There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

πŸ‘︎ 21k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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A father was laying on his deathbed...

β€œMary, my wife, are you here with me?” β€œYes, I am, dearest.”

β€œAnd Louise, my mother in law, are you here with me?” β€œYes, I am, Paul, I’m here with you.”

β€œAnd you, children, are you here, Karen and Henry?” β€œYes, yes we are, daddy!” β€œThen how the hell is the living room light left on?!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting /r/Jokes/comments/iya4l4/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProCreeper_2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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On his deathbed, my grandfather said, β€œRemember these two words. It’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”

Push and Pull.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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I remember my father giving me some sound advice on his deathbed.

He said "It's worth spending money on a good set of speakers."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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A woman is at her farther’s deathbed

She hasn't seen him in years and now they only have a few moments left. "Dad, i'm sorry," she whispers... "Goodbye sorry" he said, "i'm dead

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeeEss_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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A dad is lying on his deathbed with his son standing over him

Son: I’m really gonna miss you, Dad.

The dad, with his dying breath, utters,

β€œHi Really Gonna Miss You, I’m Dad.”

A single tear rolls down the son’s cheek

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iHasMagyk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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On his deathbed

My father-in-law was released from the hospital on hospice. Today the nurse came in to check on everything for him. She leaned over and asked, "how do you feel?" He took as deep of a breath as he could, the nurse leaned in close, and he softly said "with my hands".

We are going to miss him so much.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FapDamage
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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I’ll always remember what my grandpa told me on his deathbedβ€”He said, β€œAlways make sure you’re not part of the problem...”

β€œ..Try your best to be the whole problem.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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Albert Einstein lies on his deathbed.

He had a stroke of genius.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Caldroson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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On his deathbed

A father, on his deathbed, with his son weeping over him.

Son: "I'm so sad" Father: "hi sad"... he leans forward and whispers "I'm dead." The father keels over.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robopanda95
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2017
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I dad-joked a Yellow Jacket on his deathbed

I was sitting in the back yard with a friend, when we notice this yellow jacket on the ground. He's crawling around and something is obviously wrong, as he can't fly and was making slow, pained movements around a plastic spoon.

My friend says "Should we help him?"

I replied, "Maybe we can take him to the wasp-ital..."

πŸ‘︎ 203
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gopperman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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Grandfather was lying on his deathbed in hospice care and started groaning...

the hospice nurse asked him how he was feeling, (this is only hours before he died) he looks her dead in the eyes and says "With my Fingers!"

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/huskersax
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2013
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Joke I came up with today

So this surgeon always posts pictures of the masks he wears during his surgery on Instagram. He does this every single time he has a surgery, and his nurses can never understand why. Eventually, he garners a massive following on Instagram. So, he goes into his supervisor's room, and he says, "Hello, it's a pleasure to see you". The supervisor says, "To what do I owe the pleasure?" The surgeon says, "Well, my Instagram business is really taking off. I think it would be better for me to quit being a surgeon and focus on Instagram full time". The supervisor thinks he's a little crazy but decides to let him do what he wants. The former surgeon now goes and buys as many masks as he can to sustain his Instagram account. Eventually, he becomes so wealthy that he is able to buy all these lavish things and not have to worry about economic failure. However, one day, he decides to begin posting pictures of medical needles on his Instagram account instead of masks at about the same time that he gets a horrible sickness that is almost always fatal. Because he posts pictures of masks now, his account begins failing, and even though he tries to save it, he's unable. He no longer has any money to treat the illness and is on his deathbed. His entire family is surrounding him, and his father leans in to hug him. As this happens, the ex-surgeon says in a weak voice, "Dad, where did I go wrong?" The dad, with tears in his eyes, seeing what his son has been reduced to and sadly knowing his dear son's death is imminent says, "You post syringe, you lose subscriber"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoPolesGaming
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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When I go...

I have no kids of my own, but my friends keep telling me I'm an incorrigible Dad Jokester. I'll probably still be making wildly inappropriate jokes on my own deathbed.

So when I pass, I just ask that a foundation be created on my behalf. Because then I will be Dad To The World!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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What do you call a mattress made out of corpses?

A deathbed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JRiegner
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
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Back in pioneer days...

...a wagon train was heading out west. Inside one of the wagons, a man lay on his deathbed with friends and family gathered 'round. He gestured to his best friend, who leaned down to hear what the dying man had to say.

"My friend," he whispered, "I'm not gonna make it, but I wanna be remembered. When you get to where you're going, I want you to name a town after me."

"You betcha," his friend says. "Anything for you, Al."

Then the man gestures to his best friend's son, who likewise leans down to hear the dying man's last words.

"Boy, make sure your old man keeps his promise to name a town after me."

The boy answers, "Yes, Sir, Mr. Buquerque."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/startrektoheck
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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On his deathbed, my grandfather said, β€œRemember these two words. It’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”

β€œPush” and β€œPull”.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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On his deathbed, my grandfather said, β€œRemember these two words. It will open a lot of doors for you in life.”

Push and Pull.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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Dead joke

A woman is at her father's deathbed. She hasn't seen him in years and now they only have a few moments left.

"Dad, I'm sorry," she whispers.

"Goodbye, Sorry," he says, "I'm dead."

πŸ‘︎ 473
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Helios747
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2014
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