I ordered some General Tso chicken from my favorite Chinese Restaurant but they were all out of MSG...
What does a dyslexic war general use for his bad breath?
What's the difference between Mordor and the Capital?
One does not simply walk into Mordor
What did the soldier say to General Sherman when he was asked to do something
Sturgeon General’s Warning
“Please don’t eat caviar—it’s our children!”
Why are Northern people generally more rich?
Because there are so many snow banks around
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
Where does a General keep his Armies?
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
do you know why Obi-wan Kenobi is called general kenobi and not specific kenobi?
because the sith only deal in absolutes
My wife asked me to pick up a single lemon at the grocery store
But I have no idea how to tell if a lemon is in a relationship or not
Puns about the body are generally corny,
But puns about the eye are cornea.
I just got promoted to general manager at the aquarium!
I'm going to have a corner offish and everything!
So the house cats went to the tigers engagement party.
The tigers were having a great time, roaring, baring teeth and in general having a great time. The cats were sitting quietly off to the side. The tigers asked the cats, “Why so quiet ? Don’t you like to have some boisterous fun ?” The cats replied, “Oh yes, we used to be tigers too. Until we got married.”
PS. (This sounded way better when my friend told me in the original Malayalam language slang poocha-pulee)
General Kitchy-Kitchy just led a military coup!
Today I tried to get a job at a general labor temp agency but was told I didn't qualify.
I am only cleared for leiutenant labor.
I like parks in general...
...but zoo are a sick park!
It's weird how nobody knew who the Iranian general Soleimani was a few days ago...
It's like he blew up overnight.
A conversation with my 11 year old this morning...
Son: Dad, there's a hole in your t-shirt.
Me: I know, it's my religious t-shirt.
Son: gives me a blank look
Me: It's holy!
I work in a manufacturing mill. It's crazy how many General contractors you see
When I've never seen a single lieutenant or corporal contractor
Did you hear about the army general who retreated from an army wearing sandals?
So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. “Hey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?”
Because the chicken had the day off.
Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.
Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)
What did the general say to their troops?
Went to the gym and saw some guy working out dressed as General Grievous
How did the Samurai defeat the enemy General?
Why did the military general refuse to use social media?
It was his personal creed to never surrender or retweet.
I don’t like to make sweeping generalizations
They’re almost never true.
I'm here to make a serious complaint about my local subway. Generally they do a good job, but I today I did an online order (so I didnt SEE them make anything). I didnt unwrap it in the store to check (because who does that), but when I got home it was absolutely not what I ordered.
What did the General who lost both his arms, use to fight his wars?
What did the general have up his sleeves
Where does the General keep his armies?
Where does the general keep his armies?
Where do Generals keep their armies?
Where did the General put this Armies?
Where does a General put his armies?
Where does the General keep his Armies?
Where does a general keep his armies?
Where does the general keep his armies?
Where does the General keep his armies?
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