identify the body of a dead monk?
They checked his transcen-dental records.
A man called 911 after his 76 year old mother wandered out of the family home during the night. When asked what she had been wearing and if she had any personally identifying features about her, he advised she was barefoot, half naked and had a visible scar from her hysterectomy.
The dispatcher replied, “So... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?”
What do you call a bear that doesn’t identify with any gender?
Both of my parents don't identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. They are both very honest and open people.
I guess you could say they're transparent.
How can you identify a group of math teachers?
They're the ones that look like alge-bros.
I found a pine tree that identified as a wolf.
How do you identify a friendly biker?
By the flies between his teeth
I identify as a donkey...
How does one identify as water?
If I start to identify as an invisible man, does that make me a....
I have this incredible talent where I can identify what's inside a wrapped present.
What does Ironman Identify as?
I’ve developed a new AI
I’ve developed a new AI and taught it to identify any porno ever made just from the cum shot
I’ve called it facial recognition
I sexually identify as Michael Jackson
My personal pronouns are He/Hee
I'm bothered by lazy geologists who don't take the time to correctly identify rocks...
Sometimes they take this schist for granite.
They say you can identify a tree by its bark, but this one has me stumped.
What gender does a quantum computer identify as?
Why are birds so hard to identify?
Because they are always in da sky’s.
Hens were often used in the Revolutionary War to identify colonists that were loyal to the Crown.
You never learned about chicken-catch-a-Tory?
I kicked my lad out because he told me he now identifies as a cow
I have been diagnosed with special vision able to identify comic buffoonery and ridiculous humor...
...my optometrist just told me that I'm very farce-sighted.
After watching Star Wars, my friend on tumblr told me he identifies as The Force
I guess that makes him a ForceKin
What do you call it when someone who identifies as the opposite gender does something
In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.
Preferred pronouns are Her/she
What is it called when you can’t identify a red bird?
Need Help Identifying a Dad Joke
When going through some of my deceased father's things, I found a card that says "Gold Mouse Story" and "Do you have a little gold Mexican?". This is sort of a shorthand he used to jot down jokes on index cards - a short description and the punchline.
I have no idea what this might refer to so I am asking here. Does this sound familiar? I apologize in advance if it turns out to be racist!
why can't you see the father of a person who identifies themself with a different gender than the one They're born with?
I can always identify people who have a hard time counting to 10.
They are usually ahead of me in the express lane at the grocery store.
How do you identify the gender of an ant?
If it sinks, it's a girl ant If it floats, it's buoyant.
How can you identify a dogwood tree?
My son claims that he identifies as an ancient Greek string instrument.
Frankly, I think he's a lyre.
Actually made me laugh gender fluid means you arent binary to one gender and transgender mean you do not identify as the gender assigned to you at birth
My son identifies as a crescent moon. I’m worried, but my wife says it’s just a phase.
Did you hear about the guy who only dated women named Esther, sometimes more than one at a time?
He identified as poly-Esther
I’ve started growing herbs in my garden. To help identify them i’m growing them in alphabetical order. My neighbour asked me, how you find the time. I said, easy, it’s right here next to the sage.
I decided to self-identify as deodorant
Before you ask. Yes, Yes I am sure
My father identifies as a woman, but he never told me about it
He wasn't being very trans parent.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
I sexually identify as Michael Jackson
My preferred pronouns are He/Hee
I have this weird talent where I can identify what’s inside a wrapped present.
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