It’s actually a long tale/tail.
-I don’t know how puns work in written form.
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
You add "g" and it's GONE
Sundae school.
nothing - it’s on the house
Sir: “Like winning an argument with my wife”.
Waiter “Rare it is!”.
They / Them
They use the side walk!
- came up with this while walking to work today (I work in education)*
A tractor
They/them
Many.
I'm not really a mourning person 😔
Causes you to throw up
You get a Sheeporghini and a Ramborghini to fall in love.
My 12-year-old daughter and I came up with this one together.
You look for fresh prints
Crew: I I Captain.
It becomes cough-y.
-My 11 year son a few moments after I had coffee go down the wrong pipe and had a bit of a coughing fit.
proud dad noises
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Grandpa: I hate it. It’s driving me up the wall.
I don’t know, but it must be through the roof.
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Xfinity
They slash them.
You add a g and it’s gone.
... they log in
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
You flush it 🥴
You take away her blanket
I said, I nailed it.
And not a neigh-bourhood?
One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
Nothing; it’s on the house.
Nothing, it’s on the house
they / them
They/them
