Down And Out Puns

A list of puns related to "Down And Out"

my wife and I found out that our boy was convicted of burning down houses

no matter what he's still arson

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👤︎ u/Ax3-_-
📅︎ Nov 03 2020
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Every year around this time, my family and I go out to the woods to pick out and cut down our own menorah.

Happy Hanukkah dadjokes!

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👤︎ u/kaspm
📅︎ Dec 11 2020
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An alien came down to Earth the other day, stepped out of his spaceship and said, "G'day cobber! Let's start a barby and throw some shrimp on! Strewth!".....

....he was an Austr-alien

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👤︎ u/KCL80
📅︎ Oct 13 2020
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If you ever get locked out of your home, sit down and talk to the lock calmly

Because communication is key

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👤︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
📅︎ Aug 10 2020
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A lumberjack was out cutting down trees in the forest one day. He went to swing his axe and the tree screamed "WAIT! I'M A TALKING TREE!!!!"

The lumberjack looked up at the tree and paused saying "well, you may be a talking tree, but I'll see that you die a log!"

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👤︎ u/myonlineidentity9090
📅︎ Aug 25 2020
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While riding down the road today, a fish jumped out of a boat that was being towed, and smashed into the front of my car.

It wasn't all bad though, I love grilled fish.

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👤︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump
📅︎ Sep 15 2020
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Disney isn't going to die and go out of business even though they completely shut down operations and didn't produce anything for three months.

They just suspended animation.

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👤︎ u/explosivelydehiscent
📅︎ May 16 2020
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A Scotsman stumbles out of the bar and as he is walking down the street, he walks past a girl.

The girl asks, “is it true that there’s nothing under that kilt of yours?” The Scotsman replies, “why don’t you reach under and see for yourself?” The girl reaches under his kilt and quickly removes her hand. “Dear god, that’s gruesome!”

The Scotsman replied back “Aye, and if you reach up under there again, you’ll see it’s gruesome more.”

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👤︎ u/jetmover78
📅︎ May 10 2020
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Got sent an email at work today saying the printer had broken down and so someone may have to come out to it.

I tried, and it was flattered, but it just wasn't interested in humans.

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👤︎ u/cybot2001
📅︎ Sep 11 2019
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The hot air balloon driver is refusing to come down, and the cops are still trying to figure out why.

Everything is still up in the air.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Jun 14 2019
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I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."

"And he won?" I asked.

"Well, no..." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder, the big jerk!"

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Jun 19 2018
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As we were heading out the door, my son plopped down on the floor, hoisted both of his feet into the air, looked up at me and screeched, "Daddy, put my shoes on please!"

I looked down at him and chuckled, “I think my feet are too big.”

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Nov 03 2017
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Had colonoscopy the other day and laid this one on the doctors while waiting to pass out: I'm gonna put you guys down in my resume as references.

You are the only people who really know me inside out.

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👤︎ u/kenef
📅︎ Feb 17 2019
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This kid in my shop class got so frustrated, he threw down his saw and stormed out.

Poor guy just couldn’t cope.

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👤︎ u/razorbladeapplepie
📅︎ Jan 21 2019
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Kenny Rogers was driving along the highway and discovered his rear wobbly tire popped off his truck and rolled down the middle of the road. That's when he broke out in song...

"You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Wheel!"

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👤︎ u/FreakyStarrbies
📅︎ Jan 25 2019
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Little mary jane was walking down the street with her mother. Her mother saw a quarter in the road and went out to pick it up and got hit by a bus.

Little mary jane just LAUGHED and LAUGHED.... she knew it was only a nickle.

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👤︎ u/questionall101
📅︎ Dec 09 2018
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A little person broke out of jail and sneered at a man walking by as he was climbing down the jail fence

the man frowned and thought "well that's a little con descending."

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👤︎ u/TheBryceIsRight34
📅︎ Feb 16 2016
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I heard that they figured out how to break down and process corn and make it into plastic-like furniture.

Soon you will be able to purchase your very own veggie-table.

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👤︎ u/DeepThoughtSuperComp
📅︎ Mar 03 2017
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Watched my pregnant wife walk over to the fridge and pull out a bottle of Poland Springs. As she was coming back sit down I said "Shouldn't you be holding that with both hands?"

"We wouldn't want your water to break."

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👤︎ u/mikestorm
📅︎ Apr 24 2016
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Was driving down the road and my son sees a car with a Wisconsin license plate and points it out to me..

I said "I know, I can smell their dairy air from here!"

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👤︎ u/Manc0mbSeepgood
📅︎ Sep 29 2014
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