Don't blame others for the road you're on in life.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
Doctors say some effects of COVID-19 may follow patients for life.
You could say it's a choronic disease.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
Why did the man get sent back to his home country for following his high school girlfriends life rules?
π︎ 28
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
For religious people, life is a pray-to-win game.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
My rooster is an artist. He draws on plates and I add arms and numbers, but for the life of me I canβt tell if heβs drawing snakes, mountains, teepeeβs, etc., so I finally asked him and he said:
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 26 2020
Farmer for life.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
A pun for the desi people out there. [When did life become OYO from Yo! Weβll never know.]
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 19 2020
My english teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jul 03 2020
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, βRemember these two words. Itβll open a lot of doors for you in life.β
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Mar 23 2019
Why did the man work in a barn for hus whole life?
Because is was a stable career
π︎ 50
π
︎ Apr 28 2020
Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole
Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.
Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.
π︎ 526
π
︎ Dec 12 2019
What's the name of the largest cell service provider for alien life forms?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 02 2020
I was hanging on to the cliff face for dear life.
βDonβt look down!β said my friend above me.
So I started smiling.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 26 2020
I spent my whole life searching for an ocean of soda
It turned out to be a Fanta sea
π︎ 50
π
︎ Feb 24 2020
Run for your life
π︎ 119
π
︎ Nov 25 2019
Bilbo Baggins lived for 131 years and smoked all his life
I guess old hobbits die hard
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 22 2020
Iβve dedicated my whole life to finding a cure for insomnia.
I wonβt rest until I find it.
π︎ 272
π
︎ Jul 03 2019
Why did he come home looking depressed after the doctor said he needed to take a pill everyday for the rest of his life?
The Doctor only gave him 4!...
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 12 2020
I rolled a joint for the first time in my life.
The doctor says itβll be a few weeks until I can use my ankle again.
π︎ 128
π
︎ Aug 04 2019
Why is life terrible for a window?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 28 2019
Iβm turning 50 soon and will tell people Iβve become part Roman for the rest of my life...
You know, because Iβll be a half century on...
π︎ 27
π
︎ Nov 13 2019
I was once walking my dog along a promenade during a storm. I got chatting to a German tourist. While we were talking, my dog decided to go for a swim. It was clear he was struggling then he got dragged under. The German dived in, pulled him out and did cpr. The dog coughed then came back to life
"That's amazing" I said "how did you know to do that? Are you a vet?"
"Vet?" He asked. 'of corse I'm vet. I was in zee sea"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 28 2020
life for native americans was pretty "in tents"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 16 2019
When it comes to moving elsewhere for a better life,
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 14 2020
For the life of me, I could not get the sweet tea dispenser to work during my lunch.
I was having some difficultea.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 17 2020
My Life has been nothing but a disaster and if Just One More Thing fails for me, I think it'll be time to call it Quits.
Hmm...my racehorses really do have some strange names.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jul 31 2019
MOM: Look at all this work! I can't believe I have to be an adult for the rest of my life!
DAD: Not really hon. After 70 you can pretend to be senile, and be a kid again.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 13 2019
I bet earth likes to make fun of other planets for having no life..
π︎ 141
π
︎ Mar 01 2019
Certain seabirds mate for life. Because one good tern deserves another.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 14 2019
There really isnβt a pun for lethal injections, I mean if you think about it, even if you do say anything, your life is still in vein...
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 19 2019
Today, I saw a squirrel poop for the first time in my life.
π︎ 161
π
︎ Oct 27 2018
There are three unwritten rules for a better life:
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jul 29 2019
"I make the rules in this house, son. You're going to have to listen to me for the rest of your life."
"You mean for the rest of your life, dad."
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 28 2019
I love peanuts... But itβs hard for a peanut to love you back when itβs been asalted all its life.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 07 2019
Doctor told me I won't be able to talk for the rest of my life.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 10 2019
I made an account called βhalf of all lifeβ just for this pun
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 27 2019
If you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 16 2019
A clock was running for its life
They say he was running out of time ( probably already used but I donβt bother to look for it )
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 02 2019
My friend believes in reincarnation and says in his former life, he was a calf slaughtered for the meat.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Dec 16 2018
Life has been going pretty well for me lately and my wife told me I need to work on being more humble.
I told her when it comes to humility I'm #1.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 07 2019
There are just some signs in life you should take for Granite
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 10 2019
Iβve dedicated my whole life to finding a cure for insomnia.
I wonβt rest until I find it.
π︎ 486
π
︎ Jun 18 2019
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, βRemember these two words. Itβll open a lot of doors for you in life.β
βPushβ and βPullβ.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 17 2020
I just rolled a joint for the first time in my life.
The doctor says itβll be a few weeks before I can use my ankle again.
π︎ 109
π
︎ Nov 20 2019
I've dedicated my life to find the cure for insomnia.
I won't rest until I find it.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 09 2019
Iβve dedicated my whole life to finding a cure for insomnia.
I wonβt rest until I find it.
π︎ 71
π
︎ Apr 09 2019
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, βRemember these two words. It will open a lot of doors for you in life.β
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 14 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
