A list of puns related to "Good Shoes"
They know what it's all a-boot. Eh.
They make great cobblers.
Heβs been undie-feeted ever since.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.
Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling π³ '
Thank you for the awards
Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
WORKING ON A JOB
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned I just couldnβt concentrate. . Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldnβt hack it, so they gave me the axe. . After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasnβt suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow. . Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting. . I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldnβt cut it. . I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldnβt cut the mustard. . My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasnβt note worthy. . I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didnβt have any patience. . Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it just wasnβt the right fit. . I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldnβt live on my net income. . I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell. . I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. . After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it. . My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.
Sneakers
I said, βThanks. That means a lot.β
Brief background: stepdaughter is 20 years old and has always hated when I make puns/dadjokes
So my step daughter just came downstairs heading out for work and just as she's walking out the door I noticed she has only one shoe on.
Me: "Hey! You know you only have one shoe on, right?
Her: "yeah, the other one is in my car"
Me (visibly confused): "uh...ok"
Her: "you might say I'm a step ahead"
The door shuts, my jaw dropped.
I run to the door, open it,
"Was that a pun? did you just make a dad joke?!"
She replies only with a smirk.
I'm so proud.
Open toad
Edit- got this off the back of a cereal box but damn love raking in this new text post juicy karma.
I'm sitting at the dining room table with my mom just chatting about nothing in particular, when my dad walks with this shit eating grin holding something behind his back. Now for a little background info, my dad NEVER does surprises. And I mean never. So I immediately knew something was up. My mom turns around and asks him what's going on. He tells her to close her eyes and hold out her hands because he got her a surprise. At this point my mom gets really excited and asking, "what is it?! What is it?!" To which my dad replies,
"Do you remember when we went out the other day and you were looking at those new running shoes, but you decided not to get them because they were too expensive?"
To which she responds, "ahhhh! Yes I remember!!"
He then says, "well I saw how much you liked them so I decided to get you a pear."
And he puts a fresh pear in her hands.
She still won't talk to him.
Police intervened before anyone began luting.
(Stolen from today's Shoe comic strip... But too good not to share.)
Getting ready to leave the soft play. My daughters are 5 and 3, this was the youngest one.
Daughter: Daddy, can you put my shoes on? Me: I don't think they'll fit me, darling. Daughter (looking exasperated): No Daddy, I mean put them on me!
So proud.
It'll be "Legend-Dairy"
Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I donβt think theyβll fit me.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but donβt turn it on.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
βEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, βThe good news is..itβll feel better when it quits hurting.'β
Whatβs brown and sticky? A stick.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
βIβll call you later!β- βPlease donβt do that. Iβve always asked you to call me Dad!β
Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!
What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
βMy dad literally told me this one last week: βDid you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.ββ
βWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, βNo, just leave it in the carton!ββ
I got so angry the other day when I couldnβt find my stress ball.
If I had a dime for every book Iβve ever read, Iβd say: βWow, thatβs coincidental.β
Iβm not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
How does a penguin build itβs house? Igloos it together.
βMe: βDad, make me a sandwich!β Dad: βPoof, Youβre a sandwich!ββ
βI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there
A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
βHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? Theyβre all girls, otherwise theyβd be uncles.β
Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth β its pasteurized before you even see it
βWhatβs Forrest Gumpβs password? 1forrest1β
The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: βDonβt worry; this is a piece of cake.β I said: βNo, itβs a math problem.β
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
I donβt play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Iβm just doing it for kicks.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
... keep reading on reddit β‘women on the phone asks:
I dont think she got it.
edit: This is actually funnier how he said it in dutch (our native language). his words were "ze heeft ze benen genomen" which literally means " she has taken the legs".
After many years of wandering, he finally arrived in a small village in the middle of nowhere. The people there believed in the same religion as he did, but they had no church; they had to go to the nearest one which was in a small town 25 km's from there. The priest took the initiative, asked the Church for support, and with the help of the local men they built their own temple. From there on, he was celebrating the Sunday masses, joining together men and women in Holy Matrimony, and saying prayers at the funerals.
Many years passed by like that.
At the end of an ordinary mass, in early spring, on a chilly Sunday morning he was just guiding the people out of the church, was about to close the gates when an unknown man stepped into the churchyard.
With his dirty and torn clothes, he stood before the priest and said:
Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was a good man, and even though he thought the request was a bit strange, he went back to the rectory, took out a lemon, cut it in half, took it back to the man and gave it to him, who looked back to the priest with gratitude. However, the priest was curious. He asked:
Son, why do you need this half of a lemon? - with a fright on his face, and before the priest could have said a thing, he rushed out of the churchyard gate and took off.
A week later, around the same time, when the priest was leaving the church, he found himself in front of the same man in the churchyard. The man said:
Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was surprised by the appearance of the man and his strange request. Of course he was good, went back to the rectory, and brought the half lemon. Placed it in the strangerβs hand and immediately he asked:
Here it is, my dear son, but please tell me why do you need this half a lemon? - the man was obviously frightened and immediately ran away but the priest was not sluggish either and ran after him. He wasnβt in a very good condition, he has never run so much and so fast before so he was out of breath by the end of the village, almost fainted. He thought the strange man might appear again next week, and it would be nice if he could keep up with him, so he spent his week working on his cardio. It turned out to be a good idea, because as he thought, the stranger entered the churchyard on Sunday. The priest didnβt even wait for the request, he was good, and brought the half lemon. He received these words from the man:
Thank you
I asked my parents to bring my tennis stuff to me since I live 2 hours away and they were coming to town to see my sick uncle.
After we had a nice meal, they drove me back to my apartment and handed me the bag.
Dad: I bought some balls for you. I think there's two cans in there.
Me: Why would there be birds in my tennis bag?
We just stared at each other for a good 5-10 seconds. Then I hear my mother groan. He caught on not long after.
"How are you feeling?"
"I feel like an old shoe"
"What does THAT mean?"
"I don't smell good!"
Im not feeling to good. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I can't stop tripping.
Eh? Eh??
Yeah you're laughing..
I had just gotten out of college and I donβt live in nice of an area. I really needed money to be able to pay off my student loans for when I was going to have to apply for them.
My Uncle recommended a shoe factory since it was nearby and the pay was pretty good for what I was doing. After the first year there I had to quit, my body and mind just couldnβt handle it. It was destroying my sole.
HI Iβm Tim the turtle, yes a real turtle. And I would like to tell you the story of my best friend. I once had a friend by the name of Sam. Sam of course was a clam. A real live honest to goodness clam. He was my best buddy, but unfortunately he smoked and drank and ran around with loose women (and a few men). I was more of the goodie two shoes type. I never drank, never smoked, I didnβt even swear. But for some reason Sam and I were the best of friends. I guess you can say we were the epitome of opposites attracting. One day as we were hanging out walking along the beach Sam, after his fifth cigarette in a row, had a heart attack and died. I was heart broken. My best friend died right there in front of me and he never repented his evil ways. I was sure he would spend eternity in damnation. Sigh. Being the goodie two shoes type I was still extremely healthy well into my old age. I missed my friend terribly for many years. On his birthday I would host a party and invite his old stripper girlfriends and poker buddies around to relive stories. It was always a fun evening, but in the end left me more lonely than before. Eventually, my broken heart couldnβt stand it anymore and I too died. I was pleased to find that there was a heaven. Being an almost saint I was whisked directly past the line to the Pearly Gates to be greeted by St. Peter. A big grin erupted on his face and he came right around his desk to give me a great big hug. βTimβ, he said, βYou have been such a good person back on earth that God has asked me to grant you any wish you would like before even entering heavenβ. To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement. I thought for a minute, I guess God expected me to ask for more time on earth, but I knew what I really wanted to do was to visit with my old friend Sam. So I asked. Poor St. Peter didnβt know what to say. You know Sam is in Hell right? Well I knew that was a strong possibility so I wasnβt surprised. Peter excused himself for a while and went to check with the big guy himself. He was gone quite some time, but eventually he returned. Peter said my request was approved, but under a few conditions. First, I would have to carry a golden harp as a passport back into heaven. This harp could only be carried by a good soul so I couldnβt be replaced by a look alike demon. Second, I would have to return by midnight. God didnβt want me to face too much temptation. I agreed to these conditions and took the highway down to hell. (Nope n
... keep reading on reddit β‘There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He
... keep reading on reddit β‘Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
I have about 6 pairs of shoes in total (including dress shoes and flip flops).
My fiancee absolutely hates my old flip flops and old adidas samba, and conversely I love those two in particular. She has, on more than one occasion, threatened to junk them, to which I replied that she would become single.
Yesterday, our golden retriever puppy found and made short work of my flops and one adidas. My fiancee watched as I sadly marched the two pairs to the bin, but she didn't know the amount of dad she was about to face.
I dropped them in the bin, looked up at her, and said "well, they had a good run."
Me: Donating to 3rd world countries does not always have good effects. It can hurt the local economy. Like if a local guy sells shoes and you donate shoes your hurting him.
Dad: Are you saying people should do some sole searching before donating?
On the topic of a 5k:
Dad: "Do you have any running shoes?"
Me: "No, I don't"
Dad: "Well that's good, 'cuz then you'd have to run after them and catch them!"
My dad is a night owl and my mum is an early bird, meaning he has a good few hours to plot and scheme his dadjokes...
Well the other evening, he decided to scare the living daylights out of my mum by drawing a face on a melon, stuffing it in a hoodie with rubber-gloves, shoes and jeans and posed it in our morning room.
Now my mum gets up real early, and walks around the house in a grumpy daze, grumbling, scratching and squinting and whatnot with a grim face looking for something to nag about, so you can imagine the sheer pride he (probably) felt wrapped up in bed with that dumb dadjoke grin from his "Hilarious prank", to hear a loud "AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" coming from across the hall.
Needless to say i'm pretty sure she found something to nag about that morning.
I work at Burlington Coat factory and was assigned to work in the shoe department today. A kid comes up and it goes like this.
Me:Is there anything I can help you with today sir?
Kid:No I don't think so
Suddenly a wild Dad appears form a blind corner
The Dad: Yeah he could use some style.
Me: Well I can't help with that right now but I can sure help with shoes
The Dad: Oh alright. Thank you. Have a good day. It was nice shoe meet you
Made my night.
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub for a drink with him. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go down the pub with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new petβ¦ This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going down the pub with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipedeβs box and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub with me? This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on!"
He was putting his shoes on and confused which shoe to put where.
I showed him the first shoe and he put it on. Then I looked at him:
"So... Do you know where this shoe goes?"
Pointing at the only remaining shoe.
He giggled... He will be a good dad someday.
#1 I was at the outlet mall with my girlfriend and she wanted to check out this shoe store. I follow her in and peruse the store while she looks around. I find these sandals that are on sale, but some only have one shoe. So I pick them up and say, "Hey look, these sandals are.. half off," with the biggest grin. She did one of those one laugh oh my goodness things. #2 A day or two ago I was showing my girlfriend some pictures I took and she said to me, "You know, you've really got an eye." I told her, "I know, I have two." #3 I don't like Twitter and I never have. My gf is the opposite. So she took it upon herself to make me an account and then let me have control. I've posted a few things with my own twist. Instead of using # to tag something I write out "hashtagwhateverIwanttowritehere."
I don't know what he laced them with
but I've been tripping all day
Now we just call him Dav
Goodness is sure is cold today.
You know what kind of shoes you should wear when it is cold outside? No.
BRRRkinstocks.
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