Stella had two great Dallas jobs: prostitute and refinery worker

It was oil , sex and toil on Texan soil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevebox2345
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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I melted in the 103 degree Dallas heat just to document this pun - I hope it was worth it..... imgur.com/lRgYEuB
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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Even street signs have punny humor
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonathan392
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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I was devastated when my mom asked me to be a pallbearer at my grandpa's funeral

This whole time, I thought his name was Dallas.

Side note, I told this to my parents at the visitation. They got a pretty good laugh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealtechnird
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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I heard that Ben bishop isn’t so good in the net

I guess he can only move diagonally

(Courtesy of my dad while watching the Dallas Stars game)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Primusmulti
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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I was looking at a treehouse with my realtor near the airport in northeast Texas when I asked my realtor...

What is this Dallas-Fort Worth?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dopeghostandy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2014
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A vulture at the airport

Last week I was flying home from a business trip out of Dallas/Ft. Worth. I'm in line waiting to board and in front of me is a vulture. He's dragging a squirrel carcass behind him in one hand and a dead possum in the other. The line is moving pretty quick until the vulture gets to the ramp and winds up in an argument with the guy scanning tickets. The attendant at the gate says to the vulture, "sir, you are only permitted one piece of carrion."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllUrMemes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
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Wife mentioned there was a produce warehouse on fire near downtown.

I said, "Well, guess they didn't stock enough watermelon." She refuses to talk to me now...

 

Link: http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/Smoke-Seen-for-Miles-from-Fire-near-Downtown-Dallas-422199263.html

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BloodMC
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2017
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So I was watching the CFB National Championship game with my dad and he hit me with this.

Talking about the size of the screen at Dallas Stadium

Me: I still can't get over it.

Him: Well that's because its too tall.

My dad doesn't offer many "dad jokes" so this was a special moment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tiger21SoN
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2015
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Obama is a dad

From a Dallas fundraiser this week: β€œ[Nancy Pelosi] is tough, she is smart, and she has a heart as big as Texas β€” even though she’s from California,” said Obama, who opened his remarks by saying, β€œI’m not running for reelection. Not just because of the Constitution but also because of my wife.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TelegramAHologram
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2014
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Dad joking the tour guide

After finishing the tour of the majority of the Dallas Cowboys stadium, the guide told us to "feel free to roam around the field."

Me: "Are we allowed to Romo 'round the field?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudebro0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2014
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"You wanna know why he was holding?"

So the Houston Texans and Dallas Cowboys game was on, and a player got called for holding. When they zoomed in on the guy, his name was Clutts.

So my dad just yells "You wanna know why he was holding?"

"Its because he was a clutz!"

I walked out of my house after that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JrM_306
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2013
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