My roommates said I really need to cut down on the amount of deli meat I’ve been eating

But I’m not about to quit cold turkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dollex69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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My friend bet me 100$ I wouldn't be able to get the prime cuts of meat from the top shelf.

The steaks are high.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultim8umly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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What’s the cheapest cut of meat?

Deer balls because they’re under a buck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jusunthepear
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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I went to college after promising to make payments for tuition with tender cuts of meat...

For the next ten years, I'll be paying off my student loins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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What's the most respected cut of meat served at the world's finest restaurants?

Sirloin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
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I once married a woman that sounded like a cut of meat...

She was a Miss Steak

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KubaKomorebi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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What’s the best cut of meat to cook for your latest online match?

Beef Tinderloin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaiday
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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How does a deer hunter keep track of all their cuts of meat?

Using a ven-ison diagram.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lord_dumbello
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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There's a crazy snowstorm moving in on me

So I went to the store earlier, and decided to get some steaks and burgers that I could throw on the grill in case our power goes out again (which it probably will). Almost all of the meat was gone from the main part of the case, but I saw some nice cuts in the section up above. I grabbed an employee and asked him to get them down for me, and I asked why they hadn't moved them down already. He just shrugged and said "It's been crazy in here all day. The steaks have never been higher."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daeken
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2016
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I got a coworker really good.

A while back, a coworker of mine cut herself on a meat slicer. She went to the er and got her hand stitched up. She messaged me that she had to get a tetanus shot, but her phone auto corrected to "Tetris shot". I told her to make sure to get a Pac-man shot while she was there. She asked her doctor for one and he was very confused, and she was very embarrassed. My best one yet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatheraabed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2015
🚨︎ report
What's the cheapest cut of meat?

Deer balls. They're under a buck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitzz7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the cheepest cut of meat?

Deer balls... They're under a buck

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ttvwizebot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s the cheapest cut of meat?

Deer balls, they’re under a buck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/impracticaljim
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the cheapest cut of meat?

Deer nuts: they're under a buck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DefconTiger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2014
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