It was oil , sex and toil on Texan soil.
This whole time, I thought his name was Dallas.
Side note, I told this to my parents at the visitation. They got a pretty good laugh
I guess he can only move diagonally
(Courtesy of my dad while watching the Dallas Stars game)
What is this Dallas-Fort Worth?
Last week I was flying home from a business trip out of Dallas/Ft. Worth. I'm in line waiting to board and in front of me is a vulture. He's dragging a squirrel carcass behind him in one hand and a dead possum in the other. The line is moving pretty quick until the vulture gets to the ramp and winds up in an argument with the guy scanning tickets. The attendant at the gate says to the vulture, "sir, you are only permitted one piece of carrion."
I said, "Well, guess they didn't stock enough watermelon." She refuses to talk to me now...
Link: http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/Smoke-Seen-for-Miles-from-Fire-near-Downtown-Dallas-422199263.html
Talking about the size of the screen at Dallas Stadium
Me: I still can't get over it.
Him: Well that's because its too tall.
My dad doesn't offer many "dad jokes" so this was a special moment.
From a Dallas fundraiser this week: β[Nancy Pelosi] is tough, she is smart, and she has a heart as big as Texas β even though sheβs from California,β said Obama, who opened his remarks by saying, βIβm not running for reelection. Not just because of the Constitution but also because of my wife.β
After finishing the tour of the majority of the Dallas Cowboys stadium, the guide told us to "feel free to roam around the field."
Me: "Are we allowed to Romo 'round the field?"
So the Houston Texans and Dallas Cowboys game was on, and a player got called for holding. When they zoomed in on the guy, his name was Clutts.
So my dad just yells "You wanna know why he was holding?"
"Its because he was a clutz!"
I walked out of my house after that.
