I’m sorry about posting another joke about Trump’s hair

But he had hell toupee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoKit2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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My friends and I had a six day pun-fest with nothing but hair jokes. imgur.com/a/DocF1
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
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Every time a dad joke is born, an angel loses his hair
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B00Mshakal0l0
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
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My colleague busted out some grade A Dad jokes on my JustGiving page. (I am donating my hair to charity)

http://imgur.com/z0TOWbg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCaptainOats
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2014
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Hair. I'm not a dad yet but my jokes are.

My girlfriend was getting ready in the bathroom and I hear her yell "Shit... fell out already?"

I responded: trouble in hairadise?

The groan could be heard for miles and miles.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2014
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It FINALLY happened.

Almost 40 and growing my beard out for the first time. Wife finally says "You know I'm starting to like it." And I could finally say "Yeah. It's growing on me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1284X
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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I saw male wigs on sale for $1

It’s a small price toupee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling β€œI stepped on a Bee!”

I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...

Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.

Apparently I had dropped one...

Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....

A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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Why haven’t aliens visited our Solar System yet?

They looked at the reviews... only 1 star

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Belpix0
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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Do you want hair, with more volume?

πŸ”ˆπŸ”‰πŸ”Š πŸ“£HAAAAIIIIIRπŸ“£

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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I used to hate facial hair

But then it grew on me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/idkqwerty1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?

A barberqueue

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgrl2494
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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What's six inches long, has a bald head and every woman loves?

A hundred dollar bill.

This is my dad's favorite joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorModalus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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There's this planet, where the pointy-haired natives never smile, never crack a joke,

except every seven years, when all they do is word play.

It's called Pun Farr.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2016
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My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.

He just can’t part with it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Coworker got dad joked when explaining how he cuts his hair

Coworker 1: I will usually drink a few glasses of wine, then shave my head.

Coworker 2: oh so you do a buzzcut

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buchanan_
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2014
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I got dad joked about my hair cut.

I got a hair cut and wasn't as pleased with it as past hair cuts. My dad looks at it and says "It's okay. Don't you know the difference between a good hair cut and a bad hair cut? Two weeks." Ehhhh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blister_beetle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
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A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on the lap.

He’s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum haired beauty jumps to feet, β€œwhat gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?”she demands. β€œWhat does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer an apology

β€œYou keep out of this! She yells, β€œI’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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I grew facial hair without telling anyone.

It's my secret 'stache.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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Why was Pavlov's hair soft?

Because he conditioned it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/philzard224
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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He is no longer worried about a receding heir line.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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How does the moon cut his hair.

Eclipse it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zyzzyva42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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I never liked myself with facial hair...

but since I stopped shaving this beard has been growing on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FliesInHisEyes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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Happy Father’s Day!

To all the dads out there; may your dad jokes grow prosper, make your children facepalm, and cause your partner want to pull your hair out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AzurEdge3290
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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Dad jokes...on him

My father is fond of jokes and pranks (even though I only pretend to laugh .-.) but there's this story that I always would genuinely laugh at whenever it is brought up. So here it goes...

We've always gone to Church every Sunday when we were kids and on one of those Sundays, my father decided to make my mother laugh by shaving only HALF of his beard. So while the other side has hair, the other is shaved. He casually walked up to my mother and asked if he looked good in his "new fashion style." My mother laughed so hard she couldn't breathe.

When that was over, we got ourselves ready and went to Church. While praying, there was a bunch of people looking at my father. He noticed that as soon as he looked at those people, they'd cover their face, bow their heads and walk away. He felt weird. So he got into this 'thinking position' where he had his hands to play with his beard. And that's when he realized...HE FORGOT TO SHAVE THE OTHER HALF AT HOME AND NO ONE NOTICED UNTIL WE GOT THERE. HAHAHHAHAHA He was so embarassed, he covered his whole face until mass was over.

That's all folks. Thank you for coming to my dad talks .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecember
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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What did the dad say to his long haired son?

Dad: You should have gotten a haricut a long time ago... Son: But dad, I did get a haircut a long time ago!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VikzeLink
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2015
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What time is it?

BACKGROUND: I'm a sleep technologist and there's an intercom connecting my office to the patients' rooms. They call out when they need something (eg. blanket, bathroom visit, etc.)

Patient calls out, "Hey, what time is it out there?" so I replied "Probably the same time it is in there, why?"

The patient was too sleepy to be amused but it made me laugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/runfromfire
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2014
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When I tell my dad I'm getting a haircut:

Dad: "Which one?"

Then, later, when I get home from the barber: Dad: "Did you get your ears lowered?"

Every time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blinkle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2013
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I Dad joked my roommates mother

Firstly, I am no Dad sorry. But here goes.

I was sitting on the couch watching TV and my roommates mother comes in. Since it was November I had a decent mustache grown.

She said, "Hey soooeasyjoe that mustache really suits you. Are you going to shave it afterwards?"

I responded, "I'm not sure, originally I did not like it, but its growing on me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/soooeasyjoe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2013
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I was on a roll last night.

My family was having a burger night and I improvised some groaners:

Q - How does it sound when your cousin drives an ambulance?
A - Neeeenaaaaa-neeeeenaaaaa! (There is a cousin called Nina)
Q - How do you know when your cousin is coming to visit?
A - they ring the Issa-belle! (Yip, you guessed it there is a cousin called Issabelle)

Q - What does a dinosaur say to offer you a hot drink?
A - Would you like some tea, Rex? (Hate to over explain and ruin the joke but just in case - Rex )

Then during bathtime:

Q - When a crab goes to jail where do they lock him up?
A - A jail shell. (there was a decorative jar of shells there which I used as a muse for this piece)

Q - How does a daddy cow clean himself at night?
A - In a bub-bull bath. (Just came to me)

Q - What does an astronaut use in the bath?
A - A space cloth. (this one didn't really land but I stand by it)

Q - What do you use to wash your hair in the toilet?
A - Sham-poo (low hanging fruit but this one absolutely killed)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dat_asthma
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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My son got me

He's 5 and has been learning humor. Most of his jokes make no sense like this:

Knock Knock! Who's there? Hair. Hair who? Hair on my head!

AHAHHAHAHA!

However, the other day he was watching Backyardigans while I was on the computer. I wasn't watching the show and he walks in to my office. He asks "Why did the chicken cross the playground?" I readied myself for a nonsense joke...."To get to the other slide!"

I have never laughed that hard at one if his jokes. ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavidTigerFan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2015
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Got a groan and a laugh at work today

So I had a table say they had a hair in their food. I went and apologized and said I would remake it immediately. I brought it out to the table and I told them the secret ingredient I used this time was NAIR. The dad laughed, the mom groaned, and the kid asked what NAIR was, the mom said it was "Hair Remover". The look on the kid's face when she recognized the joke was amazing.... Best shift of my life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rationaljackass
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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My mom and I were cooking corn

Me: (my usual set up for a bad pun) I am trying to think a of joke about corn

Mom:don't split any hairs about it

Me: Oh shuck you took my pun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datboy000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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my wife's long con

Not exactly a dadjoke, but she learned from the best.

So, it was last sunday and we did a family trip to the zoo with the whole family. Now our kids are 3 1/2 and 1/2 and we named them after strong animals, think "Leoni" (the Lioness) and "Falc" (the Falcon), not exactly those names, but you get the gist. We decided about our daughter's name about 4 years ago.

While we were standing at the entrance queue, my wife gently stroked our daughter's hair, lifted up our son, placing a kiss on his forehead, looked at me smiling and said:

"I have been waiting for this so long!"

"Uhm, to stand in line at the zoo?"

"No, honey, to .... take our zoo to the zoo!"

*groan*

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Horst665
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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Proud of my 7 year old tonight.

During our bedtime routine, my son grabbed an old stuffed rabbit to bring to bed.

7-β€œDaddy, I’m going to roll Fluffer (the rabbit) into a ball tonight.” Me-β€œOk” 7-β€œSo he will look like a hair ball” Me-β€œWhat?” 7-β€œBecause a hare is short for bunny rabbit.”

So proud of him. So disappointed in myself for not getting the joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediFunHouse
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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My daughter and I can no longer take pictures with our phones for comedy reasons

Not a joke. A true story. My daughter asked me to take a photo of her because her hair was "on point". So I held the phone up and took half a dozen pictures as she posed.

Hilariously I had the camera pointing at me so she got my face looking serious. We laughed, started again, took some more pictures and obviously I did exactly the same thing. Comedy gold.

Of course now both of us are doing it every time we take a picture of anything with our phones. It's a downward spiral neither of us is prepared to break. I'm concerned I'm going to miss important moments in the lives of my as yet unborn grandchildren.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cistercianmonk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2016
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My Grandpa's joke, used it today after a haircut

Co-worker- did you get your hair cut? Me: nope, just got my ears lowered

Thanks for the great joke, Donny

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjzcrash12
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2015
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Horse Puns

Funniest horse puns and jokes

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: β€œHey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: β€œWhat, George?”


A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. β€œEvenin’” says the barman, β€œwhy the long face?”


A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: β€œWait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: β€œThis alright?” The barman says: β€œHmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”


A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: β€œI shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” β€œWhy, what have you got?” β€œAbout Β£2 and a carrot.”


Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours


A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. β€œWill I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: β€œOf course you will, and you’ll probably win!”


Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!


A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.

β€œI’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. β€œWe don’t serve spirits..


A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. β€œExcuse me, good sir,” the horse says, β€œare you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, β€œSorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. β€œWhy would the circus need a bartender?”


Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.


What did the horse say when it fell? β€œI’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”


Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.


A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.


Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!


What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!


What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?


What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Someone posted a joke on inauguration day and now I can't stop thinking of Trump puns, so I'll just dump them here.

He probably has quite the hair-care bill, but I'm sure he's willing toupee for it.
It seems that everyone on the internet is Russian to say good things about him.
After his inauguration speech, everyone gave him a big hand.
His favorite winter Olympic event is the LYUUUUGE!
The other half of his supporters can be described with ancient, mystical legends: the Deep Lore-ables.
Nobody will be able to use cheap cotton drapes or table cloths after his ban on muslins.
Since the start of the cold war, many U.S. presidents have pissed off the Russians. Trump is the first to be accused of pissing ON them.
I subscribed to his newsletter because I never turn down a free MAGA-zine subscription.
Melania got used to everyone crowded into Trump Tower during the campaign. Now that everyone's gone, she looks around and it's just a little Barron.
Joke that inspired me is here : https://www.reddit.com/r/puns/comments/5p4ebt/on_donald_trumps_inaguration/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Hitchhiker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2017
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Road trips are prime time for dad jokes

Passing a graveyard Dad "I wonder how many dead people are in there?" Victim "I don't know..." Dad "All of them, I hope. or Dad "You know, people are just dying to get in there."

Passing a corn field Dad "Wow, just look at all that corn. It's a-maize-ing!"

After a haircut Victim "Dad, did you get a hair cut?" Dad "No, I got 'em all cut."

I realized after I posted this that I included the haircut joke after a road trip title. It was a late night of good beer (with Dad, of course) and I remembered it and thought it needed to be included.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hnnhwk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2013
🚨︎ report
I used to hate facial hair

But then it grew on me

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Im_Saying
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My buddy went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him.

He just can’t part with it.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife: "I like your new beard."

Me: "It's growing on me, too."

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uiberto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2015
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