So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lovina9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...

Just in case there’s a salad dressing

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/omniwrench-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Why did the clown hold the door open?

Because it's a nice jester

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ginks_21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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grandpa told me: "if a door closes somewhere, another opens

he was a really bad cabinet maker...

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevin_flu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
People weren't happy with me for leaving the front door at work open overnight.

I walked into a chilly reception.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IlltimedYOLO
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Just came home to find all my doors and windows open, everything's gone!

Who would do that to another person's Advent Calendar?!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flabbergash
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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My grandfather always said that when one door closes, another one opens.

He was a terrible cabinetmaker.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lwp1331
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her...

Instead I swam up to the surface.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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My grandpa always told me "when one door closes another one opens."

A lovely and inspiring man...makes shit cabinets though.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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Before he passed away, my grandfather said, β€œHere are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”

Push and Pull.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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Just open the door!
πŸ‘︎ 174
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RajuNeupane
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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You know your supposed to knock on the refrigerator door before you open it

Cuz there might be a salad dressing

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Why did Jesus leave the door to his tomb open?

Because he was born in a barn.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Malcolm_Y
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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On a recent flight, my friend asked me, β€œIf the door suddenly opens, you think we will fall out?”

I said, β€œNo, we will still be friends.”

πŸ‘︎ 201
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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Do you know what a ghost uses to open a door ?

His spookey.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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What do you call a door that doesn't open?

A jar.

Edit:

Apparently this isn't original, and there's a "real" version of this joke.

When is a door not a door?

When it’s ajar.

Thanks for the correction, u/TheRealTripleH !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_singh510
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad always said "as one door closes another one opens"

He never quite got the hang of assembling Ikea furniture.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Benmark97
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cute button, which on pressing norifies the house owner to open the door?

Adoorbell.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inoobie_am
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A clown held the door open for me yesterday /r/Jokes/comments/inof00/…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/midgetgamer27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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I am pulling my hair out to think of that R & B singer who opens doors

Alopecia Keys

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My office door would not stay open.

I finally put a stop to that.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter…

Let that sink in…

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I was on a family vacation in Japan when I slept in one day. My dad flung open my door and told me to wake up. I said, β€œDad, what do you think this is?...

...the Land of the Rising Son?”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Campagnolo412
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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My grandad always said: "When one door closes, another one opens"...

...Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

πŸ“· Removed - Punchline in title

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrGonzoDog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Wheeeen youuuu open the doors and you see lots of drawers

That's armoire

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kmartinator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandpa used to say "When one door closes, another shall open"

He was a great man, but a terrible cupboard maker.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amraith
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What does James Hetfeild call his door when it's open?

A Jar-O

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedgamer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I left my garage door open yesterday, and someone stole my limbo stick.

Like seriously, how low can you go?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeamRockin
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
To keep the virus away, I'm taking forever to open the door, refusing to change the temperature and only playing games in single player mode.

In other words, I'm doing everything I can to be a bad host.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
If anyone wants to come and talk about why my stuff keeps getting stolen, the door is always open.
πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
(People from the UK will get this) What key opens every door?

A Pikey

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_lone_deviant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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I knew a guy and i used to turn him to open doors

The guy was a knob

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byeses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My kids ask me why I always knock on the refrigerator door before I open it.

I say, "Because there may be a salad dressing."

πŸ‘︎ 338
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kas0510
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I always knock on the fridge before I open the door...

Just in case there is a salad dressing.

I'll see myself out....

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Hold the door open for a clown

It's a nice jester.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/araitisaname
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A clown held the door open for me

It was a nice Jester

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AshamedTurtwig
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...

Just in case there's a salad dressing

πŸ‘︎ 211
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πŸ‘€︎ u/laserspewpew_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A clown held the door open for me today

I thought that it was a nice jester

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AggressiveLikes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I held the door open for a clown

It was a nice Jester

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AshamedTurtwig
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day I held the door open for a clown

It was a nice jester.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lez566
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When one door closes, another one opens

Other than that, it’s a pretty good car.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomBradyGoat1212
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A clown held the door open for me today.

That was a nice jester.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brockycorn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, β€œRemember these two words. It’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”

Push and Pull.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/corbimatic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, β€œRemember these two words. It’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”

β€œPush” and β€œPull”.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What are the 2 words that will open a lot of doors in your life?

Push and pull.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I held the door open for a clown today

It was a nice jester

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A man dressed as a clown held the door open for me today at the store.

It was a nice jester.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yimter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report

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