Good Pie Puns

Somewhere over the rainbow

I gave it 3.14 stars.

But an apple pie a day will put his kids thru college.

But I will say it's the healthiest way to prepare punk.

We’re at Disneyland today, and I’m reminded of an old story about rodents that love to steal baked goods. They use those hooks that close and lock, and slide down power lines to break in to bakeries. They are the Pie Rats of the Carabiner.

You reddit.

They were already stuffed!

A "π"thon

A pie without 3.14159265359 is just a 2.7182818284. Have a good day.

GF: Is your pie good?

Me:On a scale of 1-10 I'd give it a 3.14.

On a serious note though the pie was delicious.

If you have a pizza with radius 'z' & height 'a', its volume is pi*z*z*a.

"Good-pie"

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....

NOTHING.

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

• Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
• It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
• What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
• Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
• Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
• Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
• If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
• Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
• Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
• American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
• The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
• Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
• Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
• Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
• Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
• Rittal me this, Batman!
• Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
• Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
• If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
• When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
• You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
• Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
• Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
• Don't think Seton is

So yesterday at work my boss decided to bring a pumpkin and pecan pie into our office for everyone to share. As i'm handed my piece and start to dig in to this glorious, delicious pie I say "I Pe-can't believe how good this pie is!"

Everyone bowed their heads in shame but I raised mine in victory.

I'm sitting at work doing things and I get a text from my dad.

>" What's the area of a circle?"

Like a good son, I reply back to him. >"pi*r^2"

Without missing a beat, he sends back. >"No. Cake are squared, pie are round."

My coworkers looked at be funny after I sighed loudly and chuckled.

My dad just pulled a good one.

Visiting my parents (who live ~2hrs away from me) today, and discussing my mom's upcoming birthday. She's trying to decide what to have for dinner. My dad pipes up, reminding her of the fact that she had mentioned having pie for dinner. She reminds him that making a good crust is very difficult, and she wasn't about to make her own pie for her birthday.

My dad pauses and looks at us.

"So I guess you could say I was uncrustworthy . . . "

facepalmpicard.jpg

Would you like strawberry shortcake or blueberry pie with ice cream?

(Either answer)

Yeah, that sounds good to me too. Too bad we don't have any!

*my Grandpa (rip) to my dad repeatedly, now my dad to me regularly