I have 6 hands, 12 feet and 3 heads. What am I?
I am reading a horror novel in Braille.
Something bad is gonna happen, I can feel it.
I asked my wife if I am the only one she has ever been with.
She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
I am a mom but, here goes
Did you know that NASA sent a chicken to the moon?
You remember the a pollo missions.
Get help... I am dying here
I don't even know how many puns I made here. I am a pun-aholic.
I am sick of my friend’s nonstop puns about The Abominable Snowman.
Yeti still insists on doing it.
I am craving several different Italian desserts right now.
Too bad I cannoli eat one.
I went to a job interview today and the interviewer asked me "what is your greatest weakness?". I said "I am too honest"
He said "I don't think that's a weakness"
"Well I don't give a f* what you think"
Hey friends! In support of the LGBTQ+ community I wanted to design a punny pride greeting card and I am so happy with how it turned out :D let me know what you think!
I lost my left nut to a cancer scare. So now when someone asks me how I am
I can say "I am all right. Literally"
I am suspicious that my wife is secretly adding glue to my weapons collection...
She denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
I am so good at sleeping
I can do it with my eyes closed.
People often ask me why I am willing to build barriers preventing the flow of water for anyone who asks...
I tell them it's because I give a dam.
I am so broke....
The bank asked for its calendar back.
Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?
I am always subconsciously speaking rudely to others...
Giving them some Freudian's Lip.
Her : I am leaving , I'm sick of you wearing a different t-shirt every hour .
Me : Wait . I can change .
My nephew was released from jail on the condition that I am aware about his whereabouts at all times.
Siri just said “I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.”
Turns out I’d left my phone in Airplane mode.
I am sooooo proud of myself for this one 😂
I am at the waiting room of the doctor’s office, wondering when my girlfriend’s checkup will be over.
Sitting at the Doc of the Bae, wasting time.
Son : "Dad, am I adopted?"
Dad : "NO!! Why the hell would I chose you?"
I am getting concerned. Last week I accidentally swallowed an ice cube
And I still haven't pooped it out.
My wife was telling me I am of average intelligence.
I am the punisher, feel my laugh!
Everyone keeps asking me that why am I such a pessimist all the time
I keep telling them that it's in my blood, be negative.
A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
I am completely mesmerized by your front door
I'm not sure I am that hungry
I am not a fan of the corn maze.
I feel like I'm being stalked, It's eary.
I am writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes....
It's only a draught at the moment.
I know a family of Artists but I am not sure how they make so much Money
I am so glad Tinder found me a match
Because yesterday I lost my lighter.
My wife says I am spending too much money on mirrors
It’s time for some self reflection
I always say "mucho" when i am around my hispanic friends
I ran after the garbage truck yelling “am I too late for the garbage?”
The driver stopped and said “No, jump right in!”
My 14 year old dropped this one on me - I am so proud: two snare drums and a cymbal fall over a cliff...
I am like a modern day Zeus....
I am not strong or godlike I am just constantly horny.
I am opening a rock'n'roll-themed Opticians.
I'm going to call it Johnny C Goode.
I like to shit at 11:59pm and end at 12:05 am
I tried to become a stand up comedian, but it turns out that I am more of a "sit down" comedian.
After every joke I told, someone kept yelling "sit down"!
I am reading this article that compares all the different versions of The Bible.
There is a lot of cross referencing.
What the hell am I dough-in’ here? I donut belong here
So this plane takes off, am I right??
...I guess not every joke lands
Am I punny enough for the pun club?
I asked my wife if I am the only one she has ever been with.
She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.
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