My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be speaking German right now" Lovely man, terribly bad foreign language teacher.

No idea why the school hired him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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When I learn German language

My face instantly goes Γ–

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitzz7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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How do you greet a German Shepherd in their native language?

Guten Dog!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hausofthedead
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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I have a friend who teaches Germanic languages.

I asked him if he likes those dots that go over certain vowels.

He replied, "Umm, lots!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sharksandwich70
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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Next level stuff right here
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thryloz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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Credit: instagram.com/etheriality
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NicksterTV
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Dude, where’s my
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marcus-Prince
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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Mixed languages create the best!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlameExploision
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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No matter how kind your kids are

German kids are always Kinder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ekrit_
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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Pulled off a real-life-one, i guess...

Soo.. a little background: my mother was about to visit for a walk outside the next day when this dialogue happened; also: my native language is german and i don't know if this very common in english as well, but my daughter calls my mother <stgm_at's-mother-first-name>-gramma. for the sake of this post let's assume her name is elizabeth.

so here goes...

(i enter the living room; wife & daughter sitting on the couch)

daughter: (in a moderately excited voice) hey dad, you know who's going to visit us tomorrow?

me: (acting as if i didn't know) don't know, who?

daughter: elizabeth-gramma.

me: huh, really, but do you know who is also going to visit us?

(daughter looks at me even more excited, there was defenitely a twinkle in her eye; wife looks at me sceptical)

daughter: don't know, who?

me: my mum.

(cue rolling eyes and groan from my wife and laughter from my daughter)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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The pun heard 'round the world.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mosqua
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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i speak eight different languages

7 of the languages is 10 out of 10 but my German is 9

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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I took my gf Alice to see the Northern lights

She didn’t seem interested, so I asked...

Does the Aurora BoreyouAlice?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blame-runner
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2018
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Why is it called Windows 10 instead of Windows 9?

Microsoft didn't want to confuse the Germans when they asked for Windows Nein.

Then he shoots into his invisible conversation mode

G1: I would like to buy a Windows 9.

G2: You mean Windows 10?

G1: Nein, Windows 9.

G2: 9?

G1: 9.

G2: Then what would you like?

G1: . . .

*Note: If this was all in one language the mix up probably wouldn't happen, but i wanted to share a nice little chuckle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jollyx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2015
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Cock and sperm joke for kids

(This joke just deserved a more catchy title, sorry for the mess.)

Every Tuesday growing up, we had German sausages and sauerkraut for dinner - my dad's favorite. Since I can remember, my dad has told this joke and never misses a chance telling it till this day:

"You know kids, it's not the sausage that makes you fat, it's the sauce!"

Both my younger sister and l looked at eachother, rolled our eyes and thought - why is he telling this joke every single time.. it doesnt make sense! There is no sauce here! Only fried sausages, sauerkraut and potatoes. In fact, where is the goddamn sauce, we could need it. This dish is dry as shit! My poor mom shrugged her shoulders, seemingly just as confused.

When i was about 11-12, I caught up on my dad's hinting and eye contact after the punch line.. he wanted me to get the joke so bad at this point lol. I had a moment, as they say. Oh... OOHH. BOOM. Omg the "SAUCE"!! From the sausage.. makes some people fat.. as in pregnant.. Mind. Blown.

My sister, around 8 at that time, had a few hundred more sausage dinners to "ketchup" ;) I'm not doing so bad myself, 'ey?

Edit: For the slow people out there, this joke is about sausage=penis, sauce=sperm and getting fat=pregnant. Did you have your moment too?? Admittingly, the joke works better in my native language, but you get the idea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathrowHappymeal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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Dad joked a friend at work

Friend: do you speak any other languages? Me: no but I do know a little German. He's about 4'5" and his name is Hans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brandmaster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
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A pair of Grandpa's favorites

When teaching us spelling that you didn't pronounce the last B in Bomb. "why not Grandpa?" "It's silent, like the silent P in swimming." He got me and my younger sisters in turn.

also, he spoke fluent French and German and would claim that "I can speak every language except Greek"

"Say something in Russian."

"That's Greek to me"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanthesquirrel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2013
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