Finally got to tell a dad joke on my kindergarten grade daughter I've been waiting 5 years to pull off.

"How was school?"

"We had gym."

"Gym who?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MaverickTenSays
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 24 2016
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I don't think Marine Biology is the right major for me.

My grades are below C-level

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/icemage27
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I went to college to become a meteorologist but I quit because

too much of the grade was based on class precipitation.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SufficientVariety
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Why princess ariel didn't finish high school?

Because her grades were always under the C.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 88
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ineedapapaya
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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High school started out promising for me, but I ended up selling meat as a job.

I guess you can say I butchered my grades.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Hamz000
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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The Letdown

A high schooler wants to ask his best female friend to prom. Because theyโ€™ve been friends for so long, he really wants to make his โ€œpromposalโ€ special. He talks to his friends, he talks to her friends, and spends days planning the perfect moment. Happily, she says yes!

Over the next couple of months, she sends him different styles and colors of ideas for her dress. He tells honestly that sheโ€™s always been beautiful to him, and privately to himself, he is now realizing he has strong feelings for her. He knows he needs to tell her.

The night of the prom, heโ€™s extremely anxious. What if he says something stupid? What if she laughs at him or doesnโ€™t return his feelings? What if she thinks heโ€™s a terrible dancer? All of these thoughts are swirling around in his mind as both their parents fuss over them and make them pose for a million photos.

They get to the prom and heโ€™s even more anxious. Itโ€™s dark, itโ€™s loud, itโ€™s crowded. They have to shout to be heard. But she grabs his hand, leads him to the dance floor, and they forget everything and everyone around them. A while later, as the songs have gotten slower, he can feel his heart pounding. He thinks itโ€™s finally the right time. He leans down and whispers the truth in her ear, the truth about having loved her since they met in second grade. She starts to cry happy tears, saying sheโ€™s always loved him too, and they kiss. As the song ends and changes to something fast again, he asks her if sheโ€™d like to sit and have a drink. She says yes, could he please get her some punch?

He feels like heโ€™s walking on clouds as he goes over to where the drinks and food are laid out. He wants to get back to her right away and hopes he doesnโ€™t have to wait too long at the refreshments table.

He makes his way through the crowd, and is able to get their drinks and return to his waiting love within just a couple of minutes. Because, would you believe it?

There was no punch line.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevorโ€™s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevorsโ€™s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevorโ€™s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasnโ€™t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

โ€œWellโ€ said Jeff, โ€œAs Iโ€™m sure you know the convention comes to town laterโ€.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

โ€œYes of courseโ€ replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ShredderSte
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Why can't you get the buttons wet in a submersible?

Because they're submarine grade.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/snuggeybug
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.47, deer nuts are under a buck.

Made this joke up in the 3rd grade (you can't tell by the pricing). I'm very old now. Still a winner.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Irish_car_b0mb21
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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So my name is William

And my soccer coach in 7th grade asks me: Do you they call you Will or Bill?

Me: They call me both.

Coach: Okay, Both, nice to meet you.

I'm 42 years old, and that man's son still calls me "Both" to this day.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 95
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/EatATaco
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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I can't believe I failed my HVAC course...

I studied asbestos I could...

Probably should have insulated my grade a little better...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ItsaSnap
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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I got an eight on my test.

I asked the teacher about my grades, and he said Iโ€™m an eight-iot.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ColaNaught
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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I got fired from my last job even though I always gave 100%.

Apparently thatโ€™s not how you grade exams.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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What are the requirements to work in marine biology?

Your grades need to be above C-level

๐Ÿ‘︎ 41
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/evac95
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Pun Request!!!

Hey all! I'm writing a play for my third grade class all about healthy habits and it's full of TV parodies. One show is Game of Thrones. For example, one character is Jon Snowpea. Can you guys help me come up with some food or exercise puns for the full title of Danaerys: Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name,ย The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms,ย Breaker of Chainsย andย Mother of Dragonsโ€. Thanks!!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AllieBallie22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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Did you hear about the landscaper that got kicked out of college?

They found him changing grades.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/frupp110
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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How long has Anakin been evil?

Since the sith grade

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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My daughter wants the new iPhone for her birthday

I told her she will get it if she gets good grades, does her chores or follows the house rules.

Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone because it's either my way or the Huawei.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 352
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/all_shall_hail_me
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 29 2019
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Hey, do we own a graduated cylinder?

No, it never made it past the 11th grade.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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I had to quit my last job, all I did was test soft drinks

It was just soda grading

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Scamperillium
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 17 2019
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Dad: Son, Iโ€™ll never forget where I was when I heard the news that JFK was shot.

It was my sixth grade American history class.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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I graduated with a Chemistry degree, but the only job I got was testing carbonated beverages.

It was Soda grading.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 18 2019
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As a English teacher, I proud of myself at how good my students are teached. Thus I were dismayed when no paper writ by them all was worthy of a mark of even a C...

It was D-grading.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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My math teacher said that I'm a terrible student

How mean! If I had to sum it up, I would say thatโ€™s not the best mode to say that to me. Maybe they should try to factor in the studentโ€™s feelings when telling them they need to tell them they need to fix their grade. I told them to factor that in next time, but they just couldnโ€™t see my logic.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Doogasa34
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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How to catch an elephant. A story by my dad which got me a walk to the Principal's office in 2nd grade

Rolling back 40 yrs or so, here's the story I told to my 2nd grade class.

To catch an elephant, you first need to go to the jungle where elephants are found. Then you cut down all the trees in a big circle, and dig a hole out. Put the trees in the hole and burn them down to ashes. Carefully line the edge of the hole with peas.

And when an Elephant comes to take a Pea, you kick him in the Ash-Hole!

Everyone about died. Hell, even the teacher and principal were laughing about it. Dad was amused. Mom was not.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheGoodLordsTaint
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2016
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Why did the sailer ground his son?

His grades were below C level

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Charlie0918
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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Why couldn't the fish stay in grad school?

Because all of his grades were under a sea

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/unclerudy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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What do teachers and road workers have in common?

They both grade on a curve

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/whomikehidden
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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Things with "dad" in them

Crawdads, doodads, hodads, your mom, the babysitter, your second-grade primary school teacher ...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lord_Harkonan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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This is my dad's favorite joke that he tells all the time (long)

It's the end of the Kindergarten year, and for all the kindergartners to graduate to first grade they all have to take a simple test.

The teacher walks up to the first kid and goes "Okay Jimmy. To graduate we have to name a few simple body parts. Where are your fingers?"

Jimmy wiggles his fingers.

"Good. Where are your knees?"

Jimmy points to his knees

"Very good. Last question. Where is your nose?"

Jimmy points to his nose

"Very good! How did you know all that?"

Jimmy points to his head and says, "Kidneys"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dumbjokes101
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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It's overcast but nice

It's a grade-a grey day

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/m3ltph4ce
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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Me and my daughter were driving by her school and she said โ€œhi school!โ€

I said โ€œno, grade school.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cormac2020
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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Brought a tear to my eye

I'm currently teaching at a summer program for kids going into 1st grade through 6th grade. I've been using the opportunity to relentlessly torment the kids with dadjokes and puns, naturally.

This morning, one of my 6 year olds was having breakfast. She looked down at the oatmeal and said "Oooh, this is hot, and I'm cold."

She then instantly looked up at me and insisted "Don't call me cold, don't call me cold, don't call me cold!"

I'm so proud.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dakana
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2015
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Percy Jackson, son of the sea God. Did not do well in school.

His grades were below C level.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/twindadlife
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A high school student struggles to pass his tests but decides, one day, to pull himself together.

After weeks of hard work and dedication, his grades start picking up.

A month passes and the semester is finally over.

He approaches his father and shows him his grades.

The father looks dramatically into his son's eyes and says:

"long time no C".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/olafur-andri
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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How did the pirate manage to graduate high school?

He wasnโ€™t the top of his class, but his grades here in the high Cโ€™s...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mistermajik2000
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
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Pun request! (Punmergency? No...)

Hey all! Sorry if this is against the rules somehow, but I am looking for some pun assistance. I'm a teacher and am setting my room up with a jungle theme. I want to decorate the door to my classroom to say "Welcome to the Third Grade Jungle..."We've got ...." with some kind of academic spin on "fun and games." Either fun or games can stay in the pun, but I figured I couldn't just straight up quote G&R without making it school related too. I'm usually pretty good at puns (post title nonwithstanding) but am coming up empty. Thanks so much!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AllieBallie22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
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What do grades look like?

Mom talking to my brother: "What do your grades look like?"

Me: "Letters."

Hear dad laugh from the kitchen.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 04 2014
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My son wasn't feeling well this morning.

When my son got up this morning he said he wasn't feeling well and might not be able to go to school (he's in 1st grade). When I got to work I texted my wife and asked how he was doing.

Wife: He's fine. He just had to poop.

Me: So what you're saying is... he was full of shit?

I think I showed at least 15 people at work that text exchange before I left for the day.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/freetattoo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 28 2014
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He was afraid to show his parents his report card

He'd only barely passed. It was very D grading.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/The_Possum
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When I went to highschool in Italy my classmates were one year older than me

I Skipped pasta grade

Ok Iโ€™ll leave

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jimmy-Retard
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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A son asks his father for a new car for his birthday...

Son: Dad, I turn 16 in a few months and would really like a car for my birthday.

Father: Well son, Iโ€™ll make a deal with you. If you do three things for me, Iโ€™ll get you the car. First, you need to improve your grades. Second, I want you to see you in church every Sunday. And finally, I want you to cut your long hair.

A FEW MONTHS PASS

Son: Dad, next week is my birthday and Iโ€™ve done everything you asked. Can I get a car?

Father: I did notice you got straight Aโ€™s on your report card and Iโ€™ve seen you at church every Sunday. But you didnโ€™t cut you hair. I told you to cut your hair.

Son: I wanted to talk to you about that. In bible study I learned that Moses, John the Baptist, and Jesus all had long hair.

Father: Yes they did. And they walked everywhere they went.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Blake4Bama
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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I thought I failed my parallel parking test.

Luckily my driving instructor grades on a curb.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cjjsteen3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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I got fired from my last job even though I always gave 100%.

Apparently thatโ€™s not how you grade exams.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 149
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I remember exactly where I was when I heard the news that JFK was shot.

7th grade World history class.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 48
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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