Probably the best joke Iβve ever made
So yesterday evening my wife got home from work with our Walmart grocery pickup in her car. As we are unloading it she notices that the bag that only has a pack of cheese in it is torn. She shows it to me and without skipping a beat I say, βhuh. You must have gotten sharp cheddar.β
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︎ Oct 08 2021
the best thief ever
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︎ Aug 19 2021
The shovel is the best invention ever.
You could even say itβs groundbreaking
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︎ Sep 18 2021
6:30 is the best time ever.
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︎ Oct 08 2021
Obstetrician gave the best comedy advice ever.
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︎ Oct 13 2021
Best milk ever
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︎ Jul 09 2021
My best friend gave me this today because I'm obsessed with pigs & it is the best card I've ever gotten.
reddit.com/gallery/lkaalp
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︎ Feb 15 2021
Iβm back in my hometown looking after my Dad who gets a little forgetful. I helped him with a transaction, and when we left the store he said βWe need to go to a trophy shop, I need to get a trophy that says-Best Son Ever- βAw Dad, youβre my trophyβ
He looks at me and says βItβs for your brother!β
Edit: Today he said he has to get all the info for my brothers trophyβ¦ because my brother just had a son and my dad wants to get a commemorative βtrophyβ for his grandson! Dβoh! Iβm supposed to be helping him with his confusion.
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︎ Jul 02 2021
I told a ghost he was the best spirit I ever conjured from a ouija board.
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︎ Aug 23 2021
I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
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︎ May 18 2020
Whatβs the best thing to ever come from Oklahoma?
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︎ Apr 16 2021
I'm not sure if my ceiling is the best i've ever had
but it's certainly up there.
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︎ Jun 05 2020
At his wedding, my buddy called me the worst best man he has ever seen.
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︎ Dec 07 2020
They said it would be a the best Superbowl ever!!
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︎ Feb 08 2021
This boat in Fiji has the best name ever
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︎ Apr 23 2018
Did you know the name of the prequel to the best basketball movie ever?
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︎ Dec 04 2020
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
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︎ May 17 2020
This, no joke, might be the best pun Iβve ever read
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︎ Dec 02 2019
Remember this. The best pun i have ever seen.
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︎ May 20 2020
Best trade ever
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︎ Apr 11 2018
The best pen ever made will be the second to last ever made...
Because it would be penultimate.
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︎ Jul 17 2020
The best advice my dad ever gave me: if ever you are desperately searching for something, make sure to take an apple with you.
That way, your search cannot be fruitless.
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︎ Aug 06 2020
My son is the best ever at pulling the car aside a curb in line with other vehicles...
His parking is unparalleled!
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︎ Jul 29 2020
At our PTA meeting, my son's teacher said he's the best she's ever seen at using Elmer's...
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︎ Jul 14 2020
The best pun I ever made, true story:
I had recently joined a band as their bassist, whose previous bassist was very punny and also had a long beard like me.
I had made some unmemorable pun, and the guitarist said, "Goddamn it, puns must be related to beards."
I said, "With great length comes greatest pun ability."
Swear to god this is true. Only two people witnessed it. I want you all to be my witnesses.
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︎ Jan 06 2020
I bought the best ever seasoning for my mutton.
Itβs the Greatest Of All Thyme
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︎ Jun 10 2020
Pritt is not the best lip balm I've ever used
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︎ May 31 2020
The best joke I ever wrote
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︎ Aug 04 2019
This is still one of the best I've ever come across
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︎ Feb 06 2019
My music teacher gave me the best compliment ever
So i (16M) like jokes. I told one to my (awesome dad joke enthusiast) music teacher that went something like.
him picking up a guitarr
Me: why are you so strΓ€ng?
StrΓ€ng means guitarr string and also strict as in a strict teacher in Swedish.
He laughed a bit and said: "you are gonna make a great dad"
Thank you PΓ€r, love ya buddy!
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︎ May 23 2020
Best reporter's ever
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︎ Mar 23 2018
Might be the best pun Iβve ever read
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︎ Dec 02 2019
Best repost ever
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︎ Nov 06 2016
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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︎ Sep 03 2019
Best pun I've ever made
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︎ Jul 30 2019
My best in the moment pun i have ever had
In the gym today, guy is having to get his lock cut off because he lost his key. Joke around with guy for a bit because i have done the same.
As he is walking away....
Him: "you have a good day man"
Me: "you too, better lock next time"
I hear him groan, look to the guy next to me with a dumbass smile on my face and he rolled his eyes. Hahaha
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︎ Jan 30 2020
I once knew a guy whose entire career was based around rating the best ceilings for different houses. Ever day he researched the available options and what was best and worst about them.
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︎ Oct 26 2019
My uncle made the best marinade ever.
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︎ Mar 04 2020
The best joke my dad ever made
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︎ Sep 08 2020
During his wedding, my friend told me that I was the worst best man he has ever seen.
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︎ Aug 22 2020
At his wedding, my friend called me the worst best man heβs ever seen.
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︎ Nov 23 2019
At his wedding, my buddy called me the worst best man he has ever seen.
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︎ Jan 07 2019
Why is a broken drum the best Christmas present ever?
You just canβt beat it.
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︎ Dec 26 2019
At his wedding, my friend called me the worst best man he has ever seen.
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︎ Jan 14 2020
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