When aren't you allowed to make dry jokes?

In the bath.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/melaela
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to tell a joke about a broken water main, but I have a dry sense of humor
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jebaird
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2017
🚨︎ report
I was cooking a Boston Butt and kept making jokes about putting rub on my butt, and patting my butt dry.

My wife said, β€œI’ve about had enough of the butt puns.” I replied, β€œWould you say I’m being a pun in the butt?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/catfish_bosoms
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2018
🚨︎ report
This joke may be a little dry

My brother and I were standing in our kitchen eating from a bag of beef jerky when my dad walks in, grabs a piece of jerky, takes a bite and goes "what is this? A circle jerky?"

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/worden26
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Another classic dry dad joke

Me: Dad where are the ritz crackers? Dad: They're next to the poor crackers.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the__real__deal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2014
🚨︎ report
Have a joke about paint drying

But it is a bit boring and takes too long to tell.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maximusheadroom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ".

" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnusfeli
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
The leading cause of dry skin

A towel.

Got em

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karenismycat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.

I yelled out, "Oasis!"

Edit: My first ever attempt at a dad joke, and i never thought i would get anywhere this much upvotes. Thank y'all so much!

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redneckvet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what causes dry skin?

Towels

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thewonkabro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of whiteboards?

They're a pretty remarkable invention.

Edit: thanks kind stranger! My first ever award! Edit 2: Thanks for the Platinum kind stranger!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BTWGaming
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Appreciation: I love this sub's jokes, but we all know the real dad jokes are the ones in the comments

I love that the real dad jokes are the dad's trying to make a second joke based on the post haha. None of them are funny, they're all dry as the Sahara Desert, but like all good dad's, they're determined to keep trying.

Keep it up you silly gooses!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ninthpower
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room, and I used to clean his.

We were maid for each other.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My son wanted some girl advice, so I told him, β€œIf you are intimidated by a date, remember one thing.”

They are just big raisins.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.

So I sent him a "get well soon" card.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanglimara
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The first animal to be mechanically milked must've been pumped.

I know it's an old joke, I'm just milking it dry. I just think its dairy funny.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad told me this one while at dinner. "You know what the leading cause of dry skin is?"

Towels.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/senseless2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I find white boards interesting

They're quite remarkable.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Av8r96
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Ya know, what this sub really needs is more water

http://i.imgur.com/BO1guSD.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherramon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2016
🚨︎ report
Wife is cooking "Im going to add this sage sparingly, because it's fresh sage, and the recipie calls for dried, so I don't how much to use."

So you're saying you need some sage advice?

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/department_g33k
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
🚨︎ report
I threw a fake plastic turd at my wife's head while she was in the shower.

Maybe now she'll stop complaining that she's out of sham poo.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rambos_left_bicep
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Just got a groan from my girlfriend...

I came in from having a cigarette and while closing the cumbersome sliding glass door I remarked, "Man that door is heavy!"

"I know," she says, "sometimes it pushes me back."

"That's terrible! Has it committed any other crimes against you?" I asked.

"No, but we should still sue it for everything it has though!" she said.

I grinned at her and offered, "It would probably just say it was framed."

She let out a quiet groan and flippantly said, "You're funny"

Edit: words

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/score_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
🚨︎ report
I got dad-joked by my 2yr old

Today I was dad-joked by my 2 year old daughter. In our usual half conversation /half Monologue I said 'I'm freezing' and she replied 'hi freezing'. I'm raising such a dry witted little butt bag.

πŸ‘︎ 292
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nattynoonoo29
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
🚨︎ report
A short collection of fresh puns.

Most of this is my own work, if not, it was inspired by something clever!
I hope this will tickle your funnybone and produce a jolly good set of laughs.

A guy didn't register that the wet paint signs about the handrail was still drying, his hand immediately stuck to the rail. My only response to him was, well you see there, it's an application problem, not hardware.

A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime and water has started to yield concrete results.

Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.

Joe: I gave the backyard squirrels Christmas presents!
Abby: Are you nuts?
Joe: No, that's what I gave them...

What did the supervisor at the tortilla factory say at the end of a long workday?
That's a wrap!

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. (Insp)

People who don't answer the phone sometimes miss their calling in life.

His words were heavy, but his friends didn't get the gravity of the situation.

Time flies like crazy!
Fruit flies like apples!

Never let logic and reasoning get in the way of telling a good story. (Sounds like something that would be said on TopGear/Grand Tour)

There are a few words that will open many doors for you in life - Push and Pull (Insp)

Somehow people really don't like it when I throw lamps at them to encourage them to lighten up.
Same goes for tossing handles for when they need to get a grip or soap for cleaning up their act.

When you're on the ballot for the water council and they have a runoff election.

Ghosts speak latin, it's a dead language (Insp)

If you work at a grocery, send the interns down to the meat market to get some red herrings.

There was a river in Egypt that no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Bad luck Brian - Invests in uranium, profits decay.

There was an explosion at the film manufacturing company, reporters say the story is still developing.

Why do bagpipers walk around?
To get away from the noise (Insp)

Most people have a six-figure income, just the decimal point is in the wrong place.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

In Russia, the term road has had a controversial meaning for a very long time.

In Canada/Russia, you put things in the fridge to warm them up.

Did you know that the creator of Barbie was named Barbara Dahl?

Doc: There's something not q

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Got my wife as she explained something to our toddler.

My wife couldn't open a jar of grape jelly. Our two year old didn't understand why she had to bring it to me. He was only concerned with how long it was taking to make his sandwich. I opened it, but it was pretty hard because the jelly had caked around the threads and dried in place, gluing the lid to the jar.

My wife saw our son getting impatient and told him, "Hold on kiddo, mommy couldn't open the jar, so she had to bring it to daddy. Even daddy had a hard time opening it."

At this point, my internal dad joke radar started screaming a proximity warning. The collision with a dad joke was imminent. I smiled, took half a second to bask in my dad glory, and added, "Yeah, it was jammed."

Wife groaned, but son laughed (because he saw the lid was finally open). I take whatever I can get.

πŸ‘︎ 249
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtaxNOOOOOO
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Cock and sperm joke for kids

(This joke just deserved a more catchy title, sorry for the mess.)

Every Tuesday growing up, we had German sausages and sauerkraut for dinner - my dad's favorite. Since I can remember, my dad has told this joke and never misses a chance telling it till this day:

"You know kids, it's not the sausage that makes you fat, it's the sauce!"

Both my younger sister and l looked at eachother, rolled our eyes and thought - why is he telling this joke every single time.. it doesnt make sense! There is no sauce here! Only fried sausages, sauerkraut and potatoes. In fact, where is the goddamn sauce, we could need it. This dish is dry as shit! My poor mom shrugged her shoulders, seemingly just as confused.

When i was about 11-12, I caught up on my dad's hinting and eye contact after the punch line.. he wanted me to get the joke so bad at this point lol. I had a moment, as they say. Oh... OOHH. BOOM. Omg the "SAUCE"!! From the sausage.. makes some people fat.. as in pregnant.. Mind. Blown.

My sister, around 8 at that time, had a few hundred more sausage dinners to "ketchup" ;) I'm not doing so bad myself, 'ey?

Edit: For the slow people out there, this joke is about sausage=penis, sauce=sperm and getting fat=pregnant. Did you have your moment too?? Admittingly, the joke works better in my native language, but you get the idea.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathrowHappymeal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
🚨︎ report
I hope you need some corn

So my supervisor and I were stacking some freight when she notices a large amount of corn.

Supervisor: I hope you need some corn

Me: I do actually, my jokes are running a bit dry.

Eye rolls and sighs for days.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Carlevfranks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2016
🚨︎ report
When your dad misses no opportunity for a joke

So, my dad could be considered a regular jokester. He had his dad jokes, his dirty jokes, clean but provocative joke, setup jokes, everything. He never missed a chance to turn something into a joke for hinself, even, and perpahs especially, if it only amused himself. I found out at an young age that no situation is too serious for him.

I was around 9 years old and I was in the cub scouts, and it was box car derby season. I was in the dining room, carving away at my block of wood when the blade in my right hand skipped the wood and carved my left thumb. It fucking hurt and bled like a sonofabitch. I immediately starting screaming and my dad raced into the room and found me covered in blood, my left hand now with two thumbs. We get it wrapped and he drives me to the emergency room. By the time we got there the bleeding had stopped and I have stopped crying. As we pull up, my dad looks st me, shakes his head and says "We can't go in there like this, we'll end up waiting forever to see a doctor. You need to cry once we're in there and that'll help" I said ok, and he said as we were walking up, "I'll give you a signal to start crying." How will i know, i asked him snd he just said i'll know. We go inside and walk up to the admittance desk. I'm short, so at the time my head just cleared the desk. My dad tells the nurse that we have a cut, and need to see a doctor right away. The nurse pushes paperwork at him and he tells her again, this time that its a real bad cut. The nurse finally looks at me for the first time and she frowns, because im relatively normal looking, even though im hurting and nervous, waiting for my dads signal. My dad pulls me back a bit and her eyes widen really big when she sees all the dried blood caked on the lower left side of my body. She starts getting excited and says "Ohmygoshohmygosh" over and over and this point im starting to get scared when my Dad, in a serious voice says "Its even worse than it looks! You're going to have to take the whole hand!"

Then I start crying.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBossOfWhat
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Mom told Dad to pull up the zipper on his pants

Dad says, "it pays to advertise"

His dry delivery had me in stitches. Best part is when mom said "you've heard that before, he's been telling that joke for 30 years"

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2015
🚨︎ report
Cringe-worthy exchange between my father and I the other day

Let me preface this with some info. Firstly, me and my father are idiots; our jokes can become insensitive if we aren't careful, as we have few filters. My parents live in a tiny town amidst a thousand other tiny towns. One of the tiny towns right beside us (let's call it Townsburg) has a lot of forest and extra land, so towards the end of the summer when it's still hot but the land is starting to dry out, it's rather susceptible to fires. The other day, Townsburg caught fire in a few different places. The town my parents live in (we'll call it Cityville) is the sausage capital of our state. Yep. Sausage capital. Like brisket and such. Our proudest export is meat. Meat is what we are most proud of. I don't live there anymore, thank the universe.

So I went by my parents house on the way home from work one day to check on my retired, sick father, and watch the news with him (something I try to do whenever I can). And what happened next, well, it all just happened so fast...

Me: "Whoa, Townsburg is on fire again. I guess Cityville isn't the barbecue capital anymore, AYO." Dad: "Nope. Looks like they're about to be the barbecued capital." Me: "...we may need to stop hanging out so much."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/queerleaderr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad taught me well.

My dad is the type that tells the most generic and awful dad jokes that make you cringe, thus bringing to pass my own joke that is only possible thanks to my father's dry sense of humor. My husband & I were laying in bed and I was cuddled up to him. When he was about to go to sleep he turned to me & said, "I needa turn over." (As in "need to.") To which I replied, "Sorry, we don't have any." The laughter that then ensued brought tears to my eyes, but my husband didn't get it. Thanks for my awful humor, dad.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kieruh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Froggy the Waiter

This isn't a joke that came from a dad or anything but I hope it's worthy!

My father started waiting in 1979 and took one of his first jobs at this extremely fancy and expensive restaurant. The type of place that the waiters wore tuxedos and whatnot. Anyways my dad worked with this guy named Froggy (nickname of course) whom my dad still praises to this day that he's one of the best waiters he's ever worked with.

Anyways, one night it's extremely busy and both my father and Froggy were rushing around trying to keep up. Well Froggy had this table with about 5-7 people all who looked like they wore expensive clothing, ordered the best food and so on. Well one of the guys ordered a baked potato as a side and Froggy proceeds with typical waiter stuff as asks if he wanted sour cream with his baked potato. The man says yes so Froggy scoops the cream and attempts to place it on the potato. Well... as he was moving to place it on, the cream slipped off and right onto this guys extremely expensive sweater... Completely in shock, the customer turns to Froggy and without missing a beat, Froggy slowly turns his head in a comical fashion towards the ceiling and proclaims "Those damn pigeons!"

Needless to say every single person in that table were crying with laughter, including my father one table over who observed the whole ordeal. Froggy said he'd pay for the dry cleaning and the customer said not to worry about it because it was the most hilarious thing he's seen in ages.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KickedInTheHead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
🚨︎ report
Dad joked while getting a tour of a glass factory

So i know the joke is old, but the application was classic...

I was with my dad buying some glass cutting supplies and the guy in the store was really dry and seemed to take his job pretty seriously. We wrapped up our purchase and the shop worker asked if we wanted a quick tour of the production facility. We said 'yes' and walked into the back. Shop worker guy showed us some bullet proof glass, and a new self obscuring glass... then he mentions that most of what they do is provide mirrors for elevators and he turns to walk us over to the last section of the facility where they do wood grain backed mirrors. My dad stops walking and says "elevators hey"? The shop worker turns and looks at him... "I hear that industry has it's ups and downs"... Shop worker guy makes eye contact with me and turns and continues his tour. While no noise escaped his lips i could feel an internal groan that shook the walls.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobbyflorentine
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the dad say to his long haired son?

Dad: You should have gotten a haricut a long time ago... Son: But dad, I did get a haircut a long time ago!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VikzeLink
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.