something triggered me and i have woken up to the fact i am a covert narcissist. the behavior has always been there i was just dissociated and victimizing myself. i had myself so fooled. i even think im suffering the not getting nutrients from food it’s so bad because i’ve been having a lot of health issues recently but at this point i just keep telling myself the pain is fake after reading about how Group B type people make shit up. I ruined my relationship with someone i genuinely really loved because i was projecting. i kept thinking he was a narcissist and even told him he was one. i was getting trauma bound headaches and thought it was him manipulating me while infact it was me manipulating him. I noticed my behavior after we broke up and i’m with my ex again when i would auto fill say things and they’d be manipulating words, and after the victim fed into it my brain would click. that pattern keeps happening and solidifies my reasoning for believing i am one. What do i do? return to the false self? shes all i know and it makes me so sad. i had 10 months of alone time when i was 17 and i felt like the whole time i was clear headed and genuinely thriving but i was probably just being awful in other ways. i’ve always related to asuka langley from NGE which should’ve been my first red flag. thanks for reading, i’m kinda just dumping here because i’ve been fixated on learning everything about female narcissist behavior for the past 24 hours after putting the pieces together.
"Donald Winnicott introduced the concept of “the false self” in the 1960s. According to Winnicott, the false self is a self-constructed persona in defense against intolerable external demands and stressors. Winnicott postulated that the creation of the false self can lead to feelings of profound emptiness. No 'there' there.
Social media has contributed to the problem of the false self by making it far easier for us, and even encouraging us, to curate narratives of our lives that are far from reality. When our lived experience diverges from our projected image, we are prone to feel detached and unreal, as fake as the false images we’ve created. Psychiatrists call this feeling derealization and depersonalization."
Reading this struck a chord. After over 5 years of transition the false self I created is so strong it stops me achieving what I authentically want.
I love creating things and starting businesses and making websites and I haven't been able to make strides in this for years as I'm so focused on the self-concept of the person I want to be behind the creation.
After so long I think I'm only just starting to see the issue as I always used healthy metaphysics, goal setting and confidence to create an 'ideal self' I constantly manifested but since transitioning this ideal self became more an ideal image and I focused so much on the self-concept it's so hard to achieve anything else.
Anybody else relate? I hope you don't mind me sharing more of my reading, I'm grateful a couple of people found value and connected with my last post!
False bottoms:
(A) What's to stop the water from going rancid?
(B) Why are false bottoms filled with clay balls, rocks, etc. instead of leaving it empty to hold more water?
Self-watering spikes/bulbs:
(C) Wouldn't these avoid water from going rancid since there is no pool of water involved?
(D) With no false bottom, wouldn't there be more substrate and thereby more room for root growth?
I'm aware of winnicott's theory of the true/false self and I understand the concept.
I'm diagnosed with just strong narcissistic traits and not full blown NPD so perhaps I don't have a true or false self but can somebody give an example of what they understand is their true and false self? How are you sure your true self is actually true? Are you aware you're wearing a mask? And if so, what is it? What is in reality your true personality? How do you know?
Since I was a child, social experiences (with some exceptions) largely felt like acting because of the shame I held within about myself being socially inappropriate.
It stems from my mom because she would often seem frustrated and even disgusted by me. It’s most likely a misattunment in early childhood and infancy and attachment issues as well, which hurts since it wasn’t my fault but obviously had negative effects.
No other adults did that really, so it was clearly her issues, but I internalized it as some deficiency that’s carried on for decades.
Now I’m split and while I try so hard to be vulnerable, it’s also frightening and there’s a feeling I’m not sure if someone will yell at or shame me for being my “true self,” which I want to protect from abuse.
This side is also underdeveloped/arrested in some ways and I’m afraid of people seeing it and treating me with disgust because it’s “childish.”
In relationships, I put on the mask of my “false self” at times, or on a lesser scale, end up fretting over if I’m being appropriate enough in the social experience and can never actually be “free,” which makes socializing no fun.
There are times when I can be vulnerable and open but really only with my husband and maybe with my sister, if I feel connected to myself and safe that day.
Someone told me once that I “care too much about what people think.” I’ve thought about it for years and can now see what she really meant, which is that I didn’t get enough mirroring as a child and blamed myself and now look too much on the outside for validation that I’m okay.
It’s very painful way to live. I wish people knew this, that there is a hole where there should have been proper mothering (or “good enough” mothering) that extends throughout your entire life.
The one thing that really helped was seeing a therapist who luckily has some experience with attachment issues and recognized that within me and was patient and caring enough on these issues. The many therapists I saw before that often “felt” harsh or seemed frustrated. I couldn’t communicate how I felt and would end up trying to please them, exacerbating the codependency.
Just tired of working on this for years only to realize I’m still disconnected and angry and confused, and still wanting to feel real and be given permission to be open and authentic.
I want to go in the world and feel good about my life instead of ashamed.
Illl give you a bit of information as to why I think this way. The trauma he is saying he has, directly lines up with the Friday Night Funkin Soft Mod, with most personality traits coming from the main character. As well as exhibiting the same fears and likes as the main character. He only started acting this way after he played it, and he now mentions it constantly, and at very inappropriate times. Such as at dinner with other friends and while on a busy highway flooded with traffic.
This makes me worried, because before this, he never mentioned it. I want to talk to him about it because its making him become less of the friend I had before. I wasnt friends with a video game character.
Another thing that worries me, is that he diagnoses himself with a lot of mental health conditions....
I will preface this by saying that I do believe that there is a neurodivergent spectrum. One thing I do not believe in is self diagnosis.
He has diagnosed himself with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and has an alter named Kris (based on the main character from Undertale) and says that Kris gives him better abilities at musical things and allows him to speak fluently in Spanish (this is fishy because he is white, and the fact that he's only taken one Spanish class his entire life. And after hearing his Spanish, I can say its bad). Im not the only person who knows this, and many of my other friends feel as if what he is doing mocks those who truly do have DID. My partner is studying psychology and tried to explain to him that DID is not what hes making it out to be. This caused him to call us wrong and get very upset.
All of that, while not okay, we let slide because we love him and care about him. But as soon as he went past neurodivergency, is when he struck a nerve with my family and caused me to dislike this part of him.
2 of my siblings have Autism. Theyre very high functioning, but its only a bit noticeable in social settings.
He told me one day that he thinks he has Autism. And I asked him why. His only response was "I dont get social situations." and that hes on the neurodivergent spectrum. Which made me raise a brow. Then he gets into a bit of an argument, where my siblings were mentioned. He then tells me that my siblings were privileged for getting diagnosed. I then laid into him and told him that he doesnt get to make that call.
I feel like I cant be friends with my friend because hes not being real. I have loved him like a brother for a very lon
... keep reading on reddit ➡Is it possible to have false self without any explanation of personality disorders?
False Self
"The dysfunction is encoded into our souls as the false self." BRB p. 105
Many of us couldn't be ourselves as children. In order to survive, we bought our parent's negative messages, and then as adults, we repeated their dishonest justifications for crazy behavior. We remember our destructive false pride that wouldn't allow us to admit mistakes or feel vulnerable. On some level, we always knew what we were doing, but our false self was in charge and we didn't have the words or thought processes to do things differently or to express true feelings.
What hurts the most is that for those of us who have children, we modeled this dishonest behavior for them. As much as we tried to stop ourselves, we just couldn't see our way through to show them a better side.
In recovery, we now see that our wounds were so deep that it's hard to imagine that we had a hole that big in our soul. Today we can see that our lack of honesty for so long is constant proof of the trauma we suffered as children, and the reason we need ACA to break the cycle. This is where we strip away all the layers of shame that created our false self. We now more readily admit our shortcomings because as adults we can handle any fallout. In doing so, we help keep the family craziness from growing.
On this day I release my false self and have the courage to admit when I am wrong. I do this so that the hurts stop piling up, for both myself and others.
Copyright © 2018 by Adult Children of Alcoholics / Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization, Inc. All rights reserved. Page Number - 12
I am a very passive person, low self esteem, low confidence, overthink 24/7, emotional, quiet and I barely talk.
Sometimes though I feel like this pushing me down and I’m able to stop caring completely about all of these things. I’m tired of being weak, freindzoned by girls, crying, thinking… I literally push myself to a place where I don’t give a f about any of it anymore.
Is this me changing as a person or is this something to do with NPD
False Self "The mind developed the Laundry List Traits or the false self to survive." BRB p. xxvi
Many of us were born into a hostile world. Instinctively, we learned to sense danger. We were caught in the family story and played our part, doing what we had to do to survive. We couldn't be our genuine selves - who we were meant to be. We molded a personality that could change at the drop of a hat, adapting to any situation. It took a lot of skill to survive, and our false self kept us safe in childhood.
Before ACA, most of us didn't know we had carried this false self into adulthood. As we gained new awareness, it helped us notice the constant barrage of negative thoughts our false self gave off. It seemed the 14 Traits were part of our DNA.
As we move forward with courage, we use meetings and recovery friends as support. Our literature informs us and remodels our thinking. The Steps help us find who we truly are. We know the Traits were an important part of our early survival, but now they are holding us back. Standing at the crossroads, we choose to allow our Inner Child to come out of hiding. We become our True Self. As we recover, the Traits begin to soften to a point where they lose their hold on us.
On this day I will remember how far I have come. I treasure the self-knowledge I've gained in ACA that no longer gives my false self power.
Copyright © 2018 by Adult Children of Alcoholics / Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization, Inc. All rights reserved.
Page Number - 5
Hey all!
I’ve always had a bit of a struggle with reading Winnicott, and mostly engaged with Klein/Bion/Steiner.
I am now trying to familiarise myself a bit more with Winnicott and i’d be interested in hearing how do you interpret his false and true self in terms of the projective and introjective processes an infant goes through? How does the false self impact going through the paranoid-schizoid and depressive positions?
What is your false self look like and how do you usually behave in public? It's common to think that we create a grandiose false self with all best thing we've learned to get the admiration and show ourselves from the best side. However I often act arrogant, sarcastic, furious and antagonistic to other people, which doesn't make sense in that concept. What about you?
I am scared and excited all at the same time, life events have lead me to realize I have to stop living a lie, I may never really "pass" as a female but I will never know unless I try.
In the last 2 years my life has had so many ups and downs. I have things set up so I can retire in 6 months, I have lost my mother, I had and bested liver cancer, and sperated from my wife of 21 years ( very long and hurtful story, and no it is not related to my gender issues) realized that life is too short, started hrt, and decided I have to be me.
I am making a clean break and will need friends and advice I am doing this on my own and have only 1 supportive freind.
I guess I am looking for friends advice and acceptance. So many of you inspire me.
[ Removed by reddit in response to a copyright notice. ]
So I'm self employed and recently have had a issue arise, I'm unsure what to do so I'm turning to Reddit. I am based in wales, however the company I'm contracted for are based in England.
Recently I started a new job self employed. I have a contract with a company which is my main source of income. I work managing a small team. Now a member of said team who is a employee for another company has logged a complaint. Work have not directly told me that it is the enginier however I know that it is. The complaint is complete nonsense that I was wearing a tracksuit to work. I know this was not the case as I wear trousers for work... However the company I have a contract with claim to have a photo of me wearing a track suit which is impossible. The enginier has gone out of his way to take a photo of me while not been on site, then lied to the employer.
It is looking as if my contract with them is going to be terminated. I'm not sure what to do, what rights I have as a self employed individual, what legal action I can take and would greatly appreciate any and all advice.
So I am not active in many communities and I have only just started making little skits that I find funny or wholesome on this Subreddit to make others smile or laugh. I would be totally fine if you downvoted my post if you didn't like it or even messaged me personally to tell me "Yo dude you eat chalk 👎" so I could say "That's fair I do", block you, and move on.
What I think is completely unacceptable is abusing a system that is put in place to protect others from self-harming to harass random people you don't like. Please be respectful to others and keep r/Deltarune non-toxic.
Why legal experts were not surprised by the Rittenhouse jury's decision to acquit
I am scared and excited all at the same time, life events have lead me to realize I have to stop living a lie, I may never really "pass" as a female but I will never know unless I try.
In the last 2 years my life has had so many ups and downs. I have things set up so I can retire in 6 months, I have lost my mother, I had and bested liver cancer, and sperated from my wife of 21 years ( very long and hurtful story, and no it is not related to my gender issues) realized that life is too short, started hrt, and decided I have to be me.
I am making a clean break and will need friends and advice I am doing this on my own and have only 1 supportive freind.
I guess I am looking for friends advice and acceptance. So many of you inspire me.
