Vin Diesel should commission a heraldic crest under his first name, a pair of snakes intertwined with fangs bared...

Vin's Shield: Vipers

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ranzear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
We grew up SO POOR I drank Nurse Pepper...

...she was an LPN.

We had a Don't Bother Checking account.

My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.

Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.

For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.

My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").

We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."

We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.

My pillow only had one side.

Repossession was 9/10 of the law.

Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.

Our scotch tape was scots-irish.

(I'm allowed)

My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.

One year Santa had to bring stockings.

The next year he filled them with nooses.

I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.

Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
What did the vampire say to his girlfriend as he nuzzled her bosom?

Fangs for the mammaries.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnay8
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Wouldn't be surprised to learn Elon Musk to leads a mercenary team of tesla employees who bite victims to spread coronavirus

They are called the Flu Flux Fang!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/16thPeregrine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't throw a snake like a boomerang.

It'll come back to bite you.

πŸ‘︎ 214
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chinese vampire?

Mr. Fang.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ‘€︎ u/deeptechnology
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Some people say I look like a vampire

but when I look in the mirror I just don't see it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/theshocker1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Dracula just have me his teeth but I didn't need them

I told him, 'Fangs for nothing'

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Daughter's video game character got turned into a vampire, she didn't like it when I said, "That sucks."

Jeez, I make a perfectly good vampire joke and that's the fangs I get.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ‘€︎ u/Metalprof
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Dracula’s house.

I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Black_Hole_Potato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.