Me: Geez Dr., deep vein thrombosis? That doesnโt sound good.
Dr: Youโre right, I was always more of a trumpet guy myself.
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Oct 06 2022
Geez, I think I've been away from this sub for too long.
Haven't seen you all since last year.
๐︎ 20
๐
︎ Jan 01 2022
Oh geez it's late!
Lettuce go home...
said the salad
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Jun 15 2021
Geez what if aliens have invented ships that jump across eons, all powered with herbs
They'd have invented thyme travel!
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Jun 21 2021
Oh Geez-ology
My partners in the geology lab were upset about not sharing my earthquake data.
Itโs completely my fault though
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Apr 26 2020
Geez
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Oct 17 2019
"Geez, Dad, you're so cool"
"I'm like Kool-aid".
ten minutes later dad runs back into the room
"No! Wait! I'm cooler than Kool-aid. I'm iced tea."
He still calls himself "iced tea" under his breath sometimes.
๐︎ 20
๐
︎ Oct 15 2015
Why is manslaughter a crime?
Are men not allowed to laugh?
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ May 14 2023
I showed my kid a bunch of jokes from this sub, thinking one of them would cheer her up.
๐︎ 21
๐
︎ May 26 2023
Geeze, I just heard Bezos already built a fancy restaurant on the moon.
He just got his first review; great food, no atmosphere
๐︎ 12
๐
︎ Jul 23 2021
I was going to make a joke about rainโฆ
But that went down the gutter.
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ Apr 27 2023
I'm on a very low salt diet and geeze I swear McDonald's makes it hard.
There fries are just sodium good!!
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Jul 15 2021
Wholesome too
๐︎ 8k
๐
︎ Dec 01 2022
I got an email about how to read maps backwards.
๐︎ 3k
๐
︎ Dec 13 2022
What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally?
๐︎ 6k
๐
︎ Aug 30 2022
5,000 lbs of methamphetamine seized. Good job meth lab!
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ Aug 04 2022
I am writing instructions manual on how not to fall from stairs
Geez it has lots of steps.
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Jan 02 2023
What do pirates and the KKK have in common?
They both use a lot of hard ARRRRS
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Jan 14 2023
A Boogie-board walks into a bar and the bartender says...
..."Get out - we don't surf your kind here!"
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Aug 17 2022
A happily married man of 90 passed away...
His long-time wife was sitting in the first row at his funeral, when a man she didn't recognize came up and sat next to her.
"Do you mind if I say a word?" he asked.
"No not at all. He meant so much to so many people."
The man walked up to the microphone and said: "PLETHORA" then sat back down.
Crying, the woman leaned over to him and said, "Thank you... That means a lot."
๐︎ 3k
๐
︎ Apr 22 2022
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Aug 27 2022
Today some guy pointed to my pet goose and said โsheโ was cute.
God I hate it when people assume my gander.
๐︎ 395
๐
︎ Jun 23 2022
I named my son Lan
I think it will help us stay connected
๐︎ 26
๐
︎ Sep 02 2022
Why should you never buy Ukrainian trousers?
Because Chernobyl fallout
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Aug 31 2021
I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes
Turns out it was the refrigerator all along
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Jul 13 2022
Cheeeeese
๐︎ 50
๐
︎ May 19 2019
Why do Ethiopians write a low about waterbirds?
Because they use the Ge'ez alphabet
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Aug 02 2022
what dessert will you find in r/dadjokes?
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ May 25 2022
I sold my washing machine last week because i had a $20 bill in my last wash
I didnt want to be caught money laundering
๐︎ 282
๐
︎ Feb 08 2020
What does Dr Pepper have a doctorate in?
๐︎ 159
๐
︎ May 17 2020
Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing?
Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too.
๐︎ 117
๐
︎ Jun 05 2021
What do you call a phamplets brother?
๐︎ 20
๐
︎ Jul 04 2016
A knight
A guy walks into his usual bar and orders a beer. He notices a full suit of armor standing on display by the bar. "Where did you get that?" the guy asks the bartender. "I picked it up at an antique store downtown," the bartender says. "It only cost $2,500." "Geez, all that money for a knight?" the guy exclaims. "Oh, no," the bartender hastens to reassure him. "You get to keep it forever."
๐︎ 12
๐
︎ Feb 24 2022
This is not a drill
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ Sep 09 2018
My friend is a pilot and he is often experiencing 7 times the force of gravity
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Aug 13 2021
What do you call a guy who blows all his money on jackets at the advice of a psychic?
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Sep 05 2018
How do you fix a broken tomato?
With tomato paste!
Geeze yall ketchup.
๐︎ 45
๐
︎ Aug 04 2021
If inmates were in charge of taking their own mugshots
Would they be called cellfies?
๐︎ 210
๐
︎ Aug 27 2016
What do you call a French girl with asthma?
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Aug 29 2019
Q: What do you think of that actor, Murray Abraham?
A: F. Murray Abraham?
Q: Geez, no need to be so angry.
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Nov 13 2021
Girlfriend got me good while entering the elevator.
The door opened and I said: "After you my dear". Her response: "Thank you my elk"!
It took me a while to realize it, but damn I'm proud.
Edit: Geez thanks for all the entertaining comments, I woke up to a plethora of notifications! I appreciate it everyone.
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ May 16 2016
I told my daughter, โMom keeps asking me if Iโm an Alice in Wonderland character and itโs getting really annoying!โ She asked, โAre you mad at her?โ
โGeez! Donโt you start too!โ I screamed.
๐︎ 172
๐
︎ Jun 05 2020
Why do cows wear bells?
Cuz their horns don't work.
๐︎ 24
๐
︎ Jan 27 2017
My dad being a dad while playing Cards Against Humanity
SFW: https://imgur.com/Yg6JRDJ
๐︎ 7k
๐
︎ Mar 02 2018
A man went to the Dentist's
The Dentist said: "Wow your teeth are disgusting."
The man cried
Then..
The Dentist said: "Geez.. you don't have to be that sensiteeth."
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Mar 09 2021
Geez, I haven't been here since last year. What's changed?
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jan 01 2015
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
