what is it called when grapes cry?

They wine

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DevilMasterKING
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 06 2023
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My wife asked why Iโ€™m singing Avril Lavigne this morning

Itโ€™s Complicated

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cssum0
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 03 2023
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What you get when you play the song "walk with me in hell" at double speed?

"Sprint with me in hell"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/shaicnaan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit theyโ€™re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. โ€œIโ€™d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,โ€ it says. โ€œSorry, but I canโ€™t serve you,โ€ the bartender replies. โ€œYouโ€™re out of your head.โ€

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. โ€œWe donโ€™t serve your kind here,โ€ the bartender says. โ€œWhy not?โ€ one yogurt asks. โ€œWeโ€™re cultured.โ€

A friend of mine didnโ€™t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. Heโ€™s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and thereโ€™s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, โ€œWhat are you staring at? Havenโ€™t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?โ€ The guy says, โ€œItโ€™s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.โ€

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, โ€œWhatโ€™s with the paper towel?โ€ The pirate says, โ€œArrr! Iโ€™ve got a Bounty on me head!โ€

A turtle is crossing the road when heโ€™s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, โ€œI donโ€™t know. It all happened so fast.โ€

Armed robbersโ€”some say theyโ€™re a drain on society, but youโ€™ve got to give it to them.

Barbersโ€ฆyou have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Donโ€™t forget the pickle. Itโ€™s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. Thereโ€™s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewisโ€ฆ Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bugasum
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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What would you have if everyone in the country owned a pink car?

You'd have a pink carnation.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DrHoleStuffer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 30 2022
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What is Jesus' favourite band?

Nine inch nails.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 186
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/koreanjudas
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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Bilbo Baggins suddenly wakes up and hears someone singing โ€œDonโ€™t stop Believingโ€.

It was an unexpected Journey.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Rudolph's report card
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/willybusmc
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
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The legend of the tutor mice

So, let's see that report card. Hmmm. Not so great this term, eh? Maybe you should have bought some tutor mice.

What are tutor mice? You never heard of tutor mice? No wonder. There's this elf, see, and he trains mice to teach kids different subjects. You buy one mouse for math, another for English, and so on. Each mouse you buy is a guaranteed A.

And the best thing is, this elf doesn't have a shop or anything. He comes to you. All you have to do is sing the song.

What do you mean what song. Everybody knows the song. You just have to sing it like you really mean it, and he'll pop up and sell you some mice. Like this:

โ™ซI'LL BUY MICE, E-E-ELF...โ™ซ

โ™ซDON'T WANNA 'B'!โ™ซ

โ™ซI'LL BUY MICE, ELF!โ™ซ

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PrettyDecentSort
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 16 2014
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MORE THAN A FEEEEELING!

Driving to Tim Hortons, and we're sitting in the drive thru. .

Of course, Boston us on the radio, playing more than a feeling.

What the he'll does my old man do?

He pulls down his bottom lip, to show me his teeth, and yells look!!! Look!!! I have more than a feeling!!! (filling) I got one capped and I just got on pulled!!! (of course, to the tune of the song)

Wow dad, just wow. .

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 13 2016
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Wawa

(Rap music playing in the background)

Him: "Which artist does this song? Is it Wawa?"

Me: "No....I dont think I've ever heard of Wawa."

Him: "Wawa what the hell is he talking about."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PaulaAbdulJabaar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
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Since vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don't just say a prayer over every storm cloud to kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why so many vampires are from Europe...

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 84
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 01 2022
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What do you call a singing computer?

A Dell

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Trick2Gesus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 25 2016
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