A squid seaman cried helplessly:

"I've lost my ten tackles!"

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👤︎ u/Srayel
📅︎ Aug 24 2020
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Mommy tomato, daddy tomato, and baby tomato were all out for a leisurely Sunday stroll

They walked through the flower gardens at the park. They skimmed stones across the lake. They fed the ducks bread.

It was a perfect Sunday.

Then daddy tomato had a call that his brother was in hospital. Across the road was a bus destined for that very place.

They ran back through the park dodging ducks and tripping on stones and getting tangled in foliage. Baby tomato was starting to lag a little. So daddy tomato, in a panic, shot glances at the arriving bus and his helpless offspring. He Ran to his son and with all his might squashed him into the pavement with his Dr Martins boots and said

"Ketchup"

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👤︎ u/maccer20
📅︎ Feb 18 2021
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My sick gf got me with this one over the phone

Her in her sick and helpless voice: My nose has been running all day!

Me: aww that really sucks.

Her: catch it

Me: what...?? Catch a cold??

Her: Nooo! Catch my nose!

I was proud

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Feb 16 2016
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