I’ve taken a couple years off dating, reassessing things and trying to work on myself. So having just jumped back in the pool this last fall I’ve noticed a stark shift in online dating that I think everyone has experienced to some degree or another. And that is the person that is on dating sites but clearly embittered towards a whole ass gender. Most of us have had experiences that have hurt us, scarred us, and traumatized us, I get that. But it makes it really hard to connect (with anyone in general) if any attempt at getting to know someone is shot down with an anecdote of how “all men are abusive assholes” or “all women are talking to 15 guys at the same time”. It’s like one of the least productive mindsets in dating and yet I see it A LOT. I guess my question is why even try if you have that attitude about it? I was talking to this woman for a few weeks, multiple video dates and a physical date planned. I sent her a text on New Years “Hey! Hope your NYE with your friends was fun! Any New Years resolutions?” And she hits me with a whole paragraph on how resolutions are for the weak minded and that people don’t change because of a date in a calendar, they only change when they need to or hit rock bottom. ….Like okay? Byeeeeeee. I guess this is more of a frustration post on Debbie and David downers. Try and keep it positive folx, believe it or not we are all trying to do the best with what we got.
itll change your life
The title is pretty self explanatory. I sent one today. Poor form. Most embarrassingly, we've been officially separated for almost 2 years, I should be over this sort of behaviour by now. I was prepared and even relieved to let go of the marriage but apparently I am yet to let go of the person. He said goodbye long ago. I am yet to respect his unspoken but blindingly clear desire to cease contact entirely. I feel like a very small person because of it. It's a semi to moderately abusive thing to do, persisting in contacting someone you know wants the noise to stop forever. If I'm completely honest I'm in such a dark place that having a vent felt good and I don't really regret letting it out. I have a long way to go to dig myself out of this hole that is my life. I also mentioned that his replacement forever person is fat and into community gardening which was a tad petty.
I am thinking I'm not the only one to said verbose inappropriate texts?
hello there,so i was looking for a clan that an embittered loner wouldnt be out of place, so the character i had in mind is a loner, he doesnt talk much and has almost no social skills so hes kinda of an incel, the guy is a loner because often people just replace him with more interesting friends, and he is bitter cause he was always bullied, often people say he has a victim complex. anyway to top it off he has mental health issues, lets say compulsion episodes, like lets say he has to walk from A to B if his mind thinks about some tragedy on the way to B, he has to go back to point A and begin again, anyway the guy isnt smart he is kinda slow actually.
ive read the v5 book about some archetypes but im unsure, maybe a truly antisocial nosferatu who lives underground and feeds on animals? he misses interacting with people but he knows they gonna let him down.
anyway my character to be a mary sue.
and i apologize for the horrible english, sometimes i mistake in and on.
but id like to hear from you people, where could he fit in?
Played for 80 hours and only now won for the first time.
Did the thing, turned off the game, uninstalled and hid the game on steam.
I am finally free. Self care baybee.
How do you feel?
William Costello is one of my most intelligent and interesting Facebook friends. This article fiercely criticizes an attitude towards involuntary celibate men that even pops up time and again on this sub; apparently by people who are 'all against misandry' but think discussing the realities of dating goes 'too far'. The article is mainly about the personal discrimination incels have to suffer, and already worthwhile because of that. Also the role lookism and even more heightism play in the rejection of men is interesting. And I agree on what William says about the dubious reasons people find it so important to shame PUA's.
Most interesting are these words:
'I believe that much can be done to bridge the supply and demand chasm that exists between what women want and what men are offering.
We will need a more sophisticated and likely uncomfortable conversation than we are currently having. That conversation will need to grapple with uncomfortable issues like the tension between women’s success in the workplace and hypergamy. We will need to reframe the value of traditional masculinity, which has been culturally demeaned.
The conversation will need men moving beyond defining their self-worth through sexual success expressed as the denigration of ‘beta incels’.
It will take women moving past absconding and obvious slogans like ‘incels are not entitled to anything’ and perhaps even considering coaching hapless but well meaning men on how to better succeed.'
This demands something from both men and women to make a more balanced society in their own interest. And I think that's a good thing.
https://williamcostello.medium.com/step-your-dick-up-why-incels-deserve-better-advice-307879d7c97b
Ok maybe not embittered but I'm looking for high level lessons learned, tips n tricks, if I could tell my younger self blanks, success stories, failures, headaches, don't even go there, have you thought of blanks, or really just any insights you may have to offer or think are worth sharing over this medium.
I'm an Intern architect with 6 years experience at a single large firm specifically on large scale performing arts, higher edu, and civic building types in Canada and US but no single family residential experience. Single family res is like a scary alien world to me.
While my partner and I are starting the process of talking to mortgage brokers, banks, etc about purchasing a home I'm also starting basic research into the feasibility and process of buying an empty lot and designing our own home. We aren't on any kind of real time schedule nor do we have a solidified budget (we have a general ball park figures for both the later is not particularly large), so we are really just in the earliest of days of this process.
For some basic context of what we would be looking at, a new build in southern Ontario well out side of GTA and would be aiming for a reserved 3br 2.5 bath 1800-2000sf and that number would including the 2 car garage, aggressively targeting energy efficiency, low surface area to volume ratio, high solid to glazed ratio, limited thermal bridging, dead simple roof plan, clean detailing yatta yatta yatta for sure investing a lot in the envelope. Craziest thing on the wish list is PV/Solar Water on the roof. Quality but not flashy finishes. No floor to ceiling glass, no cantilevers, no crazy curves or wild angles, and no facades that need a robot arm to build. Again Simple and reserved in appearance and hopefully simple to construct and maintain. If we do chose this path, I'm hoping by the time it actually starts rolling I'll have my license.
Thank you in advance for any knowledge you can share!
In a "think" piece ominously titled "When TV Goes Right Past Meditative to Vegetative" (paywalled), NYT TV critic and resident killjoy Mike Hale, whose initial review of Ted Lasso was super lukewarm (the best he could say was "the shopworn story has been filmed and assembled with style and professionalism"), grumbles about the lack of "challenge" in shows like Ted Lasso, Schitt's Creek, and Joe Pera Talks With You:
>Today, comfort TV has taken on a new sophistication and substance. Shows like “Ted Lasso” on Apple TV+ and “Schitt’s Creek” (on multiple streamers) draw devoted audiences with a finely tooled sincerity that removes any potentially provocative or uncomfortable edge from their jokes — they offer the structure of situation comedy without the challenge it has at its best.
Sounds like Trent Crimm before his conversion experience!
The premise for the piece is the debut of Earth Moods on Disney+, which he derides ("[g]liding past creative, derivative and meditative, it arrives at vegetative — the couch potato’s final destination [...] an incidental bonus that Disney+ [...] throws in for its more anxiety-ridden subscribers", but Hale doesn't lose the opportunity to diss comfort tv en masse, and implicitly scold its enthusiasts as, well, cowards, afraid to take on tougher, more brain-bending and soul-crushing material (like, maybe, Curb Your Enthusiasm?)
Sorry NYT is paywalled -- I would copy-paste the whole article, but I think that's against the rules. Bah humbug!!
He's in his mid-30s, white, bald(ing), and always irritable. He doesn't want your agreement. He hates you anyway.
I'm considering approaching online dating and to be completely honest, it seems like one of the worst things in the world.
For some context, I'm bisexual, probably non-binary, and at the very least have some more feminine interests and despise the standard male courtship role that's been assigned to me by society.
Looking at dating, I feel like I have two choices. One: I play the game, make a normal profile, and assume the traditionally male role of being the initiator. Or two: I nix the rules, and put information in my profile saying that I prefer being the one approached, that I desire equity in a relationship/first date, and be more open about my identity and desire to cuddle.
Truth be told it feels like a no-win scenario. If I play the game like most men do, I'll match with people but I'll be the one spending time and energy trying to be "interesting" and occasionally being entertainment to women who can demand it. But if I don't play the game, I risk looking like someone who is bitter at the world, along with demanding interest that my gender cannot reliably demand.
I really don't know how to approach this and am hoping for some advice or constructive discussion.
